Lucky555 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 So the guy that said he had issues going on and couldn't start anything and it seemed like we were just going to let it go and he has kept in touch online only. So now I found out some information tonight that some girls are trying to hook him up with another person. I found out online..hey i checked because I don't want to be played. So they encouraged him to befriend this girl and he did. Now, am i clueless here! did he lie to me to keep me around? since he is doing as they say.........does this mean he is lying about not being able to go out? I have not contacted him HE CONTACTS ME still. I thought it was over last time he said he was in a tough situation at the time. but now I feel kind of angry and confused because I really dont understand after reading this stuff. If the guy was just interested in me then wouldn't he have not given in to what these people had said?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Lucky, please don't take this as being cold, I'm simply curious....why does it matter if he was lying or not? He said he wasn't interested, I'd say beyond that he's a waste of time. And in saying what I've just said, I'm trying to point out that you are placing more value on this guy than he deserves.
Author Lucky555 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 so u think this is the real thing here, even though he initiates contact with me? I stopped initiating contact because I thought it wasn't going anywhere but he still "acts" like he cares and is interested. Then i saw these girls trying to meddle with his love life and i guess if he was interested he would have never listened to them right?? thats my main question here. I also am leaving soon for a bit on work so i know this could have something to do with it....but i dont know i guess i will just keep doing what im doing..not making contact till i get more from him. I really do need more from him, definitely. I just am in a confused state.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I think he's a game-player. The contact is his method of keeping you "baited." I'd quit taking his calls/texts/emails.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Cut off all contact, whether he initiates or not. He's keeping you around because you are someone who fills his time. And he didn't force you to talk to him. You have every right to just tell him to go to hell. Please don't demean your self worth any further by allowing him to get to you.
Hkizzle Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 but he still "acts" like he cares and is interested. Most women don't get the concept of deception in relationships. Now way they get ripped off on an overpriced handbag, but when it comes to relationship deception a lot of women can't see clearly. Put it this way, how many jerks walk around wearing a T-Shirt that says "I'm a player and I don't care"? In order for a jerk to get a girl interested of course he shows he cares, it's only some time later in the relationship that he goes back to his real personality.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 In order for a jerk to get a girl interested of course he shows he cares, it's only some time later in the relationship that he goes back to his real personality. Well said.
Thornton Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Lucky, please don't take this as being cold, I'm simply curious....why does it matter if he was lying or not? If it were me, I'd want to know whether he was lying or not too. Because he said he couldn't start a relationship, but now it looks like he might be starting one with someone else, which begs the question: Did he really not want a relationship, or did he just not want a relationship with me? What's wrong with me that he didn't want a relationship with me? Does he like me, and if not why is he still bothering me? ... and so on. I agree with the advice that was given though - he's a player, cut all contact and move on. Who cares whether he likes you or not - you don't like him because he's stringing you along and offering you nothing. Let him get on with his games, and you get on with your own life.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 If it were me, I'd want to know whether he was lying or not too. Because he said he couldn't start a relationship, but now it looks like he might be starting one with someone else, which begs the question: Did he really not want a relationship, or did he just not want a relationship with me? What's wrong with me that he didn't want a relationship with me? Does he like me, and if not why is he still bothering me? ... and so on. I agree with the advice that was given though - he's a player, cut all contact and move on. Who cares whether he likes you or not - you don't like him because he's stringing you along and offering you nothing. Let him get on with his games, and you get on with your own life. If you think about it long enough, maybe the answer would be hurt more than actually not knowing. Sometimes it's big enough of a shock as is to find out you were lied to. In Lucky's position, he lied to her whereas she had given him the benefit of the doubt until this incident. So whether or not the truth will come out later, the main point is this very behaviour had cost the trust she placed in him.
Author Lucky555 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 So i understand what you all are saying. If he didn't want to be involved right now or ever I really would have no problem at least he would be honest. I guess now i just want a view into the male mind. I just would like some input to these questions to make it make sense. it just doesn't make sense because i have known the guy for years, i didn't give him a chance until recently, and he makes an effort to contact me, he will do just about anything he can to help me out if i ask him, and he told me he is going to let me in his life and i would try to let him and mine. (I am leaving soon so its not ideal to have a relationship that is concrete since we wouldn't be together..but we agreed to be honest) 1. So the question is have is why did he befriend her online? Would a guy do that just to be nice because she had mentioned to his friend that she liked him? 2. He and I are not in a relationship, but usually if the guy has the intention on carrying on with someone he would have not added her right? 3. He knows the person and he didn't want to make himself look like a jerk for not adding her? (he does know the person i know for a fact). I guess i shouldn't waste my time thinking about this but I really am puzzled. I think i have a hard time reading guys minds and intentions when it comes to myself. I don't think he set a date with this girl.....but I guess i would like to peer into the male mindset of "why he added her if he knew she like him and yet he told me he is having issues in his life which are affecting him" TO me it wouldn't hurt me to know the truth. I want to avoid future situations like this. OR am i blowing this out of proportion? I just am not good at seeing things clearly for myself. I want to know if its ME who is automatically thinking hes a bad guy or is it HIM? OR Is this normal I just dont know.
Hkizzle Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 It's simple, he's giving himself another option by adding her. With very little risk and nothing to lose.
BCCA Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 "I dont want to start a relationship/just got out of one/just want to be alone for a while/et al" are excuses, plain and simple. Any variation of any of these phrases = not interested. It doesnt matter if he lied, how are you ever going to prove it? He could just say 'I changed my mind'. And secondly, what does it do for you here? Are you going to try and prove his deciet in an attempt to guilt him into something with you? Whatever he said, whatever his reasons, hes not interested. It's simple, he's giving himself another option by adding her. With very little risk and nothing to lose. So we're clear here, he's giving himself another option to get laid. Not for a long term relationship. If that was on his mind, he would go for it. And as stated, there is nothing to lose for him here.
Author Lucky555 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 hey everyone, I really needed answers from him. So tonight i talked to him and we had a good conversation until i asked him about himself. HE totally closed me off. he wouldn't talk and practically tried to weasel his way out of saying anything! NOTHING. my stomach turned over and i feel like i want to vomit. I have know this guy for awhile, finally gave him a chance, then discovered all that i did, and now its like what the hell why even bother leading me on like that. This is what i needed. I needed to see his true colors because of this mask he apparently has been wearing is deceiving me. Acting like he cares when obviously he doesn't. SO not more contact for him what a waste. he was supposed to be honest thats all i ever asked. I know just then i acted cool and calm but he was just so not himself. He obviously is being a total jerk. I will move on. I had a feeling from a few days ago things seemed off and now that was icing on the cake. I seriously just called him out on what he was doing and he starting trying to manipulate me. I have closure. I just feel sometimes that i am over judging people and i need views on it. Thanks for the advise it really helped me and it really got me to get some closure
You'reasian Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 So i understand what you all are saying. If he didn't want to be involved right now or ever I really would have no problem at least he would be honest. I guess now i just want a view into the male mind. I just would like some input to these questions to make it make sense. it just doesn't make sense because i have known the guy for years, i didn't give him a chance until recently, and he makes an effort to contact me, he will do just about anything he can to help me out if i ask him, and he told me he is going to let me in his life and i would try to let him and mine. (I am leaving soon so its not ideal to have a relationship that is concrete since we wouldn't be together..but we agreed to be honest) 1. So the question is have is why did he befriend her online? Would a guy do that just to be nice because she had mentioned to his friend that she liked him? 2. He and I are not in a relationship, but usually if the guy has the intention on carrying on with someone he would have not added her right? 3. He knows the person and he didn't want to make himself look like a jerk for not adding her? (he does know the person i know for a fact). I guess i shouldn't waste my time thinking about this but I really am puzzled. I think i have a hard time reading guys minds and intentions when it comes to myself. I don't think he set a date with this girl.....but I guess i would like to peer into the male mindset of "why he added her if he knew she like him and yet he told me he is having issues in his life which are affecting him" TO me it wouldn't hurt me to know the truth. I want to avoid future situations like this. OR am i blowing this out of proportion? I just am not good at seeing things clearly for myself. I want to know if its ME who is automatically thinking hes a bad guy or is it HIM? OR Is this normal I just dont know. Cut the facebook/messenger drama out of the picture. go see this guy, face to face, start out smooth - maybe dinner, then tell him that you are interested in him. You want to be his. If you don't see this guy face to face and just think he is going to contact you, you will lose him. Women who do not reciprocate interest and say "but he's the one contacting me!" will fall to the wayside. Show some courage. Lay it on the line. If he doesn't respond, then move on. Don't presume anything until you've made this concerted action.
Author Lucky555 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Cut the facebook/messenger drama out of the picture. go see this guy, face to face, start out smooth - maybe dinner, then tell him that you are interested in him. You want to be his. If you don't see this guy face to face and just think he is going to contact you, you will lose him. Women who do not reciprocate interest and say "but he's the one contacting me!" will fall to the wayside. Show some courage. Lay it on the line. If he doesn't respond, then move on. Don't presume anything until you've made this concerted action. I already asked if he wanted to go out sometime and he said yes. But we I had some things going on at this time. I figured if he wanted to go out he already knew my interest right there. Last night though he really was closed off and kind of acting like a jerk. Its ok I think if he really wanted to ask me out now he would have. He didn't and he figures why not date other people. Oh well. I'm going to back way off I am leaving the area im in for a few weeks for work. I will meet new people.
You'reasian Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I already asked if he wanted to go out sometime and he said yes. But we I had some things going on at this time. I figured if he wanted to go out he already knew my interest right there. Last night though he really was closed off and kind of acting like a jerk. Its ok I think if he really wanted to ask me out now he would have. He didn't and he figures why not date other people. Oh well. I'm going to back way off I am leaving the area im in for a few weeks for work. I will meet new people. Best of luck!
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