lettym Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Me and her have been best friends for about 7 years and you would think by now that I wouldn't be scared to tell her whats on my mind but the problem is that she has a big mouth when it comes to certain things and she can just shut you down by telling you off when you get her mad. Anyways I need advice on how to give her advice without her having to feel mad or tell me off. Ok here's the situation... Today her sister called and asked me if i could talk to my best friend about problems that she's been having. It's kinda long. I want to tell her to calm down her attitude cuz even her husband who she has two kids with is sometimes scared to tell her something cuz he knows how she'll react. Then when she reacts that way it makes it worse, then no problems get solved between them. I know it may not be any of business what goes on between them cuz its their relationship but i can't help but try to give her some kind of advice. I know that her husband is at a breaking point and can't take it anymore and he might leave her one day cuz he'll get tired eventually and I don't want that to happen cuz they have kids together and i know they both love each other so much. I want to somehow open her eyes and realize that she needs to change her attitude. I just don't know how to do that without pissing her off for some reason. Any suggestions on how I should start out saying? She's my best friend and i care so much for her and her kids. I just don't want her to throw anything in my face cuz nobody is perfect. She may say that she gives me advice too and i dont listen so who am i to give her advice? That may be true but i care alot about her. Link to post Share on other sites
berry_oh Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 if this is something that's going to affect her kids and marriage then you need to say something. I think this is one of those times where you're going to have to risk your own friendship with her a little to try to help her. Approach her in a calm manner, remind her that you're doing this because you guys are friends and you're not trying to be disrespectful or anything, but this is something she needs to hear. Tell her about what's wrong with her. Don't make it like "oh the things you do are 100% wrong". She's just going to take it the wrong way. How you talk is just as important as what you say. Be calm, but be firm on what you're trying to say. Be determined to get your message across, but not too forceful. It's all about finding the right balance. But if things start to get a little heated, then you'll have to get more forceful in your conversation. Change your tone and attitude as the conversation goes. But the main point is just don't go bluntly saying "hey, you're making the wrong decisions", or somewhere along those lines, even if it's true. Trying saying things such as "When this happens, you could do this instead of that". Like I said before, be firm on what you're saying, but be respectful too. It's the best way to get people to understand you. You might end up pissing her off a little in the end, and if the conversation has to end on a sour note, then so be it, but tell her to think about what you said. Hopefully you will give her enough to think about and though she might not change herself completely, she'll at least start making more of an effort and that just might be enough. Anyway you should try. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Today her sister called and asked me if i could talk to my best friend about problems that she's been having. Why were you deferred this responsibility? If her sister wants to interfere in her marriage, it's up to her to broach it with her own sister. Give her back the hot potato. Don't do it. This is between the husband and your friend, unless your friend asks you for advice about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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