gypsy_nicky Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I wanted to bring this up because I haven't really found a thread about it. For men. have you ever fallen/dated someone whose social standing was clearly more higher than you? (woman is in a different social class, age, holds a high position, attractiveness etc). Did it work out? If not what were the things that led to an unfortunate outcome? Can you blame it on the woman's more upward position or your lack thereoff? For women. Same question as the men's but "falling downward" i.e looking downwards. This is not "settling for less" because that somehow implies sympathy for the person, burn out and other what not's. What I'm asking is have you disregarded social/physical barriers which enabled you to form relationships with someone below your standing because you saw them differently?
New Again Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I'm 5'4", 115 lbs, considered pretty by most (to the best of my knowledge), and I don't want to get into socioeconomic background... ...I have dated guys taller than me, shorter than me; guys who were skinny, guys who were overweight; guys that most people thought were "eh" or worse in the looks department; guys from a higher socioeconomic background, and guys from a lower socioeconomic background. Maybe I'm naive, but I don't see how these things matter. If you like someone, you like someone, and I don't think social judgments should be a deterrent.
Bejita463 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Social status means extremely little to me. Possibly nothing, but it definitely means little enough that I am unwilling to put the thought into it that would be required to verify that it means nothing at all to me. Also, this sentence has no purpose at all. Maybe I'm naive, but I don't see how these things matter. If you like someone, you like someone, and I don't think social judgments should be a deterrent. This.
New Again Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 And to finish answering your question, the breakups never had anything directly to do with factors such as those mentioned above. Probably the only exception is one guy (who was from a lower socioeconomic background, but I don't think that's necessarily tied into this) who had successfully managed to destroy his credit by the age of 19. He had no money sense whatsoever which was a huge turn off. Plus he was clingy and a cheater.
caramel c Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I don't think a man has to be beautiful to be attractive to me, so yes, I have dated men who I didn't think were 'hot'. About dating men who were in a lower 'class' (for lack of a better word), no, I don't think I've done that. I don't ever meet guys who are in a lower social class. Most everybody around me is from the same affluent area.
Thornton Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 In the past I have dated people who I saw as less educated and intelligent than me, less attractive, with less prospects and less ambition... I dated the whole range of guys from a very cute airhead to a rather unattractive professor... none of those relationships worked out, and I firmly believe that you have to see someone as more or less your equal in most respects otherwise you won't be content with them. Looking from the opposite side: I dated a guy whose family were very wealthy, and they talked him into dumping me because I wasn't rich. We liked each other as people, but the status imbalance prevented the relationship from working. Amusingly, his family business went bankrupt, he never entered higher education, while I studied for several qualifications and did reasonably well - and suddenly his parents loved me and he wanted us to get back together. That perceived shift in status between us is what made me seem more attractive to him once my status was raised and his was lowered. This all leads me to surmise that in an unequal relationship the lower status partner is more likely to be happy while the higher status partner is discontented and thinks they could do better. Imo the most stable relationships are between people of similar social status, looks, education, etc.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 I don't think a man has to be beautiful to be attractive to me, so yes, I have dated men who I didn't think were 'hot'. About dating men who were in a lower 'class' (for lack of a better word), no, I don't think I've done that. I don't ever meet guys who are in a lower social class. Most everybody around me is from the same affluent area. what if you met someone from a lower social class and you were attracted to him? Will you date him or will social stigma get to you coming from your affluent group (family,friends)?
Author gypsy_nicky Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 I forgot to add race. Yes, even if we all think these things don't matter now-spread of globalisation some of us were raised with still conservative views on matters like these, so we experience a contradiction on what we say and what we do. (this can be related to the threads here about interracial dating, or "he's 9 years older" or someone working odd jobs etc). Did you experience these as barriers?
Thornton Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 what if you met someone from a lower social class and you were attracted to him? Will you date him or will social stigma get to you coming from your affluent group (family,friends)? I would probably date him, but I expect that the relationship wouldn't last due to peer pressure and him not fitting in with my group. I already mentioned my own experience of dating someone of a higher social class, in which peer pressure resulted in him dumping me. Once his status lowered and his peers changed, he wanted to get back together with me. Regarding race: I was raised to be non-racist and to be accepting of mixed-race relationships, but at the same time there was a sense that "it's ok but we don't want it in our family". The reaction I would expect from my family would put me off dating someone of another race, even if I liked him, and I know numerous people of different races whose families would react in a similar way to them dating someone of a different race.
caramel c Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 what if you met someone from a lower social class and you were attracted to him? Will you date him or will social stigma get to you coming from your affluent group (family,friends)? First, it depends on the guy, his character, his intellect, and what else he has going for him in his life. Still, I would not date a guy who lived in poverty, but, if he was in some middle class level I would for sure if he held my interest.
caramel c Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I forgot to add race. Yes, even if we all think these things don't matter now-spread of globalisation some of us were raised with still conservative views on matters like these, so we experience a contradiction on what we say and what we do. (this can be related to the threads here about interracial dating, or "he's 9 years older" or someone working odd jobs etc). Did you experience these as barriers? I am middle eastern and I do prefer to date somebody who is middle eastern, from the same country or similar culture. I have good reasons for that, yet, I have and would date somebody outside of that culture, again it just depends on the guy. When you come from such a strong refined culture such as my own, it is much easier to relate to someone who also does. It prevents me from constantly having to explain myself, my family, or whatever the situation may be. Think 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' for an example...somewhere along those lines is what I mean.
New Again Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I forgot to add race. Yes, even if we all think these things don't matter now-spread of globalisation some of us were raised with still conservative views on matters like these, so we experience a contradiction on what we say and what we do. (this can be related to the threads here about interracial dating, or "he's 9 years older" or someone working odd jobs etc). Did you experience these as barriers? My answer remains the same Probably the only exception I can think of is religion, but I don't see any religion as superior or inferior to any other. I just want to raise my children with a certain background - not because I'm religious (far from it), but because I believe it gives you a certain cultural background that is useful in pop culture, world events, history, literature, etc. that you just don't get, or have to learn otherwise. So if someone was of a different religious background, and felt strongly about his religion, I would need him to be open-minded, and willing to raise our children with both backgrounds. I wouldn't convert.
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