sweetjasmine Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 ... or because that's the only way you've found, so far, to get someone in bed or keep a relationship going. I don't understand how that could ever work. If I'm mad at him, I don't want to even be touched. Sex is out of the question.
Island Girl Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 ^^You just described yourself--not all women are like that. First bold statement: that behavior comes from insecurity. Second bold statement--this is not true by any stretch of the imagination. It's only true of women with negative personalities. I agree with you Paragon. Focusing on the negative things is not something all women do. There is a percentage that do focus on the negative only - and there is the percentage that focus only on the positives and discount any negatives (they prime themselves for an abusive relationship by doing just this). I had an experience very much like Island Girl, where my ex would get in a discussion with me and then do everything in his power to belittle me. He reduced me to tears many times. I seriously did not love that. So glad that relationship is over. Wow. The guy I speak of only polarized himself in discussions without giving reason for his steadfast position. He'd play on my frustration which in turn would make me very angry but he never belittled me in any way - he'd have been an ex MUCH faster. That is horrible! I don't understand how that could ever work. If I'm mad at him, I don't want to even be touched. Sex is out of the question. I think possibly what is being referred to as make up sex. In that case, then you would no longer be mad because the guy who made you angry would then placate you so your anger would be gone by that point. A friend of mine married a guy just like this. He pushes her buttons and she gets angry and then he placates her. And she has acknowledged there have been make up sex sessions that are off the charts. Well, THAT is a dangerous game to get hooked on. Over the years getting her anger to subside has become more and more costly in effort and imagination.
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 :lmao: Seriously, you guys need to start citing real research instead of PUA websites before you tell me I love feeling negative emotions. Hmmm. No, no I don't love feeling negative emotions. And no, when my ex pushed my buttons, we didn't have sex. I would go home to calm down because, oh wait, I don't love feeling upset. It doesn't turn me on. Not speaking for all women, just this one. And I tend to be a very drama-free, fun-loving partner. In the case of my ex, he's the one who thrived on drama and therefore felt the need to provoke emotions. That way he could feel oh-so-masculine because he was oh-so-in-control, even as he was the one who was doing everything in his power to make me lose control. I would assume you wouldn't want people to back up EVERY post with educational degrees and research documentation? You can choose to accept it or not, facts or facts, hard and plain. I don't just espouse information like this without having hard evidence to fall back on... And I never said you LOVE feeling negative emotions--you simply RESPOND to them. No one wants to ADMIT they respond in a sexual way to negative things because then it makes THEM "perverse." But in the end, it doesn't make any sense to talk about what you THINK you respond to in regards to this because it's mostly unconscious anyways Not to mention most guys don't know HOW to do step 2 after they "push buttons." That's why it doesn't lead to sex, especially when the couple is too myopic to look past the surface content of what's really going on--they can't see the subtext. We're stuck in our heads too much.
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 This is pretty ridiculous. Normal people don't love feeling negative emotions. Normal people don't love it when their SO deliberately makes them feel negative emotions. It's not a conscious thing. Argue all you want but it's backed up in enough scientific literature to make your head spin There's nothing "mature" about deliberately making someone angry because you think it's funny. Your right, there's nothing mature about THAT. You left out the other half of the quote which gives it it's meaning. You can't just quote half of a sentence and then respond to it "Pushing buttons is a way to get women to experience emotion, and usually if the two are mature enough to look past the surface content, it's simply a way to spike the sexual tension so you can have sex :)" ^^That's the whole quote. And note, pushing buttons does NOT include BELITTLING someone or putting them down with NEGATIVE intent. That's a 'whole nother story!
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 This is pretty ridiculous. Normal people don't love feeling negative emotions. Normal people don't love it when their SO deliberately makes them feel negative emotions. There's nothing "mature" about deliberately making someone angry because you think it's funny.There's lighthearted teasing and sometimes a bit of button pushing, which can be amusing. And then there's a deliberate attempt at making the person feel negative, which is abusive behaviour. No one in their right mind is going to enjoy a relationship full of negativity unless they're a codependent personality type that enjoys abuse.
sweetjasmine Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I think possibly what is being referred to as make up sex. In that case, then you would no longer be mad because the guy who made you angry would then placate you so your anger would be gone by that point. I know. I'm just saying I personally don't understand it. Even after I've cooled off, I have no desire to have sex with someone I just argued with. It's not a conscious thing. Argue all you want but it's backed up in enough scientific literature to make your head spin Feel free to cite sources showing that women love to feel negative emotions, and then show me that they love it when their partners provoke those negative emotions on purpose. There's lighthearted teasing and sometimes a bit of button pushing, which can be amusing. And then there's a deliberate attempt at making the person feel negative, which is abusive behaviour. No one in their right mind is going to enjoy a relationship full of negativity unless they're a codependent personality type that enjoys abuse. Yup.
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Feel free to cite sources showing that women love to feel negative emotions, and then show me that they love it when their partners provoke those negative emotions on purpose. Originally Posted by Trialbyfire There's lighthearted teasing and sometimes a bit of button pushing, which can be amusing. And then there's a deliberate attempt at making the person feel negative, which is abusive behaviour. No one in their right mind is going to enjoy a relationship full of negativity unless they're a codependent personality type that enjoys abuse. Yup. That agreeing "yup" right there is the kind of negative emotions I am referring to that women like feeling, on an unconscious level.
sweetjasmine Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 That agreeing "yup" right there is the kind of negative emotions I am referring to that women like feeling, on an unconscious level. Teasing like that doesn't generally provoke negative emotions. When my SO pokes fun at me playfully or teases me, I laugh.
sally4sara Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I had a guy once tell me I was cute when I was mad, but that is because he was a condescending a$$hat and I had not reached "mad" yet. I think he thought he was being cute, but he probably re-thought that.
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Teasing like that doesn't generally provoke negative emotions. When my SO pokes fun at me playfully or teases me, I laugh. It CAN tho, and I am saying those times are included in the times when women still on some level enjoy experiencing them.That's it, and this is all. This statement is very to take and run with thinking it's truth will mean all kinds of other things, which i'm NOT saying. These times don't include when someone is trying to HURT their partner or just knock them down when they're angry. I think some people might have gotten ahead of my statement which is why they disagreed. We are indeed in accordance
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I had a guy once tell me I was cute when I was mad, but that is because he was a condescending a$$hat and I had not reached "mad" yet. I think he thought he was being cute, but he probably re-thought that.Did he rethink it "after" you got mad? I get jacked quite a bit on LS, usually by the same people, men who I wouldn't touch if they were the last men on Earth or women who I'd rather slit my wrists, rather than befriend. So, in essence, the perverse belong together.
sally4sara Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Did he rethink it "after" you got mad? I get jacked quite a bit on LS, usually by the same people, men who I wouldn't touch if they were the last men on Earth or women who I'd rather slit my wrists, rather than befriend. So, in essence, the perverse belong together. It was probably somewhere between me getting mad and me physically removing him from my home. Ahhhh the dangers one runs into when they go into a home without being able to identify the host! All he had to do was put out his cigarette or even ask before lighting it.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Good natured teasing is fun and fine. Sometimes, I can take the more purposely hot-button pushing. Sometimes, I get angry, can see what the guy is doing and decide to play so well into what he is asking for that by the time he is done, he wished he didn't start anything at all. Like I had one ex that would tease me because the porn thing really bothered me. So when he was purposely picking at my scab, I gave him twice of what he wanted. Left us both mad. Well too bad, he asked for it. basically? yes its funny when women get all pissed off, they get all irrational and funky its funny when female feathers get all ruffled Alphaguy...don't guys not like when women get irational and funky?? my estimate thru experience is that the female should be pissed of or in a bad mood roughly 10-15% of the time while in a relationship. otherwise they get bored and too comfortable and tend to stray or leave. this is just an estimate of course, for some women it may be just 5% of the time and for some 25% Maybe we should apply the same theory to sex. men should roughly not be getting sex 10-15% of the time...some less or more then others. Women love feeling emotion--negative or positive. You're the one labeling it PERVERSE. 1) No one loves negative emotions. 2) If you read what I qouted in the first post, you would have seen that the male poster GorillaTheater said "perverse pleasure".
deux ex machina Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I had a guy once tell me I was cute when I was mad, but that is because he was a condescending a$$hat and I had not reached "mad" yet. I think he thought he was being cute, but he probably re-thought that. He deserved it (whatever it was). There's a line between light teasing and clueless insensitivity. The guy who used the, "You're so cute when you're mad!" thing was doing it tongue-in-cheek, making fun of the whole 'cute-when-you're-mad' thing. He was a great guy - very authentic, respectful, fun. If I was really starting to get ticked, having someone use that line on me would be a very, very bad idea.
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Like I had one ex that would tease me because the porn thing really bothered me. So when he was purposely picking at my scab, I gave him twice of what he wanted. Left us both mad. Well too bad, he asked for it. That's not a very good outcome, unless you LIKE being mad? Don't worry, I am just being a wise guy with that comment--I couldn't resist. No hard feelings. All in all, that's still not a very good outcome! 1) No one loves negative emotions. I already addressed this. 2) If you read what I qouted in the first post, you would have seen that the male poster GorillaTheater said "perverse pleasure". Right, I understand that, you simply took his term and reiterated it and it took off from there. I was saying, you're labeling perverse, that's all.
deux ex machina Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 It was probably somewhere between me getting mad and me physically removing him from my home. Ahhhh the dangers one runs into when they go into a home without being able to identify the host! All he had to do was put out his cigarette or even ask before lighting it. Ah. Just read it. Yep. Clueless and insensitive. Yikes.
bayouboi Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Alphaguy...don't guys not like when women get irational and funky?? A theoretically impossible scenario imo.
sally4sara Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 He deserved it (whatever it was). There's a line between light teasing and clueless insensitivity. The guy who used the, "You're so cute when you're mad!" thing was doing it tongue-in-cheek, making fun of the whole 'cute-when-you're-mad' thing. He was a great guy - very authentic, respectful, fun. If I was really starting to get ticked, having someone use that line on me would be a very, very bad idea. It is also not wise to use it condescendingly AND try to tap the girl on her nose while taking a long slow drag on the cigarette she asked you to put out. All he did was give me something to grab and twist behind his back. The only funny part was the "OH NOOOOOO!" that came out of my SO when the guy did that.
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 It was probably somewhere between me getting mad and me physically removing him from my home. Ahhhh the dangers one runs into when they go into a home without being able to identify the host! All he had to do was put out his cigarette or even ask before lighting it. Sounds to me like this is all tied into the courtesy/respect and button pushing issues within this thread. People who jack with others to an unreasonable negative degree, all for personal amusement, lack courtesy and respect for others. So, it's probably best that abusive button pushers, button push each other, causing negative emotions within each other to enjoy on their own; and others, continue to enjoy life the way they do, ignoring abusive button pushers.
GorillaTheater Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Just to make sure we're all clear on this, I take particular perverse pleasure in pissing Jersey off.
Woggle Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 What kind of men actually enjoys a woman being angry at him? I swear I do not understand today's society. At times I have said things to piss off a misandrist that I just can't get along with but never would I try this with a woman I was trying to date. Where do you meet these men?+
Die Hard Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I like to irritate the women in my life as revenge for them saying things like "why must you watch football on Sunday?" Plus, women can be sooo touchy and melodramatic that it's nice to occasionally channel that into something positive.
deux ex machina Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 It is also not wise to use it condescendingly AND try to tap the girl on her nose while taking a long slow drag on the cigarette she asked you to put out. All he did was give me something to grab and twist behind his back. The only funny part was the "OH NOOOOOO!" that came out of my SO when the guy did that. I am giggling my so hard right now. :laugh: I keep picturing a super-slow-mo scene! Fellas, keep this scenario in mind - perverse pleasure can turn into pain if it crosses the line into douchebaggery. Lol
Author Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 That's not a very good outcome, unless you LIKE being mad? Don't worry, I am just being a wise guy with that comment--I couldn't resist. No hard feelings. All in all, that's still not a very good outcome! Of course you're being a wise-guy. You really should have left off the last sentence and I would have believed you. But because you just had to add it, it's clear what your real intent was. And you are right that it wasn't a good outcome. But wrong that it's because I like to be mad. He purposely picked on sore scabs. There is playful teasing and then there are things that go to far. And sometimes guys don't draw that line. So if they are purposely going to press your buttons, you might as well give them a show. They might regret it but they should have thought twice before they pushed the buttons in the first place. I already addressed this. Good for you. I stand by my previous statement. Right, I understand that, you simply took his term and reiterated it and it took off from there. I was saying, you're labeling perverse, that's all. It is perverse. There is perverse pleasure in purposely pressings someone's buttons. What part is hard for you to understand?
Author Jersey Shortie Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Just to make sure we're all clear on this, I take particular perverse pleasure in pissing Jersey off. That's because you totally dig/like me in some ironically preverse way Gorilla.
Recommended Posts