fetish Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 But sometimes me and my fiance get into it, i feel like goin' upside her head. She can be a drama queen sometimes and when she gets to fussin', she'll say what she has to say but when i say my side, she tells me to shut up right as soon as i start talking. She'll keep saying shut up and won't even give me the respect to let me say my peace and just keep repeating "Shut up i don't want to hear it!" She's the type who can dish it out but can't take it. I've never hit a woman before in my life but when she does me like that, i feel like strangling her. I love her but I'm not the type to just keep quiet just to keep the peace. If i have a problem, i want to be able to say what i need to say just like she does when she has a problem. Anyone have any suggestions? I know we need counseling but i think that is so immature of her. After a few hours of a big fight, she'll go on like nothing ever happened and then all of a sudden, she wants to be cool again. Again, i'm not a woman beater or any beater. Anytime i hit someone, it's always in self defense, but when she does that, i see myself getting angry enough to snap. I can't have no DV case because i'm still too young (29) and am not trying to have something like that on my record. When we get along, everything is perfect but if we ever have disagreements, all hell breaks loose! I want to try to make this work. We've been together for 7 years. But we need to get this all out on the table or it WON"T work.
Author fetish Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 what no replies? Loveshack used to be a lot better than this !!!
whichwayisup Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 It is immature of her and quite disrespectful to not let you say what's on your mind. You listen to her, she should listen to you. Instead of wanting to smack her one in the face, calmly just say "don't tell me to shut up, that's not cool." And if she doesn't stop, walk out of the room - Give yourself a time out, do some deep breathing and then try to talk to her again. If that still doesn't work, then leave.. Go TO COUNSELLING, learn how to communicate better, both of you could learn alot.. If you love her and want it to work, she has to change her behaviour, and you need to get rid of your anger/resentment that's building up.. i hope she'll go with you.. If she isn't willing to go, break it off with her. If she isn't willing to change her ways, it'll only get worse as time goes on, especially if you marry her.
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 "The next time you say shut up to me, will be the final time I walk out that door. Do you understand?"
D-Lish Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 No wonder you feel like smacking her when she's shouting at you to shut up. The thoughts are normal, but there is a difference between thinking and doing. I couldn't deal with someone who tried to control my responses by telling me to shut up. How can the two of you have a healthy, balanced relationship if one party is never allowed to speak their mind?
samsungxoxo Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Yup tell her that you will walk out the door and leave for good next time she says ''Shut up''. Be like ''Baby, I can leave right now if you keep doing that''.
Author fetish Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 thanks for all your replies. maybe i could threaten to leave. knowing that girl, she'll actually try me and say "Fine ni$$a leave!" and when i do it, she'll just later say, "Let's go to dinner. My treat !!!
Clep Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 At a time when you are not in an arguement share with her how you feel when you are not heard. Maybe let her know that it is important that you both feel heard. Suggest to her that you both get some paper and a pen. While one is speaking have the other write some key things down that one doesn't want to forget. Take turns and set a boundarie that there is no cross talking...each has to wait their turn. Don't yell yourself. Model the behaviors you want her to have with you. Let her know you want this to be long term so you are hopeful each of you can work as a team to create a safe atmosphere of communication. If talking escalates to yelling, let her know that you would like to take some time and come back to in a bit when you are both calm and constructive communication can occur once again. Maybe write your thoughts down then too. If she will not comply leave the house and return at a later date. Maybe remember you are in control of yourself, feelings and responses. No one else can control that, no matter how hard they try. ) Hope these suggestions help.
Recommended Posts