jennie-jennie Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 What hurt me the most when I discovered that my SO had had an EMR during my pregnancy, was the fact that many of our mutual friends knew but had not told me. That hurt more than anything else. To not have a clue while being lied to to no limit, when everybody else knew. Her husband is a friend of yours, right? As such you should talk to him and make sure he knows as much as you know. That is my opinion.
65tr6 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Is he remorseful ? Is he really shocked by what he did to you ? Is he blaming you for the affair ? Has he taken total responsiblity for what he did ? Anyway, I sent an anonymous email to her H after Dday...just saying I thought you should know your W has been having an A for the past 8 months. That was it. You should have called her husband or better met him in person and exposed the affair back then...oh well. That did not happen. So, would you advise I just let it go, or blow this thing up all over again? This is a tough one. I don't like idea of exposing if the spouse is really remorseful. Watch your husband like a hawk. Any slight misstep on his part, get ready to expose. This time not as anonymous but as YOU - someone who won't put up with this charade.
freestyle Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 BBM Like me, lol. Last year, I seriously fantasized about putting a full-page ad in our local newspaper (very small town), complete with decorations, maybe doves in the corners, with the date of first contact and "Happy Anniversary H and OW" in huge letters, "from, my name" at the bottom. I could never have done it because it would have hurt my kids, but it was funny to think about. Eeyore, You`re right, it's probably best that that you didn't put that in print... ..but I like the way your mind works..........Wow.
Owl Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 OK, just to lighten the mood in here, I figured I'd post some 'revenge' suggestions I've given a few times here on LS (but couldn't seem to find my old posts on this anymore). First off...get all the info you can on "OP". Often easier than you'd think, if you're any good at cross-referencing facts and talking with people. For example, I had OM's work email address, his first name, and I some of his character's names from an online game he played. I knew he lived near his work from conversations he'd had with my wife. So, I did a little internet snooping, and got the name of the company he worked for from the email address. Once I had that, I got a phone # to HR. Then I called and talked to an admin...and got tons of information on him. Full name, work phone #, generally what time he came in and left work, etc... Full name and city location of his work (he lived near) got me his home phone number and address. That information cross referenced in the area's court records got me information on his divorce several years prior. A chat with that same admin again got me a casual description of his truck. So...for the fun part. Here's what I wanted to do... Wait til a nice, screaming cold weather system was in his area...and then call the local utility companies (from a payphone), tell them that I was him, I was moving, and could they please shut my utilities off sometime after noon on this upcoming Friday. (Even better if he's out of town over that weekend, so the pipes freeze). The beauty of this is that they won't turn his stuff back on til Monday...and might even charge him reconnect fees! Next, call a garage in his city...on the other side of the city. Tell them that you're him, your truck is broken down at so and so (his address), and that you need them to come tow it and figure out what's wrong. You know he's sucking up a bill on that one... Since I had his email address...what would be wrong with subscribing him to a couple of hundred "free pron" sites??? After all...it's only his work address, right? It's a good thing I'm a "nice guy" and would NEVER, EVER do something like this, right? Anyway....just figured since the subject of 'revenge' came up, this would be a good bit of humor for everyone to contemplate.
NoIDidn't Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 I would tell. And I wouldn't care how anyone else perceived my motive for doing so. If she was a friend, then it stands to reason that you were friendly with him too, right? So you should tell him, is my view. I like what Silk said, but it really is only an assumption that is being used to keep one from acting in their own self interest. Not telling because I think she is suffering just seems like passivity to me. Passivity based on fear of the outcome. It is wise to choose one's battles, and this is a battle I would choose. Because when it comes out that it was your H that she was cheating with, and that you already knew about it - her H is going to hate you and feel betrayed by you. For me, that's not okay - considering I wasn't the one that actually betrayed him.
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