New Again Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 In an effort to not go off-topic in that other thread about living together, I'm starting this one, even though it's a very related question. As someone who has never lived with a boyfriend, nor had the desire to, I don't understand what people mean when they say that living with their boyfriend/girlfriend was the only way they would ever have found out they aren't compatible together (or some variation). I haven't needed to live with any of them to realize that for one reason or another the bf I dumped wasn't the guy for me; vice versa for the guys who dumped me. Perhaps this is because I haven't had the same experience, but my initial thoughts on that is that probably the same thing happens when you're married, but since you're married, you make more of an effort to work those things out. ...Or if you don't want to get married, but are in a similarly committed relationship. I very much believe there is a difference, but that's because my sister is one of those! Kinda like in that scene from The Story of Us - the one where Michelle Pfeiffer decides she doesn't want to divorce Bruce Willis and she gives that monologue. One line that stands out is "And I'll try to relax, let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, I mean, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits, and I know I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so I can at least find the beach, which isn't a weakness of yours, it's a strength of mine". So, what are your thoughts on this? Do married couples try harder to make things work? Is living together just an easier out? Does living together just make people lose the "in love" feelings faster? What kinds of things made you realize that you weren't compatible, or didn't want to be with the other person? I know this came up a little in the other thread, but I want more info specifically on this. My disclaimer: I really don't care what other people do, so no judgments or attacks or anything. I just don't get it and I'm curious.
aerogurl87 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 So, what are your thoughts on this? Do married couples try harder to make things work? Is living together just an easier out? Does living together just make people lose the "in love" feelings faster? What kinds of things made you realize that you weren't compatible, or didn't want to be with the other person? To answer your questions, yes I believe married couples do usually try harder to make things work because 1) they have more to lose and 2) divorces don't come cheap. I think for some living together is an easier way out unless you have things that complicate that situation (ex. having a child(ren) together, shared finances, common law marriage). Other than that, I've seen lots of people who move in and say "hmm, this is too hard with [insert name here] I'm out." But then on the same token, I've seen some who have worked hard to keep their relationship alive despite issues that may arise with cohabitation. So it all depends on the people involved. I don't think living together makes people lose the "in love" feelings faster per say. But I do think it makes it harder to keep the romance from day to day alive since you see each other every day and go through the same daily routine together. I just think living together means you have to put more effort into your relationship than if you lived apart. Same goes with a marriage. Oh and never been married and/or cohabitated with a boyfriend, but I realized my ex and I were incompatible when we got into a big argument on him not being able to see that having sexually charged chats with other women online was emotional cheating. That did it for me, and I moved on to better prospects.
You'reasian Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 having sexually charged chats with other women online was emotional cheating. That did it for me, and I moved on to better prospects. Are you sure its not just your own insecurities and jealousy? maybe your projecting your own desire to cheat on him? its not emotional cheating when a woman does it, right? right? I'm just giving you a hard time - congrats.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 You can learn whether or not you are compatible without living together..however a whole different set of circumstances and traits come into plain view when you share one roof. The bottom line is that some people just can't live together. You could be the most perfect couple and be so in love and it STILL doesn't work. On the flip side though, cohabitating couples break up pretty frequently once the "going gets tough." So that is why the divorce rate tends to be higher, because cohabitating couples are more accepting of divorce.
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