ace2666 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 To give you some back story, my GF for 3 years and 8 months broke up with me last week, saying she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't know why. I wrote this note on facebook for everyone including her: "I’ve needed some one to talk to and I couldn’t find out whom. I need to let this out, so I’ve decided to write it out so everyone can hear if they please. Our relationship ended on an honest note. But neither of us knew why? Now I do. After much thought and self searching I now know the reason why this has happened to me twice and why it will never hopefully happen to me again. So here goes: You need to build your life around yourself, and have a space to share it with someone. Not build your life around an other and share it with yourself. We both didn’t heed these words, and over 3 years became dependant on each other. One needed the other, as the other needed the one. We lost our independence, one thing that both of us admired at the beginning of the relationship. Other than that, our relationship was great, we were a couple in love. But this dependence finally came to its climax recently when she realized it and tried to be free. I, sensing this, tried to keep a hold on her, but only made that dependence stronger. She did the only thing she could, break it. So I established No Contact. I will not talk, text, email, or see her. It was the only right thing to do. It’s cold turkey for both of us, from both of us. If she needs to contact me, she knows how to find me otherwise its No Contact indefinitely. I need to stop using her as an emotional crutch and make myself independent. Rebuild my life. Make me the most important thing in it. I miss her, love her, and want to be with her, but I’m not worth anything to any girl till I’m independent. As she is not worth anything to any guy till she is. I would love to be back with her, but I’m not holding my breath. We could never start where we left off, it would have to be a totally new relationship. Also, the possibility that she will no longer want to be in my life is a very probable one. So that’s what I’ve been doing this last week, making myself independent. I am building my life around myself. To be ready for she, whoever “she” might be, to share my life and love." I broke NC to ask her to read it and make sure she understands. She did and she respects my NC. I feel a lot better and I can now move on, with or without her.
EricaH329 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 As much as I am happy that you figured all this out, why did you make it publicly known?? Why did you send it to everyone??
wannie9 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Wow! This is what I call the right attitude! Tons of congratulations to you for accepting it and doing the right thing !! You should be really proud of yourself. You couldn't be more right, the more independent we are, the better relationship we'll have with our partners.
Author ace2666 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 As much as I am happy that you figured all this out, why did you make it publicly known?? Why did you send it to everyone?? Because the advice in the note is true for all relationships and also most of my friends are her friends, so I wanted them to understand what I'm doing and t respect it. Wow! This is what I call the right attitude! Tons of congratulations to you for accepting it and doing the right thing !! You should be really proud of yourself. You couldn't be more right, the more independent we are, the better relationship we'll have with our partners. Thank you.
EricaH329 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Because the advice in the note is true for all relationships and also most of my friends are her friends, so I wanted them to understand what I'm doing and t respect it. Does it really matter what they think?? I mean, the realization you came to is great!! I couldn't be happier for you!! I just don't fully understand why you would feel the need to put your business out there. But... to each their own. I'm glad you realized that. Takes a lot of courage. Congrats!
NSW768 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 i feel thats almost exactly like my situation. ik if i would ve posted it for everyone to see but i enjoyed reading it, its very empowering and truthful.
logitech Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I wish I had the same sort of message for my ex when she broke up with me...
Author ace2666 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Two weeks broken up and with NC. I had a very vivid dream of her last night. I woke up thinking about her and missing her. I’m not in pain, but I feel helpless, even when I’m doing a lot. I realized that I want to really work things out, to have her in my life. People say you can do better but I disagree, I think I did very well. She loved me for who I am and unconditionally, never fought and really care about each other. I still love her. I want to break NC and work things out, but I realized it will do more damage then help. Thought the temptation is great, I will remain strong. I can move on, but I want to have a second chance. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it, so I must move forward as if I won’t. I’m writing this to help keep me strong, because at this point I really want her.
EricaH329 Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Two weeks broken up and with NC. I had a very vivid dream of her last night. I woke up thinking about her and missing her. I’m not in pain, but I feel helpless, even when I’m doing a lot. I realized that I want to really work things out, to have her in my life. People say you can do better but I disagree, I think I did very well. She loved me for who I am and unconditionally, never fought and really care about each other. I still love her. I want to break NC and work things out, but I realized it will do more damage then help. Thought the temptation is great, I will remain strong. I can move on, but I want to have a second chance. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it, so I must move forward as if I won’t. I’m writing this to help keep me strong, because at this point I really want her. Ah, that's so weird... i'm in the same situation you're in!! I had a crazy dream about my ex last night, and I woke up missing him. Now I feel terrible. I was doing so good!! I checked my e-mail thinking he might have broken NC, but he didn't. And as much as I want to talk to him, i'm glad I didn't. Now it's time to take my own advice. When you are at this point, you havvvve to remember that healing and moving on is a process. Sometimes it will feel like you are taking steps backwards, but you aren't. It's all a part of moving on. Some days you'll feel great, and others you will miss them and think of them and want nothing more than to contact them. We need to stay strong though. During these low times, we neeeed to remember what it was like when we were at our highest. When we felt like we were absolutely fine without them. This is the part that's hard. And it sucks really really bad. We can't sit here and wallow in our nostalgia though. It's normal to miss someone, but it isn't normal to let it get the best of us. We need to push through this. Find our strength once again. We can do this!!
Author ace2666 Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 I ran into her in a party last night, and my sister, who was with me, talk to her. In short, she really does not love me anymore. There will be no second chance. This morning I un-friend her from all my social networks, and de-tagged all pictures of us. I'm cutting her from my life completely. This will be true permanent NC. Time to rebuild myself, again.
angelface78 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Im sorry Ace2666...its soo hard. Focus on yourself...take it one day at a time. You are not alone. We all feel the same. Take care of yourself.
wannie9 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I'm sorry to hear that too, Ace2666. It's not easy, I know. But angelface78 is right, you're not alone. We're all in the same situation, and we're here for you. And yes, it's time to focus on yourself. Do what you love, especially those things your partner didn't like. If feels oh so liberating.
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 dude u just dont know how that is so true i was with my ex for 3 and a half yrs we became so dependent on one another that we stagnanted our love and it is soo weird cuz we both agree that we are great for each other. we have been apart since june and it feels like eternity. i have been on NC for a wk now and it hurts but it is for the best i guess if we are meant to be then our paths shall cross again....thanx for ur post it gave me some insight.
Author ace2666 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Update! I'm continuing NC. A mutual friend of ours let me know that she actually cheated on me, which given the actions right before and after the break up, makes sense. I actually feel good with this information, I've never cheated. This makes me the better person and happy that its over. I will make myself a better man. dude u just dont know how that is so true i was with my ex for 3 and a half yrs we became so dependent on one another that we stagnanted our love and it is soo weird cuz we both agree that we are great for each other. we have been apart since june and it feels like eternity. i have been on NC for a wk now and it hurts but it is for the best i guess if we are meant to be then our paths shall cross again....thanx for ur post it gave me some insight. The only thing you can change is yourself. Stay strong.
JaggedRoad Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Update! I'm continuing NC. A mutual friend of ours let me know that she actually cheated on me, which given the actions right before and after the break up, makes sense. I actually feel good with this information, I've never cheated. This makes me the better person and happy that its over. I will make myself a better man. The only thing you can change is yourself. Stay strong. Ouch, I'm sorry that happened. Best of luck to you.
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