kidster Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 1st off, I know its long, I'm sorry. But thank you for your time if you do read through the whole thing. The last few days have driven me over the edge and back again. I feel like I want to die, like all this heartache is slowly killing me from the inside. I'm hurting like crazy but there's no cut or physical damage. Please, tell me what you guys think and what is your input on this whole situation of mine, I would greatly appreciate it. Any advice or opinion would be appreciated... even just a comfort post would be appreciated. I've been in a relationship with "Jane" since December 2003. We met in high school and well, we just hit things off. We connected like we were meant for each other. Everything was going good. Life was fun. Yeah, we fought every now and then, but never about anything too serious or crazy enough to break up over. Fast forward to January 2005, Jane had to leave the country, more specifically, she wanted to go back to her country for college, because for her it would be more cheap. I did my best to not let her go, I told her to move in with me, to stay, that I'll go with her, pretty much everything there was to it. She left regardless. I made her promise me that she'll always write letters or call, that way she'll keep in touch and wont forget about me. Three long months past, I never heard from her. I'm the loyal romance type so I'll waited for her patiently while living my life out. A few days before the 4th month, she calls. I get her number, her aunt's number and her address. We talk for awhile and she breaks the news to me, she was pregnant with my child. The whole reason she left me in the beginning was to run away from her mom, who would have killed her if she found out that she was pregnant. Not for school or any other bull****. By that time, I was already working a minimum wage job, so I decided to send her money every check. And I continued to do that, every two weeks, after I deposited my check, I would send almost half to Jane. She would disappear once again for a few more months and then call me out of the blue on June 11th saying my daughter is born. I got to name my daughter. Let's call her Jr for now. The next few months we would keep in contact regularly, talking once or twice a week, a letter every now and then with pictures. I would always send money, I would never fall short of that. Every now and then I would tease her, saying that she's only using me for money. Or I would ask her if she's cheating on me. She always promise me that she's being completely loyal, not looking or talking to any other guy. I was always loyal, never thought of anyone other than her. Then, I lose my job. Everything started to get rough again, money was tight and Bush wasn't helping. Jane would call asking for money to buy Jr's milk and diapers. While I was struggling, Jane sold her cellphone for money for Jr's milk and diapers. We didn't talk for awhile. I finally get another decent job and sent my entire check to her that on payday. I love Jane and Jr more than anything, money isn't an object to stop my love and support. A few days past and we're talking again, she bought a cellphone. Life is like this for awhile, I work, Jane's at school and Jr's with Jane's aunt. Eventually Jane's mom goes there to visit and Jane disappears again. Just for two months. Once her mom came back to my country. Then Jane explained that her mom doesn't like me, nothing new since I'm not the same race or religion as her. We're both Asian, but from different parts. she's Catholic and I'm Christian, life goes on. Parents never like the boyfriends anyway. Regardless, Jane's mom is back here and Jane is still going to school and we're talking again. Every now and then I would start begging her to come back, Jr's life would be way better in USA than where she is now. School can be affordable, I can help her. She would always refuse. Saying that she has to do this for her parents, that she wants to make them proud. Every now and then I still tease her about using me for money only or that she's cheating on me, which always end up in her telling me that she's been 100% loyal to me. Fast forward to April 2009. From out of no where I lose my job. Life is getting really hectic and I can't find a job anywhere, Jane doesn't stop asking for money and I cant do anything. I move back in with my parents because I cant even afford my own rent. June 11, 2009 approaches, I'm still jobless and broke. Jr's 4th birthday is coming up, I need to do something fast. Once again, Jane sells her cellphone around May 27, 2009. That was the last time I talked to her. I wrote letters, 27 to be exact. Not a single response. I thought she had died or something had happen to Jr. I called her aunt, only to have her tell me Jane is in school and Jr is fine. Her aunt doesn't really understand English and would answer me in broken English. She was also at work, like all the time, so she wouldn't have time to talk to me and explain anything. Just that Jane and Jr is fine. This is where I start to feel like my heart is being stabbed repeatedly by a knife. September 14, 2009. She emails me telling me that I can no longer contact her because she sold her phone. There's pictures attached to the email, of my daughter and of Jane. I feel so relived, everything is fine again. Boy was I wrong. The more I reread the email, the more I realize that Jane sounds a little cold here. Not once does she say that she loves me. Not once does she say that she misses me or needs me. So I email her back telling her I love her and that I always will. I ask her if there's someone else in her life, I ask about my daughter, about everything. She responds with this, a direct quote from my email: "i gave up...just be strong and move on. because i dont think we will become a family someday. our hopes and future planz are gone..blame it on me if you want.. i dont care anymore.. but ill try and keep trying to get your daugther there in the states.. dont worry about me anymore..ill just find a way to support your daugther...im tired of asking u for money because all i get is you telling me that i only contact you when i need money...or im with you just cause of your money... u dont know how much that hurts everytime u tell me that..i get mad at ur daugther all the time because shes the main reason why i have to ask you for money.. there are times i hate looking at her...but i am blessed to have her. im doing as much as i can to support her without asking you for money. even if it means of losing communication with you. and if it means of losing you. anywayz, like i said, dont worry about u and i anymore. im sure you'll find the right girl out there. and move on with your life. you deserve someone way better. who dont pressure you and gives you any problems." I go crazy, what does she mean just give up and move on? I love her more than anything and I will gladly give up my life just to make sure that she's safe or happy, but for me to move on? It drives me crazy. I tell her that it is impossible for me up give up on us, that I will always love her no matter what. I told her to go buy a cellphone or borrow someone's, I need to hear her voice. I need her in my life. She just.. disappear. I don't hear from here again until the 15th, she calls me. I ask her what's wrong. Why would you do this to me, why would you want to end things with me? She says that it's because there's no more love between us. That she's moved on. That there's someone else. Because since we stopped talking, she started to have feelings for her teacher. And that just the final nail in my coffin. I started to freak out, I started to shake, I was hurting like I never felt before. After telling her that she can fix this, just leave him and I'll love her like no other. That her teacher can't possibly love her any close to as to how much I love her. She says that she doesn't want to fix things. After a few more minutes of crying and sobbing while telling her I love her, she says it back to me. She says that she loves me too. Jane then goes on and tells me, she really wants to be with me, that she still loves me. She's only with her teacher because he's helping her get her VISA to come back to the states, that he's going to pay $1500 plus more for Jr so that she can come back. She tells me that before this guy, she's been 100% loyal to me and that she's only using him for money and nothing more. I ask her if there's feelings, she says that there is some feelings, but not love. She says that she's going to be back next year, that she's going to bring my daughter back to me. I tell her to just leave him, there's other ways to do this, she refuses to listen to me about anything, this is her way of doing things. She tells me that she loves me and that she doesn't want to be labeled as a cheater so that was why she wanted to end things, but when she realize how much I love her she couldn't do it. She had to hang up, her cousin was leaving on a business trip for two weeks, the only person with a cellphone. At first I didn't care about anything, my baby said that she still loves me. Then when I start to think about it, there's a lot of loops in her story. Her mom said that she would pay for her trip back. Why didn't she contact me earlier? I started being nosy and searched her email on social networks, it rang back on friendster. Apparently she's married. The other guy looks way older. And its "tru luv." While going through the comments, I read something interesting. She replied to one of her friends, and this is a direct quote once again: "dont have any set plans of when ill be hidding back in california and im not too excited about it any sooner. go with the flow langz meh." So does that mean that she's not interested in coming back? And then I start to think about how she's manipulating the guy, she could easily be manipulating me, telling me that she loves me only so I would quiet down and calm down. She says that she never had sex with the guy, but she's been with him for 4 months already? She was with me for only three months before we got sexually active. What about Jr? I cant imagine her calling some other guy daddy. I'm jobless... I'm hurting... I'm alone. Please, what do you guys think I should do? Should I just go along with her charade? I've already confronted her but she never emailed me back. Should I just reconsider my life and end things? What can I do? I feel like I've given up the most important part of my life for her. I feel like... like without her there is no point in living. I want to believe her, I seriously want to. But her lack of communication and the pictures of her with another guy seriously turns my gut inside out. I haven't slept well since this whole thing started. I don't know what to do, I barely have an appetite. Please... any advice or opinions would be deeply appreciated. Please, I'm begging you, any advice would be appreciated.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Dude you need help in more ways than one. THE first F-ing thing to do is get a JOB!!! working will help your self esteem. I skimmed your post. now do you have a kid with her, because if you dont I think you should reconsider moving on with your life on your own terms! why are you waiting for a cowardly woman, she married this man for her green card, that's very deceptive especially if he doesnt know about it. Or she married this man because she's been living a double life and your just finding out. I'd tell her husband about the whole situation between you and her and let him decide what kind of woman did he marry. that's his choice. but she's like what an ocean away!!! dude you can do so much better!
Author kidster Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Yea, we do have a kid together. But I doubt that she even knows who I am, other than talking to her when she was a baby. Supposedly, she was already a citizen. But there was some immigration penalties because she stayed in her country for over 4 years she cant come back without paying those penalties. I shouldn't be mad at her current boyfriend, but just thinking about him is enough to make me feel like sh*t. The job thing is a working progress, I've been hunting jobs for awhile and TSA is going to interview me next Wednesday, hopefully.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Yea, we do have a kid together. But I doubt that she even knows who I am, other than talking to her when she was a baby. Supposedly, she was already a citizen. But there was some immigration penalties because she stayed in her country for over 4 years she cant come back without paying those penalties. I shouldn't be mad at her current boyfriend, but just thinking about him is enough to make me feel like sh*t. The job thing is a working progress, I've been hunting jobs for awhile and TSA is going to interview me next Wednesday, hopefully. So you have a kid together and she doesnt even know you exist??? unbelievable! Are you gonna get blasted for child support??? is your name on the borth certificiate? are you not gonna be in the baby's life??? And that's her husband, not boyfriend right, didnt she get married to ol boy??? so let's get it correct there's no reason for denial on your part! TSA... PAYS... REALLY... WELL... Take my word for it. you wont go wrong if you get the job. but I get that kid in my possession and get a dna test. it could come back to get you, down the line if this woman wants child support. This situation is ridiculous. my advice also is to see her in person and her husband too, explain that that's your daughter and you have rights. And you want paternity and visitation established. You should not have let her take the kid overseas, she couldnt be trusted.
Author kidster Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 I don't really know what's going on with my daughter, if she knows me or not. I mean, I talked to her before, when she was younger. I haven't talked to her since May 27, 2009, so for a 4 year old it means she just forgot me. I barely have enough to help with rent. Trust me, my 1st instinct was to go there and handle things, then I realize that I have to renew my passport, buy a plane ticket to go across the world and worry about where I'm going to stay once I get there. Not to mention finding her. I don't know if it's her husband or not. Her friendster page says married. That's all I know. I seriously wish that they didn't marry though... just wishful thinking on my part I guess... I still love her... In my eyes, she was never the type to try and hustle me. Not once did she demand I send her money, I only did so to show her I love her and our child. I know that the child support thing would never happen. If it did, she would lose, giving birth in a 3rd world country plus I still have all the recipes from sending her money, over five thousand dollars. I have a friend working in TSA, he's the one who introduced me to it. Already passed the color exam and the metal detector exam, just waiting on the actual interview.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I don't really know what's going on with my daughter, if she knows me or not. I mean, I talked to her before, when she was younger. I haven't talked to her since May 27, 2009, so for a 4 year old it means she just forgot me. I barely have enough to help with rent. Trust me, my 1st instinct was to go there and handle things, then I realize that I have to renew my passport, buy a plane ticket to go across the world and worry about where I'm going to stay once I get there. Not to mention finding her. I don't know if it's her husband or not. Her friendster page says married. That's all I know. I seriously wish that they didn't marry though... just wishful thinking on my part I guess... I still love her... In my eyes, she was never the type to try and hustle me. Not once did she demand I send her money, I only did so to show her I love her and our child. I know that the child support thing would never happen. If it did, she would lose, giving birth in a 3rd world country plus I still have all the recipes from sending her money, over five thousand dollars. I have a friend working in TSA, he's the one who introduced me to it. Already passed the color exam and the metal detector exam, just waiting on the actual interview. Well first thing is first you get your money right... Get your passport redone just in case. And second you can do a backgorund check on this man over the internet if they are married they should have it on records somewhere. It is there if you know how to look. Also this woman isnt deserving of your love. She took your supposed daughter, then left the country and got married to another man!!! WTF is there to love??? Man you need to snap outta it. I think you need answers you need to contact her, this kid thing wont go away and if you dont resolve it now it may bite you in the azz later on down the line. And trust if her new husband doesnt know who she is, then what? she's gonna have to get support somehow. I question is the kid even yours??? I mean why would she take the child halfway around the worl and then get married to someone else and keep you away from your child sounds to me like she doesnt even realize what kind of damage she's doing. Some females do some crazy things. I dont like it when men walk away from their children but in this case how can you ever really know if it's your kid or even know that this kid wont show up on your doorstep years down the line screaming in your face saying you abandoned her. It wont be nice. You need to start a line of communication with the mother and find out about this child. If it's your child then why havent you seen the child??? Why are you deprived of you child you created??? Stop loving this woman, mayn get your balls and dignity correct.
Author kidster Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 And second you can do a backgorund check on this man over the internet if they are married they should have it on records somewhere. It is there if you know how to look. I'm not sure I know how to look then. I've been googling and looking around but have yet to turn up a way to find out how to know if she's married. She's from the Philippines if you can help me. And as for contacting her, well, that's another problem I seem to have now. I haven't got in touch with her since the last time we talked, which would be Wednesday night. All my emails and phone calls just go unanswered. The more I think about it the more it seems that I should just try to forget her, but at this point moving on doesn't seem like it's possible for me, I'm hurting so much just thinking about her.
hopesndreams Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Without a DNA test there is no proof the child is even yours. There are many sickos out there who deliberately hurt others for their own monetary gain. You have suffered long enough. Let her go. If the child is yours she will be after child support. If the child is not yours, and she would know this, she wouldn't even bother contacting you because it looks as though she found herself a sugar daddy.
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