WSeeker Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 OK hi everybody i'm new to this forum and this is my first post here. English is not my mother tongue so forgive me if im writing something in the wrong way. I've been reading this forum for a couple of days and finally decided to write something about my feelings. Me and my gf broke up 1 and a half months ago. We were together almost 2 years. We broke up a week before our anniversary. I'm feeling really lost without her because she was my first serious relationship. By the way i'm 23 years old. We had quite a healthy relationship, no major fights and i was always there to help her and support her. She had many problems(outside our relationship) which she cried about(problems wit her job, parents, about her life). I was always there to talk to her and comfort her, sometimes those conversations would last for hours and then she would overcome that particular problem(i think). In the last few months she was ok and didnt mention anything about us being wrong. She even invited me to move with her this winter(now it's only a fantasy). We had our ups and down but overall i was trying very hard to help her with everything she had problems with. She has some friends which live in another city about 450 km from where we live, and once a year she goes there to spend some time with them. She ussualy stays only 2-3 days. But this year she returned very different and i could sense that. One day after she returned she came to my house and we were talking and smiling and later kissing. And then she just said it: I think i don't want to be with u anymore. I was stunned. Stared at her for like 5 seconds.....speechless. Anyway we talked for like 20 minutes and i was like: Why.....what did i do wrong. She made up some reasons but later i found out what was really happening. Next day i asked her: Plz tell me did u meet someone else there. She said she didn't. She was lying. Two weeks later she went back to that city and started a relationship with him. After that she called me to go out with her(like she was needing my permission to be with him). When i first found out she was with him i was very hurt. I felt like some animal shot in the wild and left there to bleed to death. So i went out with her(like a date) and went to the movies and watched that new movie with Brad Pit: Inglourious Bastards. I was cool and friendly all the time and didnt mention anything about my feelings towards that what she did to me. But at some point i felt like a wanted to strangle her. So the evening went great and she even commented about what great time she had with me that night. I decided not to call her anymore at least for some time until i get my head straight. So it's like what she went to long distant rebound relationship but still thinking of me went with me out on a date and she is contacting me through facebook; posting on my wall and such things........i don't know what to make of it anymore. So she is seeing this guy only 2 times a month and has planed an entire winter with him. She is nice with me cause i never mentioned her anything about my feelings after that day we broke up and was very nice to her every time i spoke to her. I must say i'm feeling like a piece of trash she trew out of the house.
DustySaltus Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 So she is seeing this guy only 2 times a month and has planed an entire winter with him. She is nice with me cause i never mentioned her anything about my feelings after that day we broke up and was very nice to her every time i spoke to her. I must say i'm feeling like a piece of trash she trew out of the house. She wants to be friends and keep you on the backburner just in case the winter does not go as planned. The longer you talk to her, the longer it will take for you to heal. You need to not have any contact with her (read Caliguy's NC guide). Why should you have to settle for being second best? You are a young guy and this is another notch on your belt in the world of relationships. I'm sorry you had to go through this but the best thing for now is NOT to be in contact with her. Good luck.
adamt Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 cut all contact and look to move on. LDR are hard work there is a good chance it will not last but you cant wait around for that to happen. Think about how you are going to keep yourself busy and move on. Don't let her use you as back up if the LDR does not work out
Author WSeeker Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 I want to add something. She was always telling me how i was something special, and that she will remain with me to the rest of her life and was constantly asking me: You're not gonna leave me, are you. I was of course replying that i wont leave her or anything like that and in the end she was the one who left me. It all ads to the hurt.
carhill Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 OK, here's a graphic (true story)....I was out in the shop early this morning introducing my new cat to the RV and kinda tidying it up. In the lav, I open a cupboard and here staring at me is a box of tampons. I looked in the mirror and looked at the box and went 'that's what I've been for the last ten years (my M); a tampon'. Stbx is gone, but the tampons remain. I left them. Couldn't deal with that yet. The cat likes the RV. Road cat
DustySaltus Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I want to add something. She was always telling me how i was something special, and that she will remain with me to the rest of her life and was constantly asking me: You're not gonna leave me, are you. I was of course replying that i wont leave her or anything like that and in the end she was the one who left me. It all ads to the hurt. The same thing happened to me when I was engaged and then she kicked me out and tried to get me fired from my job. She would constantly ask me about leaving her and how I was the love of her life. But not everyone has the same outlook on how love really works. She doens't have any idea what she wants right now. I would try to move forward as hard as it sounds.
Author WSeeker Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 She wants to be friends and keep you on the backburner just in case the winter does not go as planned. The longer you talk to her, the longer it will take for you to heal. You need to not have any contact with her (read Caliguy's NC guide). Why should you have to settle for being second best? You are a young guy and this is another notch on your belt in the world of relationships. I'm sorry you had to go through this but the best thing for now is NOT to be in contact with her. Good luck. So what, if for some reason, this new relationship doesn't work i can expect a call from her?
DustySaltus Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 So what, if for some reason, this new relationship doesn't work i can expect a call from her? It shouldn't matter, you should move on. If you take that call you are just setting yourself up again. She needs that emotional attachment to someone and you are her back up plan right now. The best thing to do is to distance yourself from her. She will try and come back to you from time to time for an ego boost FOR HER not because she neccesarily wants to be with you. I know it sucks, but you need to stay strong and leave her alone for a while. If she really wants to be with you down the line, she will try very, very hard. And you know what, you may not even want her back by then. Right now it's about getting yourself healthy.
Author WSeeker Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 If she really wants to be with you down the line, she will try very, very hard. And you know what, you may not even want her back by then. Right now it's about getting yourself healthy. Yea, who knows what am i gonna think months from now.
Maxwell Sage Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Man... I went through something VERY similar within the last couple of months... My ex and I were together for two and a half years until she moved away because things were too stressful. She went on two vacations to see me and said she still had feelings for me each time... then two weeks after she returned home, she told me that she wanted a new boyfriend who was a kinky nerd. It broke my heart in half. This was my only serious relationship and she pretty much took my virginity. But since she was my best friend and the only person I felt comfortable venting to, I kept talking with her, hoping in the back of my mind that things would work out. About a little over a month and a half down the line she admits she's HAD a new boyfriend with whom she shares a one of a kind bond with for over a month... I almost died... Now I'm here trying to cope through relating to people. I can tell you that the last thing you need is to continue talking to her in hopes that things will work out for you guys. All this did for me was make the pain way more real when my worst fears were forced upon me. A new chapter in your life has begun... Accept it and try as hard as you can to be optimistic.
Author WSeeker Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Man... I went through something VERY similar within the last couple of months... My ex and I were together for two and a half years until she moved away because things were too stressful. She went on two vacations to see me and said she still had feelings for me each time... then two weeks after she returned home, she told me that she wanted a new boyfriend who was a kinky nerd. It broke my heart in half. This was my only serious relationship and she pretty much took my virginity. But since she was my best friend and the only person I felt comfortable venting to, I kept talking with her, hoping in the back of my mind that things would work out. About a little over a month and a half down the line she admits she's HAD a new boyfriend with whom she shares a one of a kind bond with for over a month... I almost died... Now I'm here trying to cope through relating to people. I can tell you that the last thing you need is to continue talking to her in hopes that things will work out for you guys. All this did for me was make the pain way more real when my worst fears were forced upon me. A new chapter in your life has begun... Accept it and try as hard as you can to be optimistic. Well i all ready dealt with the thought that she has a new boyfriend so i doubt that i will have to go through it again. I was devastated the first 2 weeks of the break up and then i found out she has a new boyfriend. I will explain myself. She lied to me in the beginning telling me that she didnt broke up with me for someone else. So i blindly trusted her. And then i found out.....and i found out through facebook. So it was a betrayal at its finest. But i understand now. She lied to me because she didnt want to lose me in case her new relationship dont work. So she is not the same person anymore. But i think she made a big mistake. I was very kind to her and deeply respected her. Above else she is gonna miss that in the long run. I know that cause i know how happy she was at the peak of or relationship. And i think she made another mistake too. She jumped too fast in another relationship. Its gonna backfire. I think that a person needs to be alone for a while before jumping into another relationship so fast. But when it backfires i think its gonna be too late for us to get back together. I wont wait for her forever. Emotions come and go but trust is hardly repairable. I went to facebook today and saw that she is looking my profile; she is replying to my older statuses. What the hell is she doing?!!?!?!!?
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