ashleigh422 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 My 3 year abusive relationship was ended a week ago by Me So proud. I have no feelings left for my ex.. besides that he's the father of my 3 year old.. what he did to me was wrong and I have been trying to leave for a year.. i emotionally detached myself from him at least 4 months ago.. I went numb to him until I could get him to physically leave my house... Either way.. this is a dating question.. Am I wrong for feeling like I want to start dating already? I changed my status on FB to single.. to which one of his friends told him and he harrassed me about it.. is he right? Am I in the wrong or is this more of the same game from him?
loveslife Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I changed my status on FB to single.. to which one of his friends told him and he harrassed me about it.. is he right? Am I in the wrong or is this more of the same game from him? Sadly, I think the fact that you're considering his opinion on the issue shows that he still has some control/influence over you. It's too soon for you to date. Take some time for yourself. Figure out what led to the abusive relationship in the first place. Re-develop your sense of self.
JoJola Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Sadly, I think the fact that you're considering his opinion on the issue shows that he still has some control/influence over you. It's too soon for you to date. Take some time for yourself. Figure out what led to the abusive relationship in the first place. Re-develop your sense of self. I was also in your situation about 5 years ago, I truly agree that you should take some time for yourself before you start dating again. You may be a risk at finding the same type of relationship that you just ended if you dont look inside yourself and figure out who you are now and begin to heal so you can have a healthy relationship.
Rylle Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 I've also been in an abusive relationship, and sweetie, when you're still concerned with the opinion of your abuser, you're not really moving on or over it/him. You are single, and if you choose to present yourself that way, that is your right. However, I also do agree with the other posters, in that figuring out how and why you ended up in an abusive relationship is probably the best course of action. On the other hand, dating may help you truly get over your ex for good. I'm just concerned that if you start dating now, you're going to end up in the same pattern and cycle you were in with your previous abuser.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 My 3 year abusive relationship was ended a week ago by Me So proud. This gave me a HUGE smile. Way to go! That's not easy to do. Either way.. this is a dating question.. Am I wrong for feeling like I want to start dating already? I can't say feelings are WRONG. But I don't think it's going to serve you right now to be dating. Nor will it serve whomever you get involved with. I think some time for self-discovery and strengthening who you are outside of a relationship...discovering the reasons why you stayed with a man like that for as long as you did...would be good things for you. Just focus on you and your little one right now. I changed my status on FB to single.. to which one of his friends told him and he harrassed me about it.. is he right? Am I in the wrong or is this more of the same game from him? Well, you guys broke up, right? Then I'd say you're single and what you do with your FB page is none of his damn business.
Author ashleigh422 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Gosh I love you guys.. lol.. I definately know you are all right.. i just needed to hear it from someone else.. (its been hard to trust gut feelings still sometimes) I dont care what he thinks about me.. he already thinks terrible things about me.. that I know aren't tru. I was trying to keep things semi-civil for the sake of our child... I know Im not ready to jump in the pool, but I still am attracted to men.. lol.. he hasn't ruined it for all men in my eyes.. simply becuase I know quite a few really great men, men who would NEVER, EVER treat a woman the way he treated me... men like my stepdad and my grandpa... Anyways... that a whole nother issue.. so thanks for the feedback, yall are great..
loveslife Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Good luck Ashleigh. A lot of us have been where you are now and know how hard it is to leave such a situation. I'm glad you have examples of good, honorable men around you. I would still suggest taking some time to yourself. A man cannot be your knight in shining armour. You need to be your own hero, so to speak. Isn't there a song, the hero lies in you?
Author ashleigh422 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Yeppp.. I think there is.. lol.. I better look that up on YT huh?
loveslife Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Okay, I just looked it up. It's Mariah Carey, A hero lies in you. Here's the opening - There's a hero If you look inside your heart You don't have to be afraid Of what you are There's an answer If you reach into your soul And the sorrow that you know Will melt away It's such a good song. Do listen to it on YT. I think sometimes people don't really understand the point of taking some time to yourself. Some people think of it as an isolation type thing. That used to be me. But what I came to see is that at it's best, time to yourself is shifting the focus ON TO yourself. One of the things that happens in an abusive relationship is you lose your sense of self. You get so caught up in the cycle of abuse within the relationship that you're very focused on the other person. What has helped me is deciding what I most want to do and going after that. It's so awesome and empowering. I hope you'll try that. I wish you that. :bunny::bunny:
Hkizzle Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Don't start dating straight away. It's only when you learn to be happy by yourself and you don't need a man that you will find a decent man. If you can't be happy by yourself you are much more likely to attract the wrong types of men.
aerogurl87 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Well when I was left by my emotionally and verbally abusive ex boyfriend I started dating again about 2 weeks after that. Of course he wasn't happy about it and texted me, calling me every horrible name he could think of and attempting to put me down. But I'd say there's nothing wrong with dating again if you left him emotionally in the dust a long time ago. That's what I did with my ex, kinda clocked out of the relationship emotionally a month or so before it ended and so when the actual break up happened, I was fine. And now I'm happily dating another guy.
looking4 green grass Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I agree with taking time for yourself to discover who you are again. Some of the emotional cuts you have are deep, and it may take time for you to truly realize how much this guy has hurt you over the years. When I found myself fresh out of an abusive marriage I was desperate to be loved by somebody. Anybody! And I found myself right back in a relationship that was only a couple of notches better than my marriage. I don't want that for you!! Love yourself and your child for a while and see how good it feels to tell yourself how amazing you are all the time!
Recommended Posts