lost09 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 i'm really in need of some advice, i can't seem to be able to talk to anybody about this so I'll try this form. We're both 25, in a 5 year live-in relationship (lived together for 2 yrs). She wants to get married an possibly have kids. I honestly have no interest in marriage at this point in my life (not sure if i ever will..). I'd rate the relationship as good, not excellent, and not awful. So what to do?? I'm torn because she's very trustworthy, and she's my best friend - i don't necessarily want to lose her. But I don't think I can continue on in this relationship. If I had a choice I'd just want to be friends with her, i've kind of lost interest in being in a relationship right now - i just want a little freedom back while i'm still young (this relationship can be stressful and time consuming). But at the same time it's comfortable and easy to just stay in. ALSO - I also feel like ive changed a lot in the last 5 years, and we don't have a ton in common anymore, yet it's just very easy to stay in the same routine. I feel like i need a reason to end the relationship, but i don't really have one. if it end, i'll also feel like i've just waisted 5 year of both our lives... and I know I'll be torn up over it for a while, but at the same time - i just cant imagine myself being happy getting married at this point. Another fear is possibly not ever finding anyone who has loved me as much she does (i'll admit though she's more into the relationship than I am). any advice or input from anyone who's been in this situation?
phineas Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I think 25 is too young. Perhaps you are feeling the pressure of marriage & kids & this is wanting you to exit? Tell her you want to wait until you are at least 30 before you think about that. what's her rush? Weddings are expensive. Children are expensive. Make sure you both have as much job security as you can before you make these decisions.
quankanne Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 be honest with her. Tell her that you care deeply for her, but you are not interested in marriage. while it sounds cruel, this is something you can't sugar coat, she's much better off ending it (if that's her choice) right away so that she can meet the person she *will* marry. Otherwise, you're forcing her to waste precious time by insisting on staying together because she's "comfortable." No woman wants to be that to the guy she cares about!
Thaddeus Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 It's astoundingly common for women to live under the delusion that somehow marriage will make things better, or that it's an extra step in commitment. If you've lived together for two years, you probably already are married in the legal sense (though that might depend on your jurisdiction). Better be straight with her. But be prepared for the worst: If you aren't interested in marriage, plenty of women will assume that you don't love them. It's nonsense, of course, but that's the assumption that many will immediately make. If the worst does happen - that is, if she's more enamoured with the idea of marriage than she is in love with you as a man - and she bails, yes you'll be torn apart for a while. But you'll undoubtedly find someone new in good time. The world is awash in available, attractive and intelligent women. Sure, your current gf is special to you, but in the larger scheme of things there are plenty more.
norajane Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Well, it sound like your problem is not that you aren't interested in marriage, it's that you aren't interested in HER anymore. Your relationship has run its course. Time to break up and move out.
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