rayellis1127 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 About 45 minutes ago my ex, who I first posted here about, sent me a text message saying (quoted typos/mispellings maintained for fun): "Sorry for not reSponding,I'm not in a good place right now I'm life,I hope you are ok as well. i m not ready to be friends stay well and take care of your self ray" Luckily, based on my experience here on these forums, I anticipated this contact (but not so soon), and got a no contact letter together (from a website), and I responded: "Hi *******, I don't regret my decision to break up with you, I can see now it's the best thing for both of us. I'm trying to make some big decisions and I need some time to think them over. And I want to enjoy spending time with my family & friends. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me during this time. I'll be in touch when I'm ready. Ray" At first I felt like I got hit in the stomach with a bat & ruined all chances of us getting back together. Then I remembered..."hey wait a minute...this is the girl who sent those videos...I don't want to get back together with her". Then I began to giggle aloud several times. Each time was a response to thinking about how effing shocked she must have been to read that. hahaha. So today I'll remember as the start of my reFreedom. It really is empowering & I couldn't see how until I got on this side of the no contact. (notice how she hopes I'm "o k as well" as if telling me she's not in a good place in life means she's okay too.)
deux ex machina Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Her text reads like it came from a drunken monkey. Consider yourself are free of the albatross of stupid you had hanging around your neck.
Katherineos123 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Her text reads like it came from a drunken monkey. Consider yourself are free of the albatross of stupid you had hanging around your neck. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Thats hilarious! Ray: I havent read your other posts, but Im glad you had the strength to do that. That mustve been one hell of a wake up call for your girl. Good for you. But, Im confused. You split up with her?.... but you said you want her back... did you at one point regret your decision? And whats the the videos?!? Im gonna have to look up your thread because you now have me intruiged...
Art_Critic Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 IMO.. You do realize that you broke NC ?... NC stands for No Contact, not Contact when I feel like it to vent on them or try to make them feel worse than I feel. I do agree that the email you sent was a good, cleansing, boundary laying email but it wasn't NC. You contacted her to get a feel good from taking a poke at her knowing that she wasn't going to like your email. I really hope you practice NC, it seems your ex contacts you for her own selfish reasons and that can be hurtful. the way to get over the hurt is to not respond to them, Good luck in your future...
NopeNah Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 IMO.. You do realize that you broke NC ?... NC stands for No Contact, not Contact when I feel like it to vent on them or try to make them feel worse than I feel. I do agree that the email you sent was a good, cleansing, boundary laying email but it wasn't NC. You contacted her to get a feel good from taking a poke at her knowing that she wasn't going to like your email. I really hope you practice NC, it seems your ex contacts you for her own selfish reasons and that can be hurtful. the way to get over the hurt is to not respond to them, Good luck in your future... I agree.. After that video bullsh*t she would never get ANYTHING from me! She would be dead to me!
Author rayellis1127 Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 @deux ex machina Agreed about the text, it amused me she typed it liked that. And I feel free of her stupidity & my own. The important part is the feeling everything is as it should be and I don't have nasty feeling anymore. I had it at first and then it just went away. Which is to say I think I'm becoming less stupid about this whole thing. @Katherineos, It been tickling me to no end today. She's pulling out all the tricks, new emails, calling from her mom's cell phone. Texting like crazy. So far I've been the most mean person on the planet & the only one on the planet that can save her. wow...she must really be screwed up but it's not my problem. About the videos: I broke up with her 2 months ago and had no contact for a while. Then we made contact for only a few days. Two weeks or so (aprox. four days ago) she sent me videos of her being intimate with another man. So while I broke up with her, she started the nasty business, & I've paid for the consequences of her behavior. There's always been this lingering feelings that I missed her & each day I begin to like her less and less. For a moment I regretted sending the email because I momentarily thought 'oh crap...we're never going to be together now'. Then it occurred to me that I didn't even want to in the first place--which is what this whole thing is about, cleaning away her influence over my emotions. I haven't gone into allthe details of what has happened with us, but there's enough for you to get the gist (and more) of my story in my first thread, 'I feel horrible about my ex's behavior' (or something to that effect). Thanks for the support too. @Art_Critic, Yes I realized it was breaking NC. Since the last contact was so recent I was prepared to start over simply to set up these guidelines. I should have been more clear about what "I" thought was happening. I'm by character an empathetic person. Typically I would want to support her even during a break up with me. However, this time is different and I can't consider her feelings considering what she's done. I didn't want to feel like I was making her worse off than I am. I don't think that can happen. In fact, in the last few days I've even considered distributing her videos to friends, family and even her boss, just to "get back at her". Instead I just deleted it. This was about making me feel empowered to control my own emotional future. I wanted to feel like I had been clear what my own future looks like. I wanted to not only think what the email states, but I wanted to utter the words and commit myself to them. Our issue is, imo, about control. And I don't want to control her emotions, even though that is the result (but she's screwed up anyway and out of control), I want to control me. And sending the email turned out to be an exercise of control. I don't feel absolutely healthy right now. But for today, so far since the exchange, I feel healthier. And I'm leveled out. And it's the result of something "I" did for myself. So my NC starts today. Before today there was always this atmosphere about us where the potential to contact existed. Even with her nasty contact & after. I felt as though any moment I could give in & 'learn' to like her again. Now, for an odd reason, I feel like she's the past. It's over. It's really over. And I'm not sure why I don't feel sorry if it hurts her. Yes, I agree I took a poke at her, but, 'taking a poke' only marginally constitutes what I did. From my perspective I informed her I am satisfied with my decision to break up with her & that she can't have what she's trying to get--which is to have me regret the decision (by sending me videos of her with another man). And I sacrificed my previous period of no contact to do it. I think in this case the I've benefited more, almost immediately so, than if I had not. So I know the email wasn't NC & I'm counting my NC back up til that point. I think my words were unclear & could have been chosen better. Lastly, I do understand I have a new issue I'll need to deal with and that's the thought that I knew beforehand she wouldn't like the email. So I'm responsible for triggering her even further. I think it's much easier to cope with my behavior in this instance than what I imagine today would have been having not indicated to her & myself how I expect the future to be. Thanks for wishing me well & calling me out on this point. I hope I never had to go apply NC again, but if I do, or if I am supporting someone else who should, I'll keep this in mind. @Praying4Daylight, I wish she could have been dead to me as she is now. As it were, she was let's say, dying fast. Oddly enough, your choice of words help reinforce my resolve that no contact is the best way to handle this going forward.
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