Cora Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I have been friends with this guy for about two years now. It's the type of friendship where he will gladly listen and try to help me with my problems and I would do the same for him. He is one of the sweetest guys ever, but there is nothing there for me romantically. The other night I decided to call him up since we hadn't talked in awhile and because I had some things on my chest and I knew he would know just what to say. Well, I didn't even get to say my piece because I got the shock of my life. He was like I'm really glad you called there has been something I've been wanting to tell you for the longest time, but have been too nervous. He told me he had feelings for me and has liked me for awhile now. He has been through a lot and isn't really the most stable emotionally.....that combined with the fact that I had a lot on my chest and was just feeling kind of lousy.....it kind of just slipped out of my mouth that I liked him too. It was like an automatic response that I could not stop. I did not mean for that to come out and I feel terrible about it!! The thing is I do like him.....as a friend, but nothing more. Here he is all excited now, saying I made his day etc. I did not know what to say or do to rectify it. I was speechless. I don't want to hurt him, but I know leading him on will hurt him more and I don't want that at all!! I have kind of been avoiding him, but I know I'm going to have to face him eventually. How do I recover from this and let him down gently? I am really flattered that he likes me in that way, but I just don't feel the same. I'm also afraid that this will effect our friendship. I mean it's just going to feel kind of weird now. Any advice? I know I gotta talk to him and I will. I'm just no good at this!
xpaperxcutx Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 You're trying to avoid the inevitable. You're a terrible friend by doing what you're doing, why can't you just be honest? It would just be better to clear any misunderstandings then to one day meet up with your friend and find out he hates you. This is not a guy that you randomly met online and could disappear on because things didn't work out. If you value the friendship you will at least call him if not meet him in person and tell him how you really feel.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Cora...time to own up, sweetie. Give him a call and explain to him that you slipped up. What you meant was that you like him as a friend and that he's been the absolute best at that. Tell him you are really afraid to lose that - his friendship is so important to you. There's no way to break this to him easy. There's no way to keep from him getting hurt. You made a mistake and fixing said mistake is going to hurt him. But avoiding the situation is just prolonging the pain. Bite the bullet.
Thaddeus Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 The "I like you as a friend" speech is about the biggest kick in the stones that a man can hear from a woman he's romantically interested in. It doesn't matter how much it's sugar-coated, it's still pretty much the worst thing that a man can hear. The only worse thing is leading him on, having him live in hope that this friendship will evolve into something more meaningful. No matter what you do or how you say it, Cora, he's going to be very, very hurt. Xpaperxcutx and SoulSearch_CO are right. You're going to have to come clean with this fellow. It will effect your friendship, no question about that - it might end it altogether. But there's really no other way.
BCCA Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 The "I like you as a friend" speech is about the biggest kick in the stones that a man can hear from a woman he's romantically interested in. It doesn't matter how much it's sugar-coated, it's still pretty much the worst thing that a man can hear. The only worse thing is leading him on, having him live in hope that this friendship will evolve into something more meaningful. No matter what you do or how you say it, Cora, he's going to be very, very hurt. Xpaperxcutx and SoulSearch_CO are right. You're going to have to come clean with this fellow. It will effect your friendship, no question about that - it might end it altogether. But there's really no other way. This is exactly what I was thinking, and I agree 100%.
Author Cora Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I feel terrible and I guess I just choked when he told me he had feelings for me. I was not expecting that at all. I know all to well how it feels to be told by someone you adore and are falling for that they only like you as a friend. It hurts like hell and I did not want to hurt him like that. He has had it really rough and I do care about him so very much, but I can't force myself to have feelings for him. Believe me I've tried. But I also know how it feels to be led on by someone so I'm going to call him today and explain everything. I really hope he would still want to be friends, but I can't blame him if he doesn't. He has been my friend for two years and I just don't want to lose all of that. Of course that would make me selfish always being about what I WANT. Anyway, thanks again.
alphamale Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 you have to end the friendship. this is a perfect example of why i recommend that men and women not be friends... basically you've been using him for emotional support and i think you should stop it. just stop calling/seeing him
BCCA Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I feel terrible and I guess I just choked when he told me he had feelings for me. I was not expecting that at all. I know all to well how it feels to be told by someone you adore and are falling for that they only like you as a friend. It hurts like hell and I did not want to hurt him like that. He has had it really rough and I do care about him so very much, but I can't force myself to have feelings for him. Believe me I've tried. But I also know how it feels to be led on by someone so I'm going to call him today and explain everything. I really hope he would still want to be friends, but I can't blame him if he doesn't. He has been my friend for two years and I just don't want to lose all of that. Of course that would make me selfish always being about what I WANT. Anyway, thanks again. Its the ultimate catch-22. On one hand, you dont want to lose a friend, so you might say things you dont mean, but on the other - you kind of know when he finds out you dont feel the same, hes going to be crushed. We've all been on both sides of this coin, and we've all thought long and hard about the easiest way to deal with it, but there just isnt one. Its just going to have to suck. And yes, expecting he will want to be friends is kind of selfish, but I think we all know where you are coming from. you have to end the friendship. this is a perfect example of why i recommend that men and women not be friends... Even if you remained 'friends', its just never going to be the same again. I really dont have any female friends that arent co-workers, and its not like I see them outside of work. It really is tough.
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