Soulmind Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Hello to LS... instead of crying, I thought to unwind my frustration here! I've just been dumped...again! I mean, after trying dating some guys...and even I did the multi-dating thing to not put all my eggs in one basket...and after decide for one guy that I like... well, he just told me that he was having an "uneasy" feeling with me and was better to let go and say bye... Oh my, and I was already developing feelings for him! The interesting story is that at the start of our dates he was very emotional, and demanding. He said that I was being cold (I was just taking the things slow) and we were in different pages (emotionally),that he had feelings for me, etc...after he saying that, next day he backed off. I thought that maybe I was needing to be more responsive: I decided to change, to dive into the relationship, being nicer, be there for him, more affectionate etc... then he changed the tables, I was the one asking for more affection and he said that he could never managed to get rid of his "unease" feeling.. he was cold and flakey, I asked today what was happening and he very relaxed DUMPED ME ... I'm sooo disappointed and sad! Tomorrow is my birthday and this is happening to my at the eve of it.... if the guys are not cheating on me, they are flakey or rude... Help me figure out what I'm doing wrong!
Jaytb Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Hello to LS... instead of crying, I thought to unwind my frustration here! I've just been dumped...again! I mean, after trying dating some guys...and even I did the multi-dating thing to not put all my eggs in one basket...and after decide for one guy that I like... well, he just told me that he was having an "uneasy" feeling with me and was better to let go and say bye... Oh my, and I was already developing feelings for him! The interesting story is that at the start of our dates he was very emotional, and demanding. He said that I was being cold (I was just taking the things slow) and we were in different pages (emotionally),that he had feelings for me, etc...after he saying that, next day he backed off. I thought that maybe I was needing to be more responsive: I decided to change, to dive into the relationship, being nicer, be there for him, more affectionate etc... then he changed the tables, I was the one asking for more affection and he said that he could never managed to get rid of his "unease" feeling.. he was cold and flakey, I asked today what was happening and he very relaxed DUMPED ME ... I'm sooo disappointed and sad! Tomorrow is my birthday and this is happening to my at the eve of it.... if the guys are not cheating on me, they are flakey or rude... Help me figure out what I'm doing wrong! honestly that sounds awful. You should thank him for dumping you.
lammie Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 They always somehow know when to break up before birthdays, on valentines day, or just before any festivities, do they! Not sure what to tell you here, I'm sorta in the same boat as you... Things were moving really fast, we slept together too soon... now I think he's losing interest (or i'm dreadfully thinking that way anyway). I have many others interested in me, even my ex gets in contacts but I'm only interested in him at the moment. Is that bad timing or just bad luck? I dunno what it is... ps. happy birthday!
Author Soulmind Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 honestly that sounds awful. You should thank him for dumping you. Do you really think that? That is what I need to hear now! I need to get rid of this horrible feeling in my stomach! Maybe you are right... You know? He had the coldness of telling me: "Don't worry, after hanging up, you'll be thinking how a bad person I am and you'll start to feel better..." I thought... Whaaaat??
Javelin Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Help me figure out what I'm doing wrong! You're not doing anything wrong. It's just for some unknown reason, you're having bad luck with us guys! Just don't lose hope, because eventually you will land someone that will treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
Author Soulmind Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 They always somehow know when to break up before birthdays, on valentines day, or just before any festivities, do they! Not sure what to tell you here, I'm sorta in the same boat as you... Things were moving really fast, we slept together too soon... now I think he's losing interest (or i'm dreadfully thinking that way anyway). I have many others interested in me, even my ex gets in contacts but I'm only interested in him at the moment. Is that bad timing or just bad luck? I dunno what it is... ps. happy birthday! Lammie, I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through something similar...I don't get guys!! And you?? And I know is nothing to do with my appeareace, personality..etc... all of that is good. Is that I can't be different! I'm always nice and trusty! And when I find a nice guy, I think : Finally! and then...Booooom! Surprise, he was not that nice! And yes you are right...Always before a great day. You know what he said? He said: "And I wish you a fantastic Birthday tomorrow" Really? I don't think I'll feel that great !! PS Thanks for the Happy B'day!
Author Soulmind Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 You're not doing anything wrong. It's just for some unknown reason, you're having bad luck with us guys! Just don't lose hope, because eventually you will land someone that will treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. Thank you Javelin, that is going to be my birthday wish!
lammie Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Lammie, I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through something similar...I don't get guys!! And you?? And I know is nothing to do with my appeareace, personality..etc... all of that is good. Is that I can't be different! I'm always nice and trusty! And when I find a nice guy, I think : Finally! and then...Booooom! Surprise, he was not that nice! And yes you are right...Always before a great day. You know what he said? He said: "And I wish you a fantastic Birthday tomorrow" Really? I don't think I'll feel that great !! This time around I even had my new tactic of not attempting to dress up for any of my dates even! I'm quite a fashionista usually. Some dates didn't work, but he saw through that... *sigh* I'm hoping it's just because of my insecurity and lack of hope. Are you too trusty? Because I find myself too trusting before and always end up getting hurt. I was once actually got dumped ON Valentine's day! Blargh!
Author Soulmind Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 I was once actually got dumped ON Valentine's day! Blargh! Really?? Oh no! That is horrible!.. Yes I trust too much, I never think someone can have bad intentions...Oh gosh, I'm so naive sometimes! This guy was so elusive, because everything was pointing out that he was sensitive, lovely etc... but, he dumped me at the end. Unbelievable. If I could know What I need to change would be great! Sometimes I think that they don't really like a genuine, nice girl. I'm soo confused. I think in your case for being intimate so soon, it hurts more. I was lucky enough to dating him for a month, (he asked me to be his girlfriend last week) and we didn't get intimate. Almost. But still, I developed feeling for him, It will take me awhile to stop thinking of him. (mostly because my ego is hurt) Have you tried to talk to him? I was having this "intuition" feeling that never fails, and that is why he answered me what was happening and told me bye..
lammie Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Sometimes I think that they don't really like a genuine, nice girl. I guess, it's the same that women always goes for the "bad boy"? I can't help but wonder if we're all just emotional masochists? Have you tried to talk to him? We've talked of taking things slow before all this happened. He told me that he's not looking for flings, he's looking for something more. Things just sorta happened. So much for taking it slow. Otherwise, no, i haven't tried talking to him about it. I didn't want to scare him away... It's hitting on the mark of a month this weekend. I can't even hear my intuitive voice any more!
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Gees, the guy has issues. Thank God he bailed before you got more invested. I'm not trying to sound cold - just being honest.
Hkizzle Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 The guy is probably a narcissist. He took it personally that you weren't all over him, so wanted to get revenge by turning the tables, making you into him then punishing you for it. Your statement "I have bad luck" and "there seems to be no good men" are the most common statements made by women. First of all there's no such thing as bad luck, just better strategies. Bad luck implies a person is hopeless and has no control over their situation. Second of all, when women say there are no good men, they are never speaking the entire truth. What they mean is there are no decent looking, interesting, confident, not needy, not weird, funny and fun men.......that happen to be nice. Unfortunately most of the outgoing guys are jerks, because they abuse their power and try to have sex with as many women as possible. So there's a shortage of outgoing, interesting, nice guys. 100% competing for 10% of men creates the illusion there are none around. There's two solutions to your problem, either lower your standards and pick a less outgoing nice guy which few women want to do, or get good at filtering out the jerks, and at the same time raises ones own value to attract the outgoing nice guys. That's my bday present to you btw. Let you know when the book is out.
Author Soulmind Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Gees, the guy has issues. Thank God he bailed before you got more invested. I'm not trying to sound cold - just being honest. You are right... I can't believe what he just did. He dumped me yesterday, and today he sent a text wishing me "Happy Birthday" signed with a kiss. WHY??? He knows that I'm hurt and the last thing I was needing was a text from him aaargghhh!!!
lammie Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I randomly bumped into him at the park today, he came over and broke up with me. He's started seeing someone else... last week! I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but turns out my instinct was right.
Author Soulmind Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 I randomly bumped into him at the park today, he came over and broke up with me. He's started seeing someone else... last week! I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but turns out my instinct was right. Oh no lammie! I hope you are ok, ... we are better off with out them! That was so cold of him! Seems that he had calculated it! I can't deny that I'm still thinking about him (but I insist to my self it is only because my ego is hurt, not because I loved him) but I'm trying to do everything in my power to move on NOW. Funny thing is, that Thursday that was my B'day, 2 exes called me to see if we could meet up??? It won't be a surprise if in two months time, this same guy that dumped me, try to "meet up" again aargh!! Why guys after some time want to meet up again? Do they regret? Are they bored? I hope Hkizzle reads this and enlighten us Well.. we need to make a club!
bhweller Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 "I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but turns out my instinct was right. " let that be a lesson, always live in the present and go with your gut instinct. you got caught up in an illusion, and the illusion got shattered. Happens to everyone at least once. since it is happening to you over and over then it means you need to learn a lesson.
lammie Posted September 20, 2009 Posted September 20, 2009 Why guys after some time want to meet up again? Do they regret? Are they bored? Mostly because they want the attention. Because we used to feed him attention and when we don't any more, now they want it again. Feeding their egos. Sure, they might have been thinking of us and perhaps do regret it. Who knows. But do WE want to go down that road again? Heart says yes, head says no. My pass guy keep contacting me recently after not speaking to for 4 months, now i've moved on, he keeps messaging. When this guy broke up with me, he went on to say that he shouldn't really be seeing anyone anyway because he's still not over his ex. But so he's seeing this other girl whom he's just met last week instead. I know i'm better off without this one and it's his loss, but it's still disappointing that I have put my feelings out there. After my 4 year crap with another guy (which i've posted before) as i decided to move on, it took me a lot to be out there again. I'm not looking for "the one" right now, but someone more than one month at least. "I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but turns out my instinct was right. " let that be a lesson, always live in the present and go with your gut instinct. I didn't want to label every guy that i'm going to be with automatically an ahole, y'know? I knew we've slept together too soon and things were moving way too fast, and I'm always against that idea of having sex too earlier on (we've discussed about that before and he knows my moral and values on this), things just happened this time with him. Even if i've waited 3 months, if he's set out to be a player, he would still be one and I would have still be played.
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