I'll call the cops method....

[samsungxoxo]

To make a long story short this is in regard to each parents' raising skills when it comes to discipline. I know each of you have a different style. Some of you spank, some of you don't...

 

I don't get what's with the spanking a child after a certain age. If they're 13 or above boy that must be embarrassing....

 

Ok here's what I did a couple of occassions at that age. When my father threatened me with spanking me at that age, I threatened him back that I would call the cops on him. I was like ''Touch me and I'll call the cops on you'' and I meant it.. I would have done it, seriously. I did that on like 3 more occassions, the nerves... You want respect, then don't hit me, talk like an adult..... And if you hit me, I'll hit you back, and this I apply on everyone. Fact I hit my mother on two occassions making her tear and scared of me LOL (she only tapped me on the arm in an argument but I responded back) and almost hit my father as well.

 

Ok so what if that were to happened.. Then who's fault is it??

[Kenyth]

The police will stay out of domestic affairs involving child discipline for the most part, unless there is obvious abuse going on. If they do get involved, the kid will generally find themselves getting the short end of the stick. If they find you hitting your mother, they might give you a complimentary night in the tank. Since you aren't an adult, only your parents could bail you out, so you'd be stuck.

 

Spanking isn't the answer anyway. Removing all the kids priveleges and possessions works much better.

[samsungxoxo]

The police will stay out of domestic affairs involving child discipline for the most part, unless there is obvious abuse going on. If they do get involved, the kid will generally find themselves getting the short end of the stick. If they find you hitting your mother, they might give you a complimentary night in the tank. Since you aren't an adult, only your parents could bail you out, so you'd be stuck.

Actually when I first hit my mother I was 19 at the time. The recent argument with my father was many months ago. Now I'm 22. Interesting how they can resort to hitting whenever they feel like, if they feel it's the easy way for you to get their point but when you grow up and are old enough to strike back then it's a crime. Shouldn't it be mutual respect. Why would I respect you if you have to threatened to hit me for me to get your point???

Spanking isn't the answer anyway. Removing all the kids priveleges and possessions works much better.

Right but you always get some idiots that think it works for all children and that each one of the will have the same level of temperament, same reaction when that's not the case.

[Kenyth]

Actually when I first hit my mother I was 19 at the time. The recent argument with my father was many months ago. Now I'm 22. Interesting how they can resort to hitting whenever they feel like, if they feel it's the easy way for you to get their point but when you grow up and are old enough to strike back then it's a crime. Shouldn't it be mutual respect. Why would I respect you if you have to threatened to hit me for me to get your point???

Right but you always get some idiots that think it works for all children and that each one of the will have the same level of temperament, same reaction when that's not the case.

 

Sorry, I had assumed you were still legally a child. Since you are not, the appropriate answer for the parent is to let the offending offspring out the front door along with their belongings, to live by their own means until such time as they achieve success, or they agree to comply with house rules. As far as hitting is concerned, you could both potentially be charged with battery. Police will still be reluctant to get involved unless there are serious problems, but if they do, the child will still likely be on the short recieving end if they are living at home.

 

The owners of the property have the right to set whatever demands they want on those choosing to stay there as long as it does not break the law. You, as the consumer of these services, have the right to decline and seek the services elsewhere on the open market. The same services will probably be a bit more pricey on the outside, but it is your right.

 

Respect and credibility are earned priveledges in life. You'll find until you are a well mannered and productive member of society, or obviously on your way to being one, you will be treated with less credibility and more scrutiny.

[ReturnToSender]

Theres a huge difference between discipline, and lashing out physically fueled by anger. I dont physically discipline my daughter...the only time Ive ever hit her is as a toddler when I saw her trying to put something in a light socket...I was FREAKED and slapped her hand.

 

When she does something that truly infuriates me, I tell her to get out of my sight, go to her room and Ill deal with her later. I give myself time to relax myself and figure out a punishment to fit the crime..so to speak. Hitting a child in anger is nothing save for stress relief and totally inexcusable. Though I do not do it myself, spanking is an entirely different thing altogether....and there is no excuse for a child to hit a parent.

 

If you hit your parents...thats your fault and your inability to control yourself. Just as if a parent beats their children, they are at fault for complete lack of control...thats not discipline, thats abuse of power.

[samsungxoxo]

You, as the consumer of these services, have the right to decline and seek the services elsewhere on the open market. The same services will probably be a bit more pricey on the outside, but it is your right.

Respect and credibility are earned priveledges in life. You'll find until you are a well mannered and productive member of society, or obviously on your way to being one, you will be treated with less credibility and more scrutiny.

Yup, guess it's the way you act sometimes what makes it boring..... I'm aware I may have a temper sometimes, thus why as soon as I go back to the US I will seek counseling myself and throw out whatever demons may reside sometimes within me....

I did lashed out once in a situation and my boyfriend was there. Thought it was never at him, he was scared as. Well according to him, I was told I scare the hell out of him... So ok that's a sign something isn't right unfortunately counselors here in my country aren't as effective as the US..... but that is something I will seek. I'm tried of making excuses for my actions.... I have to remind myself at 22, I'm no longer a child and can't be blaming others for what I do from now on.

[samsungxoxo]

Theres a huge difference between discipline, and lashing out physically fueled by anger.

Only got the spanked as a little kid, probably at age 7 was the last time by my father was the last time (I feel I didn't really learn that much but to withold certain dark side I may have repressed within me). I a trouble maker nor into drugs or anything so there was really no need for any type of punishment whatsoever, only the once in a blue moon yelling (dad typically doing it) as it scared me enough.... No if he does, I'm not scare at all, fact it will just pissed me off. By then the house will turn into a yelling match. I scream the loudest too if I feel any type of threatening gestures. As a 12 and 13 year old on like 3 occassions it was talked as a threat mainly for talking back. Did it stopped me from talking back and get moody once in a while, from arguing with parents at times?? No it did not.... I have a short-tempered at times....

there is no excuse for a child to hit a parent.

I understand that. Just that on those two occassions that I hit my mother it was done only after she hit me after an overheated argument. It started as an argument, she yells and I yelled back as soon. I started really talking back to the point of saying harsh profanity language (her fault, she started). Then she taps on my arm. On the first occassion I swapped her with an apron, leaving her a small red mark on her neck, making her cry right away and taking a step back before I even got more out of control. Who knows, I could have slap her in the face.

On the second occassion, it was the same. On that one, I held both her arms tightly and tapped her on the arm enough to leave a red mark while have a rage look on my face. She got scared and started crying telling me to let go. Realizing what I done, I let go. Can't believe what I was thinking (In my stupid mind was to tackle her a bit to the group, not hard though and slap her)..

I never done it again but I did feel guilty though.

[ReturnToSender]

It sounds like theres a lack of respect going on...from both ends. Goodness knows, all I have to do is give my daughter the "evil eye" and she straightens up right quick..not cause shes afraid of me..she knows Im not going to hurt her...but because she respects and honours me.

 

Shes 12 and has never spoken back to me...the worst of it is one day when she muttered "meanie" under her breath a couple years ago. Hah! I cant even imagine. I see how kids talk to their parents, how they behave and parents have no control over them....I dont get it. And as an adult, if my daughter so much as raised her voice or her hand to me...at 18+ she can get her own place. Im not going to live with that. But...Im not worried about that...

[samsungxoxo]

It sounds like theres a lack of respect going on...from both ends.

True some parents, esp. if it's a father figure and he were to have a naughty daugher, they associate respect with fear. But if I ever were to find myself in a confrontational situation were threatening gestures (the person trying to go physical on me in any way), it's like I totally blank out in that instant and go into a crazy uncontrollable rage. Then if hypothetically speaking, a physical fight were to occur, I go for it and don't stop unless I was subdued completely. It's like I can't explain that reaction and then next I would be like ''Omg, what happened, I just went wild'' and off course me perspiring heavily.....

[GorillaTheater]

Fact I hit my mother on two occassions making her tear and scared of me LOL (she only tapped me on the arm in an argument but I responded back)

 

If any of my kids hit my wife, it would be on.

 

This "LOL" business after talking about what you did to your mother pisses me off.

[samsungxoxo]

This "LOL" business after talking about what you did to your mother pisses me off.

She hit me first and I wasn't even threatening her in any way. I was only yelling and talking back after she got rude. She started the yelling and argument and then when I lashed out verbally, she snap at me so I hit her back.

Then after her crying she was like ''Damn, got no respect at all, I'm your mother, I never hit my mother nor grandmother no matter no angry I was at time at your age, I suppost you're going to hit me again if I say anything you don't like''. Then she was mad the whole day. I understand I went but she went off too..

As for my father, there was an overheated argument with him too like 6 months ago or so. Only if it gets too much to the point I'm talking back badly, he keeps yelling and trying threatening gestures like saying ''You better shut the hell up, else I'll slap you'', those gestures. It didn't worked, it got me even madder to the point I twice was yelling out loud to the top of my lungs ''I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna kill you, don't dare touch''. No I never meant it but it's like I had that uncontrollable rage in that moment and couldn't control myself....

I wonder why I don't react with fear in a confrontational situation with threatening gestures (someone wanting to go physical on me) and instead I blank out and next thing you know, the fight goes on, whether it's only verbally or physically. To me it's like the more threatening gestures going on physical or fear you try on me, the more further you'll pissed me off and make me want to snap at you...

[GorillaTheater]

Yeah yeah. Look, I don't excuse any verbal abuse on their part, but hitting your mother? And did she "tap" you on the arm or "hit" you? You've said both now.

 

If they're that toxic, drop them from your life, at least for now. I've done the same, for not entirely dissimilar reasons. But don't raise your hand to your mother again. Period.

 

And seeking help for your anger issues sounds like an entirely reasonable plan.

[samsungxoxo]

Yeah yeah. Look, I don't excuse any verbal abuse on their part, but hitting your mother? And did she "tap" you on the arm or "hit" you? You've said both now.

She hit me by tapping my on one arm, like the way a sibling would do it to another but it got a bit red, that's when I got totally enraged. But even since the 2nd argument, we never had that episode again. I was 19 then so it's been a very long while. No I won't hit her back if it ever, ever were to happened again but I would be like ''Get away from now'' and walk away.

If they're that toxic, drop them from your life, at least for now. I've done the same, for not entirely dissimilar reasons. But don't raise your hand to your mother again. Period.

Yes you're right on that one. All I been displaying by those that is a childdish behavior, kinda like a 4 year-old throwing tantrums...

And seeking help for your anger issues sounds like an entirely reasonable plan.

That's what I'll do when I get back to the US, for sure seek help on that one.

[MSUE]

The police will stay out of domestic affairs involving child discipline for the most part, unless there is obvious abuse going on. If they do get involved, the kid will generally find themselves getting the short end of the stick. If they find you hitting your mother, they might give you a complimentary night in the tank. Since you aren't an adult, only your parents could bail you out, so you'd be stuck.

 

Spanking isn't the answer anyway. Removing all the kids priveleges and possessions works much better.

 

 

where are you located? because in my neck of the woods they get involved immediately

[Kenyth]

where are you located? because in my neck of the woods they get involved immediately

 

 

You're kidding right? They haul you in for spanking your kid? Will they knock on your door, do a cursory investigation and file a report? Yes, they are required to do as much. Will they get involved, arrest you and haul you in if you are disciplining a willful teen? I don't think so.

[bean1]

I've worked in law enforcement for over 5 years now, and I can tell you I've seen 100's of parent-teen domestics. Not ONCE has a parent ever been arrested or charged for smacking the crap out of an unruly teen. I can't count how many times I have told a mouthy teen to smarten up and quit being mouthy. Of course the police have to attend, it isn't really optional.

 

You better believe that an adult child WILL be arrested for assault and issued a restraining order if they hit their parent (although parents rarely pursue charges unless it is ongoing with drug issues that can't be resolved).

 

If you are 19-22 and physically able to hit your parent, you are physically capable of leaving the residence, getting a job, and living on your own. End of story.

[Queen of Hearts]

If any of my kids hit my wife, it would be on.

 

This "LOL" business after talking about what you did to your mother pisses me off.

I agree.

 

My first instinct is to question what OP did to piss off his/her parents. Especially to have them react in such a way at a supposed mature age. OP must be highly disrespectful.

 

Secondly... I can't wait until OP has children... that's when we can LOL at the OP.

[samsungxoxo]

I agree.

My first instinct is to question what OP did to piss off his/her parents. Especially to have them react in such a way at a supposed mature age. OP must be highly disrespectful.

Oh so are you saying just because I may say bad words, that's enough for someone to hit you?? Yet vice-versa, they can insult you whenever they feel like it and scream if they want to while you have to sit down and accept it?? I did nothing. t was just an argument with mom that got out of control 3 years ago (I'm 22 now). Those were the only two occassions. She insults me and insult her back. She keeps tapping me on the arms and fighting me like I was a kid so I just hit her back because I though she deserved it in that moment. I know, I should have walked away. I would do that now if she were to come with that crap again.

Secondly... I can't wait until OP has children... that's when we can LOL at the OP.

don't want kids anyways. That's one reason. If hypothetically speaking I had kids, I never want them to fear me cos I'll spank/hit them. I would reserve that if it was a real life-threatening case (ex: 2 year-old running across the street where cars are hit him/her, those cases) not because of words.

 

Finally if you have to resort to hitting due to few bad words being said, then you suck. Period. It means I actually won the war since I got you to react through just words then you would expect me to have self-control next time when you yourself didn't have it.. So we might as well do that with spouses right?? If bad words are said, the man o woman can slap them right?? LOL. seriously. Everyone says those things once in a while. Can't stand it, then why you do keep listening to them? Why don't you just walk away. Afterall you aren't getting threatened.

 

My point, don't demand self-control from me if you don't show it nor have it in that moment.

[TaraMaiden]

In the UK we have the CPS (Child Protection Services). They've had a lot of bad press lately, some of it justified, and I'm not going to go into it, but they're basically there to protect the vulnerable and to prevent abuse.

 

I have to resort to a stand up comedian, from India, where I think we can agree cultural differences lead to different upbringings and values. he's based in canada now, but his routine was hilarious.

he was recounting his youth, and gave an incident in which he found himself frustrated at his mother's 'nagging discipline, but that if he backtalked her, his father always threatened him with a beating

"Sanjay, watch your mouth, or some-a-body's a-gonna get a-hurt!" (you have to imagine the Hindi accent....)

So he poured his heart out to a schoolfriend, who advised him that, if his father ever threatened him again, to call (the Canadian version of) the CPS and his dad would be charged with assault....

 

The next time he backtalked his mom, he heard his father come up with the standard threat:

"Sanjay, watch your mouth, or some-a-body's a-gonna get a-hurt!"

"Yeh, well, you lay a finger on me dad, and I'm gonna call the services on you, and they'll arrest you, so there!" (think slightly scared but bold idiotic teenager.)

His father ruminated.

"Oh, you are are you?"

"Yeah!" (Slightly bolder.)

"And when you call them, how long you think it's gonna take 'em to get here, huh?"

"I dunno.... mebbe 20 minutes...." (bit unsure now....)

"About 20 minutes huh? Yes, I think that's about right.

But during that time - some-a-body's a-gonna get a-hurt!"

 

Well, I thought it was funny.....

[samsungxoxo]

That sure is a funny story. I guess the threat didn't work in that case but it sure got my father's attention at the time. LOL

[TwinkletOes26]

smacking,slapping,hitting,choking is abuse and should be investigated. Im so sick of hearing "when u have kids" well if i have to smack my kid to get them to behave then imma march right down to my obgyn and have my uterus removed.

 

It is not alright for you to hit children. Where im from this is in the religious south even. You get a call about a parent hitting their kid they will be carted off. I remember a few classmates who had parents who choked,kicked and punched them. They told the counselor and BAM the rents were jailed right away(esp since there were marks left).

 

If you cant communicate with you child without getting physical then you and the kid need counseling tis all.