aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 First of all good evening everyone. I'm new to this forum and I'm unsure of whether to tell my gf of 9 months what I been doing. I do not want to lose her. I have constantly checked on all her email accounts, instant messengers and also her cell phone history whenever she's not around. On top of that I have also showed up at her work sometimes as well as her house (but just to see if her van was there and it was). So far I have found nothing but I keep on doing it. She doesn't know about it though. Any way I can stop doing this as she has never given me a reason not to trust her. If I tell her, she might think I'm a crazy stalker which I'm not. What's wrong with me? I want to stop this but still ind myself doing it.
bhweller Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 actually you are a crazy stalker, lol be honest with yourself.
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 actually you are a crazy stalker, lol be honest with yourself.I know, I must be lunatic but I love her so much I can't stand it if I were to get hurt again.. I think it's my way of preventing from getting hurt over and over again...
nay91 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 well obviously you are doing this for a reason. I dont know what that reason is. Maybe your insecure and think she is cheating on you? Or something has happened in your past where you've been unfaithful or vise versa. I dont no cuz i dont no u. But thats probably the reason why you are doing what you do. In my opinion I wouldnt tell her because I know for a fact she will get angry and worse comes to worse she might break up with you because she thinks you dont trust her.
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Or something has happened in your past where you've been unfaithful or vise versa. I dont no cuz i dont no u. But thats probably the reason why you are doing what you do.Yes two different girls have cheated on me in the past so guess now I have a hard time trusting and opening up. I do not said '' l love you'' nor open up very easily.
boogieboy Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Yes two different girls have cheated on me in the past so guess now I have a hard time trusting and opening up. I do not said '' l love you'' nor open up very easily. Stop focising your energy on checking her emails and such, and start focusing on what you did for these previous gf's to cheat on you. You had to have been deficient in doing something to make these women cheat on you. Its something you are doing wrong. THATS what you need to focus on. If you tell her, she will leave you for sure because you are a crazy stalker, but I understand why you do it, its because you dont know why these girls leave you. Figure that out.
EricaH329 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Stop focising your energy on checking her emails and such, and start focusing on what you did for these previous gf's to cheat on you. You had to have been deficient in doing something to make these women cheat on you. Its something you are doing wrong. THATS what you need to focus on. I very much disagree with this. Just because someone cheats on you, doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It doesn't matter if you are with 20 different people throughout your life, and every single one of them cheats on you. Does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Just means you are attracted to the wrong people. As far as checking up on her goes, do you think you will be able to stop doing it? I mean, honestly be able to stop doing it? If not, I would discuss with her the problem you have. Maybe try to figure out how to overcome this problem in order to maintain a healthy relationship with her. I know it's hard when it comes to insecurities... but sometimes you just have to let them go. If it seems as if she's trustworthy, then maybe you should try and let your guard down.
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Stop focising your energy on checking her emails and such, and start focusing on what you did for these previous gf's to cheat on you. You had to have been deficient in doing something to make these women cheat on you. Its something you are doing wrong. THATS what you need to focus on.To answer your question I still think there is no excuse to cheat but yes maybe I did lack something. Out of 4 girls I dated (5th with this current one), the last two cheated. I was a fine individual with no trust issues until I get cheated. Cheater #1: According to her, it as mainly because she still had feeling over her ex but later on went on saying that it meant nothing, that it would never happen again, blah, blah, blah. Keep saying how I was not always in the mood for sex. Yes to some extend that's true. I'm not into having sex every single day while she was. How did I found out: Through both an old ex and a yahoo im. What I did: I took her back like an idiot thinking I could solve it. 2 months later, she cheats again. Again, the idiot I was I took her back. She cheats again with the ex off course (only 1 week later after taking her back). I dumped her the 3rd time she cheated. Cheater # 2: I actually caught her in the act of foreplay (they were just few steps away from having sex) as I already had my suspicious. She had cancelled a football game because she claimed to have menstrual cramps. Being the 4th time turning down a date and acting weird (not answering phone calls or sayign she's busy at work, etc.) so I went to her house to surprise her and bang, I busted her. Needless to say I almost wanted to beat the living her out of the OM. What I did: Same idiot that took her back after all that crying and begging. She practically choked in those tears plus guess I still loved her back then. Off course it was never the same again. After 6 months into trying to work it out, I decided to leave silently, never to be heard or be seen again. She tried contacting me but I blocked her. I even changed my number. I just disappear without any explanation.
allina Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I would be so terrified and freaked out I would never speak to the guy again :sick:
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Don't tell her and stop doing it. Are you not in control of your actions?I know I am. It's easier to say it than do it. I have told myself about more than 5 times that I must stop doing that else she will one day find out and eventually for sure dump me, think I'm crazy. Just when I was stopping for good, two days ago I was like ''Ah, I'll check just one email, that's all''. And that's when I start checking all the emails, etc. From then on it starts again. But ok I'll stop this time, hopefully I'll get my mind to think about something else whenever I have those urges to snoop on her again. The other thing: if you snoop you will eventually find something. Text messages and emails can easily be misconstrued when discovered by someone they weren't intended forI guess so, that's what I fear the most, getting cheated (made a fool) again and again. Then I picture that if it happens I'll find out who the other man is and beat the living hell out of him.
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 If it seems as if she's trustworthy, then maybe you should try and let your guard down.I'll try doing that. A bit hard to when you have been cheated in the past by two different ones. Once in a while as I am alone, I tried to figured out what I did wrong for them to cheat on me.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 You're bitter and your insecurity is driving you to do these things that are wrongfully targeted against your gf. You should stop doing all the unnecessary stalking and seek professional help.
hopesndreams Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Stop focising your energy on checking her emails and such, and start focusing on what you did for these previous gf's to cheat on you. You had to have been deficient in doing something to make these women cheat on you. Its something you are doing wrong. THATS what you need to focus on. If you tell her, she will leave you for sure because you are a crazy stalker, but I understand why you do it, its because you dont know why these girls leave you. Figure that out. Those that cheat do so out of selfishness and sense of entitlement. They lack a moral compass! No one makes anyone cheat.
boogieboy Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Those that cheat do so out of selfishness and sense of entitlement. They lack a moral compass! No one makes anyone cheat. As much as cheaters are selfish, Only fools believe that they are NEVER to blame, even in the case of a cheater. You are to blame whether or not you ignored signs that the person wasnt over their ex, or you didnt give the cheater what they wanted so they looked for it elsewhere. Not all people are serial cheaters, and no one is a 100% innocent victim. Aaron, try to picture this: maybe try to look ahead, and picture what life would be like for you if you told her and she left you. That might help you stop looking at her emails. Remember, if youre suspicious, you might be unknowingly showing that behavior to her, which will torpedo everything. All you have to do is keep a healthy relationship going, learn from your past mistakes, and keep that woman fulfilled so that she wouldnt feel like she needs someone else.
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Aaron, try to picture this: maybe try to look ahead, and picture what life would be like for you if you told her and she left you. That might help you stop looking at her emails.If I tell her, she'll look at me like I'm a creep and leave me for sure. This what I'm thinking... Whenever I start having those urges to check up on her, I'll imagine I was caught and picture what her reaction will be. I know I got to stop doing this as she has done nothing to deserve that. Remember, if youre suspicious, you might be unknowingly showing that behavior to her, which will torpedo everything. All you have to do is keep a healthy relationship going, learn from your past mistakes, and keep that woman fulfilled so that she wouldnt feel like she needs someone else.I'll provide her with everything I can. Hopefully she doesn't cheat on me.
EarthGirl Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Aaron, One thing you should consider that may put your mind at a little more ease is that some people aren't "cheaters" at all. I mean me personally I am just not comfortable being with more than one person at a time, for my own emotional well being it's practically impossible..and for the sake of the other person....Even if he was terrible to me, I would probably if worse came to worse would break up with him FIRST before I slept or even went on a date or got emotionally involved with someone else at all. If he did something REALLY terrible, like cheated on ME, or beat me or something, I might feel entitled to cheat (of course if he beat me I would just leave and find safety), but even if it wasn't revenge cheating and I was genuinely interested in the person, I would probably tell him first ...SORT of because even if he betrayed me in one of those ways, I'd feel I somehow I don't know, I'm just the kind of person that I would feel I owed it to him to tell him first and not keep him in the dark and end up making him look like a fool in front of me and whoever else in the circle of friends or whoever, when he finds out months later, the last to know, as they say...(that's just not right, I could never do that to someone)...and maybe SORT of to make him jealous cause hey when you love someone even if it's not right sometimes you want to hurt them like they hurt you. We all have our good sides and our dark sides...But suffice to say that you have had two experiences where girls cheated on you but based on statistics, I'd say you have just a slight advantage being that women tend to cheat a little less often than guys...maybe not a big one, but beyond that, you have to have a little faith and at least open your mind to the possibility that this girl you're dating now is not the kind of girl that would even consider that (even though the statistics of your past experiences say to you that you will probably get what you have always gotten-that is not always the case in life, thankfully), and in fact that maybe it is not even difficult at all for her NOT to cheat. And beyond that maybe that she cares about you enough that even if it WAS very very difficult to resist, she still would, because she is committed to you, you are her choice for good reason. I know that there are no guarantees, but you can never get anywhere if you don't believe just a little again, you can still try to keep your heart a little safe...but you have to open it a little and have faith that even if the worst does happen, you will survive.
bluewolf17 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 OP Things are going to end very badly. You need to get a grip. When someone is "looking" for evidence to support cheating/lying..whatever...they WILL find it. Regardless if the "evidence" holds water or not. I hope your a troll, I really do. But if this is serious...get help.
torranceshipman Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 You seriously need to get help - you are treating this girl really, really badly. It'd totally freak me out if I found out that a guy was doing this to me.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 OMGoodness. Get counseling, stat. This REEKS of insecurity and if she finds out, you WILL get hurt because any self-respecting woman would head for the hills. After talking extensively with said counselor, ask him/her if you should tell your GF. Personally, if I were her, I'd prefer not to know and that you knock it off immediately.
norajane Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 You do not belong in a relationship - you are not healthy enough to be in one. That poor girl has no idea who she's gotten involved with. I have constantly checked on all her email accounts, instant messengers and also her cell phone history whenever she's not around. How is it that you have access to her email accounts, IM accounts, and her cell phone history? Did you hack into all her accounts? That's illegal on top of being crazy. Get some professional help, or you're going to end up with a criminal record.
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 How is it that you have access to her email accounts, IM accounts, and her cell phone history? Did you hack into all her accounts?Yes I did hack in all her account. She has no idea I been doing that since the 2nd month into our relationship. I realize I have a problem thus why I'm going to stop doing that. I don't want to lose her, which I will if she finds out. On top of that, one time I had a dream that she cheated on me so that makes it even worst. I guess I do have insecurities when it comes to trusting easily but I will have to finally let my guard down hoping I don't get made an idiot again. I know she's not like the two 2 exs that cheated and can't believe I even took them back fooling myself that it would just like before when it apparently wasn't. One thing for sure I will never take back a cheater. However, I have never told her my past. I'm not going to tell her about the snooping around but maybe I should tell her about my past and how it affected me, till this day I have not recover completely.
Author aaronkicks Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 #1 - It isn't fair to her. She doesn't deserve to have her privacy invaded.No she doesn't, no one deserves that. I'm going to stop as it's getting no where and will just take the risk again. I'll see whatever comes. If it turns out that she cheats, then would be her loss. I'm sick and tire of taking back cheater. I was a forgiver type that to my exs back but within me rage was still inside and I became a jealous guy as a result of it. Luckily with her, there is no guy friend (well except for a cousin who's 7 years younger than her) so I don't have to be jealous. #2 - You have insecurity issues based on what's happened in the past. It's understandable that you feel that way. But you need to address those issues for your own benefit. It's hell to live in fear.While I will not tell her about the snooping around, I will probably tell her about those cheating exs. Sometimes I imagine making up something about them and have people believe that, thus giving them a horrible reputation. An example would be if I were to go to their myspace profile and invent something that would make people (esp. her friends) not want to talk to her. In other words spread a bad rumor about them. They would deserve that for treating me horribly. I did not deserve being cheated on. ##3 - Don't tell her. Just get help and STOP IT! No I ain't telling her. I got a counselor need my campus. I'm going there. But will I get in trouble if I told them what I been doing? Are they going to bring detective in my house or file a report on me? I have never ever gotten in trouble with the law before.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Cripes, buddy - get help ASAP. The fact that you are still holding so much ANGER towards your exes is very telling. My XH cheated on me - we divorced a year ago. While I hurt thinking about it, and yeah, it makes me a little angry, I don't harbor ideations of trying to f*** up his life. Maybe your lesson to learn from both instances is to forgive and LET GO. You can't call yourself "forgiving" if you're kicking around the idea of posting BS on their MS pages. Give me a break. No I ain't telling her. I got a counselor need my campus. I'm going there. But will I get in trouble if I told them what I been doing? Are they going to bring detective in my house or file a report on me? I have never ever gotten in trouble with the law before. It's not likely they'd pursue it. But if I were you, I'd just say I was "snooping," and not say anything about hacking in. If they happen to ask how you got into the accounts, just shrug and say you have the passwords. It's none of their business where you got them from. Hacking into somebody's email account wouldn't really be high priority for law enforcement to pursue unless it involved some type of harm to the victim of said hacking...or if the victim really pressured LE to pursue it. If you were half decent, you'd find some way of telling your GF she needs to change her passwords...then you wouldn't be tempted in the future to sneak a peak in there.
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