lunadelmar Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 so this is kind of embarassing, but I do not know what else to do, or who I can call for help, and the situation is getting kind of desperate... Ok so I'm a 21 year old exchange student from Latin America, and I will be here in the states for a year. The thing is that, I am taking this course and I have gotten to the conclusion that, I have this enormous crush on one of my Professors, and frankly, I don't see who wouldn't. The guy is wonderful! Smart, funny, very PASSIONATE about his work (he said the first day that the course im currently taking is his favorite to teach) and, I just can't help admiring him profoundly. Since English is not my second language, and the material in class is a little bit complicated, I talked to him so he could maybe give me some tutoring after class (it is not an excuse, really, I really need them, I really can't fail plus I like the class), and he willingly said yes, the first day he said that he would be willing to anyone who needed. So I have been going to the after class tutoring and frankly, i don't know if he suspects something; I can't help having this huge, stupid, dreamy smile on my face, my eyes literally sparkle when I look at him, and I cant help to wonder if he has some kind of suspicion... after all, he has been a Professor for a long time now, I think he might be around his fifties, and I'm 100% sure that I'm not the first student to have a crush on him. But oh well. The thing is that he does NOT have a wedding ring on his hand, and I wonder if he is married or not... after all, he doesn'thave pictures in his office, and he hasn't mentioned anything about having a family. this guy is really intriguing to me, and for the things he has said in class, we might have the same interests (intellectually), and, if the opportunity is given, a nice, long, many hour conversation, which I would LOVE. But I do not know what to do, or how to act, or what to say. I don't want to be that obvious but I do want him to get the hint that I am interested in him... what should I do? After all, I will be leaving in May, and age is not a big factor to me. please, help me!!!
Tayla Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Hi luna, welcome to the forum. Stick around and read some of the previous posters remedies. It might fit your situation.
Tony T Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 While he is your professor it would be highly unethical for him to date you or otherwise see you romantically. If detected he could lose his job real fast. It's best for now to simply be his friend, to see him on a friendly basis...maybe invited him to have lunch with you, etc. Try to hold back on the starry-eyed stuff because if he does feel there is something going on he's likely to pull back. Once the semester is over and you are no longer his student, then you should approach him and let him know your feelings. Please understand, he may not react the way you want him to. If he's a professor and in his 50's I'm sure lots of other ladies have had crushes on him as well. A man in his 50's who is surrounded by beautiful women every semester is not likely to want to settle down in a long term relationship. After the semester, you won't have a lot of time to cultivate a relationship with this guy anyway before you have to go back home. However, if things did work out positively perhaps you could work it out with your family and the immigration people to stay in the United States and work for a while. Again, the odds are very much against anything happening between the two of you on a permanent basis...but, then again, love will find a way. Also, do all in your power to be sure this man doesn't take advantage of your feelings to temporarily disrupt your life and then abandon you after he's had his fun. You are treading on emotionally very scary ground. YOU have to decide if its worth risking the pain to go cautiously forward.
always_searching Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Hi, Lunadelmar-- Girl, do I understand your plight! I too am smitten with my professor, but it's in a slightly different setting as I am a grad student; the student/professor dynamic changes once you go from undergraduate to graduate studies from one less parental to one more peer-based. Regardless, I absolutely agree with Tony that you need to wait until you are no longer his student. Check the student/professor dating policy at your school as well--I'm sure you aren't looking to get him fired, or yourself kicked out. Most schools ignore the situation as long as it's not while you are his student or under his mentorship as a student i.e. he's not advising you in your field of study. Okay, so how do you let him know that you like him: again, I would wait until after grades are submitted, because--let's face it--academia is like anyplace else and prone to gossip. You don't want to be the girl who got an A in the class because she was a flirt with the professor. To avoid any stigmas, wait until the class is over and talk to him about how you feel. That being said, I'm willing to bet that once this class is over and a new semester starts, you will forget about this professor; heck, you may even start liking another professor. Generally, when someone develops feelings for his/her professor, it is because of an interest in what that person is offering you: knowledge. Or maybe you're transferring feelings for your father onto him? I know that was an issue with me for a long while--every semester there was always ONE professor who caught my interest in a special way, because they were what I wanted to be: knowledgable in my field of study. I also tended to like older professors most likely because of my poor relationship with my father. Anyway, assess your feelings and determine if it is really HIM you are interested in, or what he has to offer viz. knowledge. Anyway, I wish you luck! I currently have feelings for a professor as well--I've assessed my feelings and am pretty sure that HE is the one who interests me, but I am still in awe of his knowledge and I'm probably still transferring feelings for my father onto him...
bluewolf17 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I pretty much get crushes on all of my professors. If I were you..I would just enjoy having a crush. But if he indicates that he likes you, you BETTER get busy on that desk. Do it for me.
always_searching Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 if he indicates that he likes you, you BETTER get busy on that desk. Do it for me. :lmao: Bluewolf, you're absolutely right! What the hell am I doing wasting time on here? *runs out the door toward Dr. X's office*
Author lunadelmar Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 clarify, or whatever your name is: NO i do not want just some sex. i said that because, after all, I don't have nothing to lose, regardless if he finds out or not, I will be moving back to Argentina (my homecountry) in May and, regardless of what his answer would be, I probably won't see him again. The thing is that, I might take classes with him again next semester because the department is pretty small and he gives a few classes, so I hope that the silly annoying crush goes away in winter vacations. And to always_searching: you got me thinking hardly, since my father situation is similar: my relationship with my father is very, very poor. Anyways, thanks everyone for the advice, I really needed to get it out of my system. I appreciate the sincere, objective advice, without negativity or biased. I really appreciate it.
Athena Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 It's Clarify. Not whatever-your-name-is. Well, she's not wrong to say Whatever Your Name is, since you change your name every couple of weeks/months, whenever you get banned from LoveShack... you know, your previous names like Greenish, Creeks, Sky123, SignedIn, BlackWhite, etc etc... so... what did you say it was for now? <Clarify>? Interesting
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