9Lives Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Well I am trying so hard to get thru this. I miss him soooo much and I want to contact him to say hi and hear his voice. I know that I ou should leave the dumper alone once it is over and I have been doing just that. It just hurts so much. He tried to contact me last month but it was so weak that I didnt respect it. I havent heard from him and it is killing me cause Im ready to hear his voice. Please me stay strong. (crying)
Broseph Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Why was his attempt so weak? Try to do anything to get your mind off it right now, I am just dumped outta a 4 year relationship and I hurt everyday but am trying my hardest. You will speak again most likely but you are still emotional now and must heal first. I wish you the best of luck and am here if you need someone to vent too
Author 9Lives Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 I just text him...read below Hi (ex)..this is 9lives. Hope things are going well for you. Just saying hello. If he doesnt reply...this will help me move on for sure. I will know that it is really over between us. I guess I need that
brock9911 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 im on the guy side of things..but non the less still the one who got dumped. and from a 7 1/2 year relationship. she contacted and texted me in the beginning of the breakup, but i ignored her attempts. i felt like it was out of pitty. she had so much anger towards me...mainly because of who she had become, that i think she needed justification in knowing i was ok. i honestly didnt want to give her that satisfaction, even though id love to talk or make some kind of amends. by you contacting him... your giving him leverage. ok if he doesnt text back than you move on....or do you analyze it and wonder why he hasnt responded. whos he with whats he doing, ect. and if he does respond, than your stuck with false hopes of things magicaly getting better, when deep inside you know how can they. honestly no contact is your best solution best of luck
Author 9Lives Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 im on the guy side of things..but non the less still the one who got dumped. and from a 7 1/2 year relationship. she contacted and texted me in the beginning of the breakup, but i ignored her attempts. i felt like it was out of pitty. she had so much anger towards me...mainly because of who she had become, that i think she needed justification in knowing i was ok. i honestly didnt want to give her that satisfaction, even though id love to talk or make some kind of amends. by you contacting him... your giving him leverage. ok if he doesnt text back than you move on....or do you analyze it and wonder why he hasnt responded. whos he with whats he doing, ect. and if he does respond, than your stuck with false hopes of things magicaly getting better, when deep inside you know how can they. honestly no contact is your best solution best of luck I guess I wanted to see if he still cares for me and wants to talk. He tried to contact me twice last month and I didnt respond so now I felt like maybe he wanted to talk but felt like I didnt want to talk to him. He didnt respond so I am going to leave it alone. It feels good and bad at the same time. I will never understand how you can treat a man so good and he just walk away like you did him wrong. I guess that is life.
brock9911 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 trust me i know, i treated my ex like gold. she than cheated, and me being the sucker i am, took her back and tried to make things work... low and behold she dumped me because she thought i was cheating. i gave her everything she ever wanted. we went away constantly...basically was like marriage. but she got liquored up multiple times from what iv found out and cheated. as good as things were sober, i couldnt get over what she did drunk. keep your mind and heart open. dont become a clam. you'll get spurts of feeling good, great, and bad. it'll come and go but just stick to your guns. he has a lack of appretiation for you, and sometimes you grow apart and its not ment to be. to u and i it was, to them it wasnt
Author 9Lives Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 trust me i know, i treated my ex like gold. she than cheated, and me being the sucker i am, took her back and tried to make things work... low and behold she dumped me because she thought i was cheating. i gave her everything she ever wanted. we went away constantly...basically was like marriage. but she got liquored up multiple times from what iv found out and cheated. as good as things were sober, i couldnt get over what she did drunk. keep your mind and heart open. dont become a clam. you'll get spurts of feeling good, great, and bad. it'll come and go but just stick to your guns. he has a lack of appretiation for you, and sometimes you grow apart and its not ment to be. to u and i it was, to them it wasnt Brock, I think you are right when you said he lacks appreciation for me. I have to hold on to that cause that is basically how I feel. I didnt really realize it until now. He lacks appreciation for me. I see. I hope I never met a man like him ever again. It is all about him man. ALL about him. WOW!! Nothing good can come from such selfishness. Maybe he is doing me a favor. As far as your exgf...if she cheated then she has the problem. it dont sound like she is a winner to me. I am pretty sure you can meet another lady that wont be getting drunk and acting like a whore. You need a real woman. I guess your heart just needs to realize that.
brock9911 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 yeah i guess. i guess i get so wrapped up in what it was, and dont see what it actually became. it sux to devote all that time and energy/love to just let it go...even though i wasnt the 1 who let it go. shoulda been, but wasnt. and what really gets under my skin is she still has our picture up on myspace, says shes in a relationship. our anniversary is her myspace url. i deleted her so im not her top friend, but why does something so petty get to me. prob cuz she knows it does and thats y she wont change it.
rayellis1127 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 9lives, When he contacts you he's just checking to see if he can still get a reaction from you. He's probably feeling quite adequate right now. Or, maybe he wasn't to use you to cope with his current romantic troubles. This might sound silly, but I see this 'no contact' philosphy like drying off after a swim. When we get out of a pool, there's always water, bits of the relationship, lingering on our bodies, making us cold & shiver & sorta remember what being in the pool feels like. The trick to getting rid of the shiver (negative feelings resulting from the relationship) is to dry off, not get back in the pool. You made it four years right? I think that's awesome, even though you made contact. I can't wait to have four years behind me (I got about four days now, i think). How courageous you've been all this time. This guy is up to something. He is living proof what everyone here says about the power of NC. Start NC again. He's trying to wiggle right back into your life. If you want to communicate to him that you're more powerful, you hold the higher ground, that you've moved on, do it by proving you've got a life and keep NC. I'm amazed how supportive people are here. Come here when you're triggered to contact. Read the NC guide. Socialize at a diner. Browse the magazine section at a drug store. ANYTHING. You're not this guy's reserved toy. You're our friend & we want you to take care of yourself.
Author 9Lives Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 well I called him and he answered. I just wanted to clear the air between us. I'm not looking to get back together anymore. I just cant stand waking up thinking and wondering about him so I did it for me. He opened up some. He is very focused on himself and his life and the direction it is going in. I could tell I really dont want to be a part of his life and circle no more but i was glad to talk to him. I want someone who is concerned about me and us ....not just himself. 4 years is a long time and I dont need to be able to put this behind me and not sit around thinking about what he is doing at this time. Im glad I called so I dont have to the NC thing anymore. Im going to focus on my life and hopefully I meet where we love each other. That what it is all about.
rayellis1127 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 well I called him and he answered. I just wanted to clear the air between us. I'm not looking to get back together anymore. I just cant stand waking up thinking and wondering about him so I did it for me. He opened up some. He is very focused on himself and his life and the direction it is going in. I could tell I really dont want to be a part of his life and circle no more but i was glad to talk to him. I want someone who is concerned about me and us ....not just himself. 4 years is a long time and I dont need to be able to put this behind me and not sit around thinking about what he is doing at this time. Im glad I called so I dont have to the NC thing anymore. Im going to focus on my life and hopefully I meet where we love each other. That what it is all about. 9lives, My opinion is heavily influenced by my own current struggle to be free. So I think no contact seems the best practice. But, considering the tone of your posts in this thread, I can only tell you I wish the best for you and just stay alert & take care of yourself like you've said. Nice meeting you!
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