photolady03 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Ok before anyone gets to saying I am to young to be having this problem I don't think so I am really in need for some advice and can't turn to any of my friends for it. I am 24 years old and have been married to my husband for 2 years we have been together for 6 years and live together for all of them. Well i just don't know if I love him like I thought I did when I married him. When I think about it i feel like I married him because that is what I was supposed to do. Everyone else was getting married in my group of friends so I thought that it was time for us to as well. He loves me I know he does there is no question there at all. I love him but in more of a friend way then a married woman. To get to the root of the problem is that I have my best friend who I have been friends with sense the beginning of High School it is a guy. I have known him longer than my husband and I have more of a past with him. We dated a little before I married my husband. We both still sit back and wonder why we broke it off so anyway I still have feelings for him. The reason why we never got back together is because we both were in a serious relationship then I took mine to the next level (marriage) and we still remained best friends. Now he has broken up with this girl and he is single now and we have been catching back up and hanging out a lot more. When ever I am with him I feel more free then I do with my husband. We have more in common than my husband and I do. I can talk to him easier and we just click a lot better. I have no kids with my husband but he is really good friends with my best friend. So if I say something it will really mess things up. Should I say something and hope for the best or should I try and rekindle something with my husband?? Please help
Vlad Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 oh boy!! just get a divorce now that there is no kids in the picture and go with the guy you enjoy being with.
norajane Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Say something to whom? You're well on your way to starting an affair. You need to decide what is more important - trying to revive your passion for your husband and making your marriage work, or chasing after this other guy. Until you decide that, do not spend time alone with your friend. And certainly do not tell your friend that you wish you were with him! That's just going to nudge you closer to having a drunken kiss one night, and that will just mess everything up with both of them.
mark982 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 i think you already know the answer, you're young,no kids,no ties(well alittle) before you do end up cheating,just leave.
mem11363 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 If you stay married to someone you really don't love you will make BOTH of you miserable. If you end it now, he will find someone else and - well you seem to have already done that. DON'T have children with someone you don't love. Ok before anyone gets to saying I am to young to be having this problem I don't think so I am really in need for some advice and can't turn to any of my friends for it. I am 24 years old and have been married to my husband for 2 years we have been together for 6 years and live together for all of them. Well i just don't know if I love him like I thought I did when I married him. When I think about it i feel like I married him because that is what I was supposed to do. Everyone else was getting married in my group of friends so I thought that it was time for us to as well. He loves me I know he does there is no question there at all. I love him but in more of a friend way then a married woman. To get to the root of the problem is that I have my best friend who I have been friends with sense the beginning of High School it is a guy. I have known him longer than my husband and I have more of a past with him. We dated a little before I married my husband. We both still sit back and wonder why we broke it off so anyway I still have feelings for him. The reason why we never got back together is because we both were in a serious relationship then I took mine to the next level (marriage) and we still remained best friends. Now he has broken up with this girl and he is single now and we have been catching back up and hanging out a lot more. When ever I am with him I feel more free then I do with my husband. We have more in common than my husband and I do. I can talk to him easier and we just click a lot better. I have no kids with my husband but he is really good friends with my best friend. So if I say something it will really mess things up. Should I say something and hope for the best or should I try and rekindle something with my husband?? Please help
seoa Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 we have been catching back up and hanging out a lot more. When ever I am with him I feel more free then I do with my husband. We have more in common than my husband and I do. I can talk to him easier and we just click a lot better. You're not too young to be having this problem - have you never heard of the "seven-year itch" - many relationships hit this kind of snag around 7 years in... As others have said, you need to think about what you want in the big picture (not the short-term, "who am I more attracted to in this moment"). It might help to pick up some kind of relationship book - possibly something about dating...! The reason I say this, is that it sounds like you are concerned that you committed to your husband before you had fully processed what you wanted from a relationship (because of your age). Maybe working through a dating-type book would help you to sort out what is important to you in a marriage... A basic exercise is to write out the criteria that you want in a husband, and then group them into "essential", "important" and "optional"... Come back to this after a few days to revise, then again a few days later... Just bear in mind that staying in a marriage does involve hard-work at times, and a willingness to honour your commitment when tempted by a short-term attraction... It is *normal* to be wondering... What is important is not the question that you are asking, but the answer that you give... Don't be in a rush to find that answer... We cannot tell you which option will give you the better future, so take your time, and make your choice a good one! Maybe a good place to start is a marriage-refresher course, see what can be salvaged from your marriage - I know there are free ones offered by local churches in the UK (they don't "sell" God, although he is mentioned in one session I think) - not sure where you're based, but you might be able to find something similar... Edit: a quote I liked, when watching "Keeping the Faith" (great film!) the other week: The truth is that you can never tell yourself that there is only one thing that you could be, if you are a priest, or if you marry a woman - it's the same challenge. You cannot make a real commitment, unless you accept that it's a choice that you keep making again and again and again. Also, I think in the western world we have a misunderstanding of what "love" is - it's not (always) the hyped-up feeling that films show - that's the bit you get at the start, it settles down into something more long-term but equally good (although different)... Of course it will feel more immediate & exciting with someone new - but it will wear off with that new person too... Do you want a life where you find a new guy every couple of years because you're addicted to that false "in love" feeling...? Think about what "love" really is... how do people behave when they love each other (not when they're "in love") - parent/child, sister/brother, friend/friend, husband/wife - how should people treat you when they love you, what things should they NOT do... etc
confusedinkansas Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I know you don't want to hear "You're too young"....But the reality of it is .. YOU ARE. I have a daughter your age & a son 2 years older. While they are fantastic & amazing "kids" as I'm sure you are as well - this generation wants instant gratification & for the most part feel "entitled". You really do need to take the advice of others here & either get out of the marriage now - or start looking towards the future with your husband. Marriage is a marathon....Not a sprint! It's a long term commitment. While a lot of us here in LS have made mistakes in our own marriages - You have an opportunity to learn from that. As for the 7-Year itch......it is VERY VERY real! Don't fool yourself into thinking it's a myth. Your husband may very well be having the same feelings right now that you are. Either have a chat with him about how you feel - or time to move on before something really drastic happens with this "Friend" of yours. :)GOOD LUCK!
JumpinJimmy Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 A key thing here is you have two separate issues. 1. Your not sure if marrying your husband was the right thing for you to do. 2. You have an old boyfriend that you're interested in. So you do not betray your current husband, and sow the seeds of doubt in any type of new relationship with the old boyfriend, make sure you resolve your marriage/divorce issue before you pursue the new relationship. Trust me, your ex,your ex's family, your friends, your family, and most importantly yourself will have a lot more respect for you,than if you mingle the process together.
Author photolady03 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 I am soooo glad I posted this on here all of you have given me some advice on the situation. I have spoken with my spiritual adviser and he has said the almost same thing in a little different way. Thanks for all of your time on this issue.
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