gd26 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Hi all. I contacted him online after 13 months NC. We were never in a relationship, but met online last year. We had an intense email/phone connection for a few months. I know many would say that you can't really develop feelings for someone online... but I did. I got to know him in a much deeper way than I knew most people. However, I was uncomfortable getting too close to him as he was separated and not yet divorced at the time. Despite our intense lovely connection, he also had a few concerns about our incompatibilities (as we were in different spiritual groups). The last time we talked last summer we left things unresolved... with a "we'll talk later after the divorce" deal. It was actually more of him rejecting me. I didn't talk to him for over one year.... 13 months actually, until I emailed him yesterday. I know I should have been the one to wait for him to contact me, since he rejected me, but I still missed him after all this time and didn't want to wait anymore. All of these months, he's been in my heart. He wrote me back today saying his divorce is finalized, but he's in a relationship with a girl who is joining his spiritual group (thus no incompatibilities). He requested my friendship. My heart is broken, but I deeply admire him, and am thinking to accept the friendship - as I know of no one else like him. But hearing him write about her was hard. Probably not as hard as not ever hearing from him, but still. On the other hand, my feeling for him was always genuine, and I am truly happy that he found someone to be happy with. Anyway, I haven't written him back to accept the friendship request yet. I'll need to sit on this a little longer as I just found all this out (read his message to me) about 15 minutes ago. I truly cared about this man, and felt deep in me from the beginning that he was right for me. But I couldn't change my spiritual group for him. Interestingly enough, last night I was stressing over breaking NC with him - as I wondered if I had lost my chances with him since he broke things off with me and I was the one to reinitiate contact. But my fears were for nothing, as he wasn't even thinking of me all these months anyway, since he was with someone new. I feel tired right now and want to lie down. At the same time I'm somewhat relieved to not be wondering where I stand with him.... it's a combination of relief and pain and disappointment, as well as happiness to have the offer of friendship from someone I've missed greatly. Now I have so many things pent up that I've wanted to talk to him about over the last year, but I know that I will require myself to maintain boundaries strictly as I don't want to say anything other than platonic to him (since it would be wrong since he's in a relationship). I wish to talk to him on the phone and hear his voice again, but I think I shouldn't do that - as it wouldn't be right to the other girl... and if I write emails to him, they should be short and I should write to him in a platonic way as if she was also reading the email as well. It's too bad that I never got my chance though... since he was separated when I met him, and now in a relationship when I meet him again. Oh well. I'll be okay. I just found this out so I'm still processing.
Patrice Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 My advice - move on with your life. Find some people who want and appreciate you - they're out there. Sounds to me like you're not over it and he is .. and now your dignity has been hurt.
Author gd26 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 I'm doing much better today. Yesterday I was just a bit stunned to find out the news. My fantasy of the last 15 months was burst into pieces. I'm disappointed, but at the same time relieved to no longer be waiting for him. After being stuck in the mud over him so long, I am free to be with whoever I want... and I almost don't know what to do with all my options now. I have been getting to know men much better as friends (as until this year I hardly ever had any male friends who I wasn't romantically involved with). So I think it's been good for me to get to know guys platonically... as I have a much easier time chatting with guys and hanging out with them than I did when I was in contact with him. As far as meeting someone new, it's hard to imagine who the right person for me is anymore. I'll just take things day by day and see what life offers me.
Recommended Posts