livingnightmare Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Its been 6 weeks n 1 day since me n the ex split up with false hopes and false promises along the way! She has started seeing others I feel down about this after all we were together for 6 years and have a 3 1/2 yr old together, She was the first relationship ive been in and lost my virginity to her! But I am starting to question if I was really in love with her???? I don't actually miss her as a person one bit! But I definitely miss something? This may sound crude but im trying to understand something! If I loved her would I have occasionally thought of others while making love? would I have thought in my head "I don't like this part of you looks wise"? Wouldn't the sex have been mind blowing? Some times it was hard to stay aroused and i just wanted it over with? surely I would have been tottaly exstatic every time we made love? Would my pain be clearing up so quickly? not saying I'm out the woods but I'm no where near as bad as i felt the other week? I'm starting to think because ive never had another relationship before I thought I was in love? And perhaps I'm missing something because Ive never had anything on that side of life before? Does any one feel like this? Or does anyone have a take or a way for me to determine if I did or not? Thank you!
BeSteady Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Likely you were most of those thoughts/feelings are natural in even healthy relationships, but now your seeing her beyone the rose color glasses of love. She was not perfect, the one and only, and you starting to see that there may be someone out there who can offer you more. If you work hard and take some time to understand yourself the next woman wont be a trainwreck like this last one. You are likely to bounce back and forth between what you were feeling a week ago and now for some time. It is part of the process. So enjoy feeling better now and later if you don't remind yourself that you will again. You are healing and getting stronger!
NopeNah Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 After you first get dumped your ego goes to zero. You think they were perfect in every way possible. Doing that, you forget all the things you didn't like about the relationship. There were times you thought about ending it yourself. Ect.. At least this has been my experience with this now and in the past.
ashleigh422 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 The relationship you describe, the feelings you had about her... those are natural feelings. The thoughts of other women.. likely due to your inexperience. The fact that you thought thee sex should have been off the wall great all the time.. is just.. inexperience. It's great that you didn't sleep around and comitted to her. however, likely you would have learned that sex isn't ALWAYS mind blowing. Seriously.. when and if you ever sleep with anyone else, it may or may not be mind blowing.. it doesn't mean that you didn't love her... On the other hand.. the fact that you said "I don't actually miss her as a person one bit! But I definitely miss something?" tells me that you already know the answer to your own question.. perhaps you were comfortable and loved her.. but you aren't and weren't always "in love" with her. Perhaps she changed into someone you didn't like or viceversa.. Also.. say that you accept that she is not the ONE for you.. and start to move on.. and you are still sad. This is all okay. It doesn't mean that your sadness is out of some new information you discovered that changed your mind.. it is the loss of something. Don't convince yourself it is over her. ALSO.. YES.. by all means.. it is totally possible to mourn the loss of something that you thought you had.. bt now you realize you never had it to begin with..
Author livingnightmare Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 Likely you were most of those thoughts/feelings are natural in even healthy relationships, but now your seeing her beyone the rose color glasses of love. She was not perfect, the one and only, and you starting to see that there may be someone out there who can offer you more. If you work hard and take some time to understand yourself the next woman wont be a trainwreck like this last one. You are likely to bounce back and forth between what you were feeling a week ago and now for some time. It is part of the process. So enjoy feeling better now and later if you don't remind yourself that you will again. You are healing and getting stronger! Working very hard on understanding and finding myself at the moment definitely can see the light at the end of this now! And realize not to just jump straight into anything serious without my eyes wide open now! definitely noticing a change in myself regarding my feelings my healing and feeling way stronger than i was! After you first get dumped your ego goes to zero. You think they were perfect in every way possible. Doing that, you forget all the things you didn't like about the relationship. There were times you thought about ending it yourself. Ect.. At least this has been my experience with this now and in the past. Yes my ego went well below zero exspecially with the cruel things she said just to hurt me, But am starting to see she was far from perfect feeling like I looked at her how i wanted to see her not how she really is! There were plenty of times I wanted to end it but guess the driving force behind me staying was scared of being lonely and not believing in myself plus believing very much in keeping the family unit there 4 my daughter so she could have what I grew up with a loving family! I realise I didnt believe in my self at all and had very little self esteem and also realise my daughter is better of without me and her mom together cus the problems and lack of communication on the exs side was dreadful and created to much anger that sadly my daughter has seen! The relationship you describe, the feelings you had about her... those are natural feelings. The thoughts of other women.. likely due to your inexperience. The fact that you thought thee sex should have been off the wall great all the time.. is just.. inexperience. It's great that you didn't sleep around and comitted to her. however, likely you would have learned that sex isn't ALWAYS mind blowing. Seriously.. when and if you ever sleep with anyone else, it may or may not be mind blowing.. it doesn't mean that you didn't love her... On the other hand.. the fact that you said "I don't actually miss her as a person one bit! But I definitely miss something?" tells me that you already know the answer to your own question.. perhaps you were comfortable and loved her.. but you aren't and weren't always "in love" with her. Perhaps she changed into someone you didn't like or viceversa.. Also.. say that you accept that she is not the ONE for you.. and start to move on.. and you are still sad. This is all okay. It doesn't mean that your sadness is out of some new information you discovered that changed your mind.. it is the loss of something. Don't convince yourself it is over her. ALSO.. YES.. by all means.. it is totally possible to mourn the loss of something that you thought you had.. bt now you realize you never had it to begin with.. Im honestly thinking I love her but not in love with her and realising everything was false from the word go which does make me sad as I know she is a good person at heart but her issues affect how she deals with the world! I do accept fully that it is over I do get the odd moments when i wish we hadnt ended but am thinking I do deserve someone who will love me full heartedly as I know I have a lot to give in return and my principles are in the right place to do that! Im definitelyin mourning but mourning the good times (a long time ago and very few) and mourning the fact I feel I never realy new her after 6 yrs! Im also sad that she drove me off my head and made me throw a wobbler that may do damage to how my daugter will see us interact together in the future cus I know in time I will 4 give her 4 the cruel things she has done once i have moved on but see her not 4giving me 4 what i done unless she realises how much she pushed me!
Maxwell Sage Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I think if you guys were really in love or loved each other, the sex should have been mind blowing at least a few times, such as on anniversaries or during the first few months of the relationship. I had a GORGEOUS ex, she had been propositioned to model many times, but I eventually got bored because she was kind of boring in bed. The sex was mind blowing at times but once you get used to something it's hard to be as excited by it unless both of you are putting forth effort.
Author livingnightmare Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 At times the sex was great but most of the time it wasnt! My feelings are going back n forth and kind of miss her again but realise I cant change the past now and just want to get over what ever it is I need to get over! I guess theres no point me even thinking about if i love her or not really Just hate this low feeling and want to get rid of it so much! Just wish i had female friends even though im not ready for anything yet so I can feel theres a chance of someone else for me down the line but right now it feels like life has stopped, feel betrayed really badly feel like ive done this 2 myself being so blind! All the respect I had for her has gone, whatever I had for her feels so false now! But its worse because she is the mother of my child! Damn I hate this feeling so much! I wish I could say I wish I never met her! But how can I? I would never have had my daughter! Feel so low again! Cant believe I put everything in my life into her hands so much! Only 4 her to destroy a big piece of me like this! Feel like my mind and heart is sick! cant wait 4 these feelings to end!
Author livingnightmare Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Damn the thought she is screwing other people just for fun after 6 yrs and a child together just like that is really unbearable exspecially with all the sacrifices I made for her that 2 of them will stay with me forever! 1 which will more than likely haunt me in my later life! I really hav the desire to hunt her down and make her pay but know this is wrong! Lost all my friends everything dont know where to start on making new ones all I have is the internet to be honest, and shes out there enjoying every minute of her life. Feel like such a fool this is gonna be tough, real tough my room has become my prison and feel such a failure 30 yrs old back with my parents and have nothing to my name at all! feel rock bottom feel like ive waisted my life! I know deep down better days will come eventually but right now at this very minute I hate life so much!
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