mushmush Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I need to ask some simple advice on how to proceed with this one woman who I would really like to get to know better (than just being friends that is). I met her about a year and a half ago and have been in contact over facebook and emails. We finally managed to arrange a date after things feel into place with timing etc about 2 months ago.. We enjoy each others company, have alot in common and are very attacted to each other. Even though we like each and want to get to know each other better (we have told each other as much, she even told me she thinks she loves me via text) she has always been a bit distant. I asked her why she was distant and she told me that she had broke up with her boyfriend about 4 months ago but was still living with him.. I've done the same thing thinking you can maintain a friendship so know how messy that can be. We had a good talk and have been up front and honest with each other and she is not ready for anything more yet but still wants to see me without any pressure and even suggested our next date. (which I organised but then when it came to actually setting the date she became distant again) So how do I proceed on this one? Continue to be around and build up her confidence and being comfortable with me? Or just back off and let her call me, when she is ready.. I know if things are meant to be, they are meant to be but things also take time and effort.. p.s yes she really needs to move out of her bf place lol edit: oh yeah, im 31 and she is 28 so we are both on the same page in what we are looking for.
loveslife Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Wow, I'd say back way off. Tell her you'd like to spend some time with her once she has everything straightened out with her breakup. I strongly urge you to not get involved with her while she's still living with her ex. Like you said, it's messy. I worry about what you said about building up her confidence. That's not your job. And you should look to yourself as to why you want to be with someone who is not quite whole. Do you want to rescue her? One thing a lot of people do is fall in love with someone's potential. Try not to let that happen here. She is who she is and you need to decide if the person she is right this minute is the type of person you want a relationship with. It sounds like you recognize that you might need to back off. I suggest you do. And good luck!!
Author mushmush Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 no no, not her own confidence, her confidence in me (i wish i could edit that heehhe). She is quite the complete person, just got herself in a bad situation which she knows quite well and is trying to get herself out of. I aint rescueing her i've made that mistake before and all that happens is she drags you down to their level. She is a very confident and out going person.. If I knew she was still living with her ex I would not have gone out with her in the first place.. Then again who would have expected things to go so well? I agree with the backing off thing. She needs to sort her stuff out first before things can proceed any further.. But I will always be there for her I told her to call me when she wanted to next catch up or feel like talking and she pretty much initiated the idea for the next date.. So yeah she definatly does not want to loose me either. ps thanks, wishing for goodluck myself on this one... Waiting is not one of my stregths so its good to hear that i need to do it from someone else
loveslife Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Ohhhh that's better. Makes more sense, too, since you don't seem like a self-destructive type. However, I would advise against waiting. I suggest dating others while she's sorting this out. You just don't know what's gonna happen with her and/or how long it will take. I think it's healthy to not count on potential. So, yes, give her some space, let her get her act together, but don't wait and don't be patient. Just try and get on with your life. Does that make sense?
Author mushmush Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 definatly.. It would be very self destructive waiting on her every call.. Just a shame that she is the one that really grabs my attention. besides a little competition might push her into action and see if she is really interested.
Author mushmush Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 Oh yeah just had to thank you and update you.. just talked to her then about straightening things out first.. Best thing ever to be up front and honest with people.. Dont know why people play games, keep things simple and if people like you for who you are then great. If not, next!
Astrology_asian_guy Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I need to ask some simple advice on how to proceed with this one woman who I would really like to get to know better (than just being friends that is). I met her about a year and a half ago and have been in contact over facebook and emails. We finally managed to arrange a date after things feel into place with timing etc about 2 months ago.. We enjoy each others company, have alot in common and are very attacted to each other. Even though we like each and want to get to know each other better (we have told each other as much, she even told me she thinks she loves me via text) she has always been a bit distant. I asked her why she was distant and she told me that she had broke up with her boyfriend about 4 months ago but was still living with him.. I've done the same thing thinking you can maintain a friendship so know how messy that can be. We had a good talk and have been up front and honest with each other and she is not ready for anything more yet but still wants to see me without any pressure and even suggested our next date. (which I organised but then when it came to actually setting the date she became distant again) So how do I proceed on this one? Continue to be around and build up her confidence and being comfortable with me? Or just back off and let her call me, when she is ready.. I know if things are meant to be, they are meant to be but things also take time and effort.. p.s yes she really needs to move out of her bf place lol edit: oh yeah, im 31 and she is 28 so we are both on the same page in what we are looking for. you will need to ask her, what year and months she born. The Astrology signs is everything to me. I put my faith in it.
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