Who's house is she haunting tonight.

[sand26]

Haven't been here in a while, been crushing the single scene. But now my parade of validating myself through conquest has slowed and I return to loveshack for some much needed advice. I warn you in advance, this is a VERY long post.

 

Years ago (about seven to be exact) I met a woman. I was in my mid-twenties and I fell in love with her like I never knew was possible. We had a fairytale courtship and eventually became each others SO.

 

In the three years we were together there were some problems: We had an allergy to each other; after we had sex our privates would itch and burn, it didn't happen all the time, but if we copulated more than once a day it would get quite bad. I am and was a successful artist, and I have all the moods and issues that seem to accompany this profession, she was a young lady searching for an artistic outlet and often times she would have dysfunctional bouts of insecurity.

 

She taught me much about life and despite our problems I grew tremendously while I was with her and likewise I feel that I helped her grow and see many new things in life.

 

After three years, one of which we lived together, things fell apart. I was involved in a new project and leaving to be in NYC all the time, she needed more from me than I could offer at the time. I think she lost faith in me as an individual too, I had put all my eggs in this new project and if it failed I think she knew I would probably not survive it. She began going out in Hollywood more.... she met a famous rockstar who had already proved his success, invincibility and worth, she fell in love with him. It was hard on me, but I understood (and understand) why she went to him. I let her go with love and we never spoke again.

 

I dove into my work with all the focus and pain of a broken heart. I became a success, more than I ever was before, my work was accepted by the masses and the elite art community. Fame and fortune quickly became a reality for me.

 

Now recently I have been running into old friends of hers, they bring her up casually and talk about how she is aware of my work and how she speaks of it. i.e. "I had no idea what you were doing, but then xxxxxx told me all about it." I have never had the courage to respond to these old friends with a question, not wanting to pry into her life. They have told me that the rockstar has long since moved on, though I already knew that.

 

I have a GF now, we are in an open relationship. She is young (21), beautiful, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely loves me. She gazes at me and I can feel her profound love, yet my mind wanders......

 

 

See, the crazy thing is.....

 

I still love my ex.

 

I wasn't even willing to see that until a week ago. I still love her deeply.

It has been four years since I saw her yet she lurks in a corner of my conscience like a whisper in an echo chamber.

 

I am contemplating emailing her, calling her, finding her, .... ....

 

If you have made it this far in this story then you are patient and amazing.

What do you think I should do???

thanks in advance. If you have questions feel free to post them, it may take me a moment to respond, but I will.

 

 

 

 

the mfk

[sand26]

crickets.... crickets.....

 

 

 

guess I should have titled the post something like:

 

"All women should buy dinner"

 

or "Is he cheating, please help"?

 

OK, well if anyone has any ideas and wants to try and help me figure out what the heck I'm supposed to do now.... feel freeeeee to chime in.

[Goatsbreath]

Hm, are you asking permission to follow your heart? Are you scared to call her? Do you worry about guilt or something with your current gf? I say none of it matters. If you feel that strongly for the girl give her a call. Worse thing that happens is you find shes married, has kids, and is not available. It might sting but its better then going on your entire life with a "what if" question.

 

I myself had a "what if" question but it was with a girl I had know for a real short period. Well, I found her and reconnected but I think I made her out to be more then she was. I built her up in my head to be the one but I didn't even know much about her. I filled in the spaces. Turns out she was none of it.

 

I think you can do the same with people that you spent time with from the past. History starts to smooth over the details and you only remember that period of time as a frozen state of feeling and emotion and its sort of vague. Like, it was good. Not to mention people really do change.

 

One thing though, you really should have taken the opportunity when those old friends said they heard about your work from her. It was like the biggest invitation you will ever get to just say, "wow, how is she doing? whats she up to?" It wouldn't have been weird at all. In fact, seems like the normal thing to do. Could have had some answers the easy way, oh well, now you have to go fishing.