C.Chase Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 So ill make this pretty short as there’s not much to tell. This started after I dated my first ex. We had a pretty good relationship for a long time minus some major problems, but that’s all irrelevant. The problem is that when she broke up with me (after 2 years), she never gave a clear reason to why and has never been able to; it really just came out of nowhere and was completely unexpected. The other girl I dated a few months back kind of flaked off and one day just stopped talking to me. She later admitted to ignoring me because she had gotten back together with her ex, but she as well gave (at the time) no reason and it came out of nowhere and was completely unexpected, as all was going very well. I’m now going out with a girl for maybe 2 weeks and it seems to be going well, I’m just afraid I wont be able to try too hard for fear that it will end. If I can specify, I’m afraid I won’t be able to put in the effort because previous experience has shown me that instead of communication or even signs and signals that something is going wrong, a girl will just pick up and leave without saying a word; and I’m afraid to put in the emotion into a relationship because I have this fear it will all blow up tomorrow out of nowhere. As much as I would love to advance in a relationship, I’m afraid that what I’ve been through will prevent me from it. I’m not afraid of commitment and I always trust until proven wrong but previous experiences have clouded my better judgment to protect myself. I just wanted to know if anybody has any advice on overcoming this as its not that I’m afraid of being dumped so much as I’m afraid of sudden abandonment; and as silly as it sounds it seems to be the common theme. I know it sounds stupid but every day I wonder if she’ll just call me tomorrow and say “Hey, yeah... This isn’t working so... Bye!”, or just not call me at all lol even though we just made plans to hang out for the weekend, and its really screwing with my head!! Help?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Aww. You got two straight-up bitches in a row. I feel for you. I'm being totally serious. What they did was messed up. I could never do that to someone. Even with my most recent xbf, whom I COULD have gone the route of not giving a reason because there wasn't anything major like he was an ***hole...I did give him a couple of reasons it wasn't working out. Just like in life, you can let fear paralyze you and miss out on the joys that are out there, or you can grab life by the balls and risk getting kicked. We're ALL going to get knocked on our ass now and again. But if it was your last day on earth, wouldn't you like to look back and know that you gave it your all? Don't let the two previous jerks have your power - they have stolen a piece of happiness that you COULD have with the new girl. So, two choices - choose to be afraid and have zero chance at happiness... or give it a shot and at least you can say there WAS a shot.
Bejita463 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I’m afraid I won’t be able to put in the effort because previous experience has shown me that instead of communication or even signs and signals that something is going wrong, a girl will just pick up and leave without saying a word; and I’m afraid to put in the emotion into a relationship because I have this fear it will all blow up tomorrow out of nowhere. Women are not all the same. One, two, ten, or even a hundred doing something a specific way does not mean that the next one will do it that way. This girl is neither of your exes, and it would be prudent to remember that when this starts to worry you. Trying to advance your future is pointless when you are stuck in the past.
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