Heartbroken-idiot Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 i know that im too nice, too much of a push over when it comes to her, no matter how she treats me im there like a little puppy dog waiting to take some more, she ignores me for days so rather than ignore her back or when she does contact me, say what is the problem, i say i hope your ok all the time and im here for you. what im asking is how do i grow a backbone, i know i need to, but everytime she f**ks me about i take it and give her more love back because im scared that if im strong she just wont come back to me anymore. i know the answers but i just cant seem to find the balls to do what i need to do, any help?
Taucher Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 There is no such things as being 'too nice'. What you are is too compliant. You are putting her needs before your own through fear or low self-esteem. It's a cycle that you are in and you need to get out of it for yourself. Lots of people are very nice but don't compromise. I think it is a bit of a myth that girls don't like men who are nice. They like men who are as nice as possible but also strong and know their own mind. I am ok at the being nice bit but not so good at the being strong. I am working on it. Stay nice and become less compliant is my advice.
Thaddeus Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 OP, I'd suggest getting a copy of Dr Robert Glover's book, No More Mr Nice Guy. There's also a website and message board similar to this on that you might find useful.
Taucher Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Also, if you keep letting her treat you like this it will build up inside you and when you snap, which you probably will, it will be worse. This relationship sounds like it is over (or at least it SHOULD be over). Why dont you practice being strong and assertive with her and then you will have perfected it by the time you meet the one you will spend the rest of your life with. And you say that you are scared that if you are strong she wont come back to you? Thats insane. If she does come back to you and you let her walk all over you, that will be your relationship boundaries set, and YOU will probably end up leaving HER because you cant take it any more. And by being strong and saying enough is enough is MORE likely to get her back than being a pushover.
DustySaltus Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 She knows you all too well. As Taucher said you have a cycle that you need to break. In a HEALTHY relationship everything should flow easily. I don't neccesarily think that you need to speak everyday but there shouldn't be games involved. You need to change your approach a little at a time if you really want to try and make things work with her. It can go one of three ways from there: A) She Dumps you because she was looking for a way out anyway and now you finally gave her a reason to get out without hurting her conscience OR B) She respects what you have to say, changes and you live happily ever after OR C) Things go on as usual if you do nothing. good luck though
wondering_girl Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 hi, it seems like we have the same situation, but it's in reverse.. i have a post here too..... i dated my bf for four years and the first time i called out my bf on his silent treatment behavior he disappeared on me.... but i had to though, because if i don't i was starting to loose my self-respect, i miss him, i love him, but i don't want him to treat me like that in the future.... it hurts that he turned 360 on me..... i definitely understand how you feel, i was scared to call him out to make things worse the whole 4 years i didn't but this time..... i had to, and the only options that we have now is for him to realize that what he did, him leaving me, or fixing our relationship.. i'm out in the cold it hurts.
jaybird1043 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I agree with the above, you have to check out No More Mr Nice Guy...I am the same way as you, and my gf dumped me a few weeks back because I was too nice and it broke my heart. I'm still trying to get over it, but the book will help. Work on you for awhile, do not worry about her, I know easier said than done, but its all for the better.
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