IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I need advice. My husband has been friends with this female from work for about 2 years now. She and I do not get along. I must admit I was snooping and saw some nasty, and questionable text messages from her. She has bought my husband clothes and cologne. He constantly says there is nothing going on! and refuses to cut her out of his life! The times that I have talked to her she has said the same at first. But the last time, she said to me "that's not your husband, bit*h! He even has his new cell phone under her account! I used to be a fighter by nature, so please believe that I didn't let it go! But I never wanted to fught in my marriage! I am a hopeless romantic and I feel like he is cheating with this person. What do u think? Please reply! I can't take this anymore
ryepatch Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 by "nasty," do you mean "sexually explicit?" just to clarify.
hopesndreams Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Yes, he's cheating. No woman would buy a man cologne and clothes if there wasn't something going on. If he doesn't give up his "friend" there is no point in being married to him.
2.50 a gallon Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I think you already know the answer to your question He does not respect you I am no longer married, but have been in a relationship with my GF for coming on 14 years. Nobody, and I mean nobody is allowed to disrespect her and call her a bitch in my presence. She has to be gone
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 One message said something like" I'm tired of this sh** with you" another one was a video of a woman having sex with a man and the caption said " this is how I am gonna get your paycheck" and most recently she said " my baby daddy came over and fell asleep over here but I swear on my mama's grave, we did not sleep together". These are some of the things she sent to him.
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 yeah. And thanks for replying. Its just hard to accept! I mean just to give you some background on us: he was my first and only everything, and I guess I feel like I've invested so much time and energy into this marriage and not to mention what a divorce will do to the kids. u know what's ironic, I said that I would never want to stay married for the kids, and that's almost exactly why i'm still here!
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate. If you have any other advice for me please post! Thanks again
hopesndreams Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 The only way to save the M, if he doesn't give her up, is to tell him to get out and you want a divorce. At the very least, kick him out of your bed, he can sleep on the floor in the basement. You have to do something that is drastic to make him WAKE UP and that the relationship he is having with this OW is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Do not believe for a second that he is just friends with her. Cheaters lie, big time. Does the OW have a H, bf, SO?
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 I have tried that. I even went down to the court house and got the Divorce papers and filled out my protion of it. At first, he seemed shocked and said he would leave her alone, but less than 2 weeks later I found that they were still communicating. And he claimed at first that she had a BF but last he said He dont know if she does or not! ( LIE!)
tojaz Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 What is his age?? Is MLC a possibility?? There is definitely something inappropriate going on there. he wouldn't decieve you otherwise, and the cell being on her plan is a major red flag, trying to cover his tracks so you can't check up on him. I would say it is time to be very blunt with him. He needs to make a decision her or you, but you also need to preepare yourself for either outcome. Also he needs to be fully transparent about the relationship with this other woman. I would make his agreement to go to MC a requirement as well. TOJAZ
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Thanks for your response. You know I have tried so many things. I am a very straight forward and blunt person, but he just tries to blow me off and he'll walk out of the door. I have asked him to go to counseling, but now I will demand it of him. I never liked the thought of giving someone an ultimatum but I know I have to. This has been going on so long and has tried to consume me. I try to stay focused on the kids, my job, and my school work. I hope MCounseling will fix this and quick, because I'm falling out of love with him! I'll keep you posted, thanks again. Very appreciative!
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 OH yeah he is 24 and she is 33
singledad2 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 You don't deserve this kind of dis-respect. You deserve to be in a loving relationship. Your kids needs a better example. Stick to your guns. Get him straightened out or gone. You need to be happy to take care of your kids properly. They deserve to see a man respect his wife else they will not grow up with that value. Learn from this though. You are being tested so that you can grow from this experience. There is a plan for you so seek it.
singledad2 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Oh yeah. Most important thing: Focus on the kids and what is best for them. Priorities: #1) The man upstairs #2) Your kids, #3) Yourself Obviously if his priorities were in order, you would not be where you are today. He is putting himself in front of you and the kids, and apparently before his covenant made with God. You do your part to keep the pecking order right on your side, and you will do the right things. Sorry you have to go through this. I wish it upon nobody. In fact I have made it a point to talk to all of the couples I know to not let things get to this point. Get help, get it before its too late. Most couples get in to counseling when its too late....
xpaperxcutx Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I wouldn't give him another chance even if he comes begging on his hands and knees. You're being taken advantage of. The least you can do is kick him out of the house and change the locks. You've been pretty lenient in my opinion, by allowing him to get away with things even after filing for divorce.
PWSX3 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I was your husband, always looking out for me & it wasn't until my former W & I separated that I finally woke up & started to do something about it. We can't make someone change, but we can have certain goals, plans in our lives that if the other person doesn't want to agree with or follow then it was "there" choice not to be with us. We did get back together for a while, but then she left again & she finally filed for divorce, but it has changed my life & I'm doing things now to make "me" better & that's all a person can do. It is very hard, I do believe in keeping a marriage together but it does take two people & it takes 100% from both spouses & he is not doing his part.
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Thank you so much. You know I feel the same way! I am in the church, far from perfect but striving everyday, and the covenant that we made to God means so much to me, but it obviously doesn't to him. I mean it is one thing to let man down, but to let God down is a totally different thing for me. I just can't do it! I believe that so strongly, that I have to learn from this and it's in God's plan. Whether we are to stay together or not, I will have a testimony out of this to encourage or strengthen the next person. I love this: LIVE, LAUGH AND LOVE! So your avatar caught my attention right away. By the way, as I read your reply I felt you speaking to me with your heart( i believe u can understand what i mean) And I really appreciate you for that! Keep replying if you can. Thanks again!
Author IJustWannaBeHappy7 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Thanks for your reply. I am afraid that it will come to that, and I want us to work out because I feel like I am the best person for him. In a way, I feel like I am trying to save him. I know I cant change him, I've asked him to work on himself and I will work on me and I figure we will meet somewhere in the middle. Its really confusing, because when we are getting along we are good, but when he runs off and starts acting strange, its all downhill. This is a true rollercoaster! I see why I never get on at the amusement parks, because this one still has my head spinning! I know I have to figure out what's best for me! Hurt and pain is not it, you know sometimes he is so mean, if he saw me crying (which I try not to do in front of him) he would scream at me "dont start that crying, that mess dont move me". I dont understand how he could treat me like this. I used to think that maybe if he talked to someone who has done the things he has and lost his family, that he would change, but he refuses counseling and insists that noting is wrong with him. But now, I'm getting stronger I know it! and I feel like I'm losing the love I had for him. Thanks again for your reply. Much appreciated!
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