EYECANDY000 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 ive been dating this guy and things are going great. The relationship is still new but we have gotten to the stage of loving each other very deeply. The question came up a few days ago, and I tried to explain to him that I love him, but have not reached the "im in love with you " yet. This totally confused him. As I tried to explain it. i think the more i tried to explain it the more confused he got. and his rebuttals was " if im not in love with him yet, then why even say it" he stated that I should just say "I care for you".. Do you think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love? If so, how do I explain it to him. I also gave an example about loving different people differently. Ex. I told him that there is a different kind of love versus me loving him and me loving my mommy. and so forth and so on.
ReturnToSender Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I have to admit...I do not know the difference either. Yeah, theres a difference between loving a man and loving your mom, but hrmm...Im not even sure how I could say that to a guy if I didnt want to floor him completely LoL I gues the thing is...there is love, and then that love grows. The I love you, but Im not in love with you...is something that I tend to hear/hear about when "I want to say it so I dont hurt yoru feelings, but I dotn really love you" Either its there..or it isnt. If its there, its there...no stipulations and disclaimers. If its not there...best not to put it out there, then take it back "a little bit"...rather best to say it when its for true.
Mahatma Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my motorcycle. I am in love with my girlfriend. ...maybe my motorcycle too. There is a huge difference between love and in love in my opinion. I would not say "I love you" so a girl I was in a relationship with unless I was in love with her though. I do not know why I feel that way, I just do. Maybe this is why he is confused?
Lish Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my motorcycle. I am in love with my girlfriend. ...maybe my motorcycle too. There is a huge difference between love and in love in my opinion. I would not say "I love you" so a girl I was in a relationship with unless I was in love with her though. I do not know why I feel that way, I just do. Maybe this is why he is confused? men......
Nemoralis Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 men...... Um...I'm in love with my motorcycle too. And I'm a woman. Back to the point. I love my current boyfriend, even though it's a new relationship. I have chosen to love him, to commit to him, and I see a future with him. However, I have not "fallen in love" with him yet (if you consider falling in love to be those butterflies in the stomach type feelings). I think those feelings are overrated anyway. So yeah, I recognize the difference.
aerogurl87 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 ive been dating this guy and things are going great. The relationship is still new but we have gotten to the stage of loving each other very deeply. The question came up a few days ago, and I tried to explain to him that I love him, but have not reached the "im in love with you " yet. This totally confused him. As I tried to explain it. i think the more i tried to explain it the more confused he got. and his rebuttals was " if im not in love with him yet, then why even say it" he stated that I should just say "I care for you".. I agree with your boyfriend. If you aren't in love with him then why tell him you love him? I personally never tell someone that I love them unless I'm in love with them (or unless they are a part of my immediate family). Do you think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love? If so, how do I explain it to him. I think there is a difference. I love my friends, I love my family, I love my dog. I was in love with my ex boyfriend. Big difference. Loving someone is caring for them deeply and being in love with someone is caring for them deeply but on a level that is both emotional and romantic. So I must ask, do you not feel that strong romantic connection with him yet?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 " if im not in love with him yet, then why even say it" he stated that I should just say "I care for you".. Do you think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love? If so, how do I explain it to him. I totally agree with him on this point. If you're not IN LOVE with him, I don't think saying "ILY" is appropriate at this stage. I think "I care for you" is definitely more in line with what you're saying you feel for him. You care for him a great deal, and that can feel loving...but to say "ILY" to somebody you are romantically involved with, IMO, means you are IN LOVE with them.
Hkizzle Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Explain to him that a person can say "I love chocolate cake" or "I love bananas" Then tell him, see "I love your chocolate banana". He'll get the point then.
Solomon34 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my motorcycle. I am in love with my girlfriend. ...maybe my motorcycle too. There is a huge difference between love and in love in my opinion. I would not say "I love you" so a girl I was in a relationship with unless I was in love with her though. I do not know why I feel that way, I just do. Maybe this is why he is confused? In that matter, me too have confusion..but still i will try to differentiate There is big difference in love and being loved. loving a girl is different from loving a motorcycle. According to me love means accepting lovers mistakes and being accepted your mistakes too.where motorcycle is an object which doesn't have feelings you may have liking with your motorcycle but not love.
romeo29 Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 In that matter, me too have confusion..but still i will try to differentiate There is big difference in love and being loved. loving a girl is different from loving a motorcycle. According to me love means accepting lovers mistakes and being accepted your mistakes too.where motorcycle is an object which doesn't have feelings you may have liking with your motorcycle but not love. Absolutely true solomon34..! Great words..and thanks for those..
Zoff Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 This sounds to me like a relationship in reverse. Normally you're in love first and after a few years that becomes the caring love that it sounds like you're describing. I've never heard of it occurring in the order you are describing. It therefore makes me wonder if it will ever happen or if you've simply become comfortable in a relationship with someone who you care for as a very good and close friend but who are not truly romantically attracted to. Do you feel like you could fall in love with him? If so, what would it take?
conehead Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I know what you mean. I loved my ex in the sense that I cared for him deeply, but I was never able to fall in love with him. I did tell him ILY but I never pointed out to him that I was not in love with him. Even till this day, he doesn't know. I'm not sure if that's fair, but I don't see the point of telling him and thus hurting him at this point for me.
carhill Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 OP, if you're in a relationship and this guy is on your mind when he's not around, which means you are having this little conversation in your head about him, and this experience feels elemental to you, regardless of 'butterflies', you're in love with him. TBH, if you're having sex with this guy and telling him ILY, and then go on to explain it the way you did in your OP, you're going to drive him away as a LTR prospect. I lived that in my marriage. Never again. First whiff and buh-bye...
conehead Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 TBH, if you're having sex with this guy and telling him ILY, and then go on to explain it the way you did in your OP, you're going to drive him away as a LTR prospect. I lived that in my marriage. Never again. First whiff and buh-bye... I agree. OP, even if you feel the way you do, there is no need to explain it to your bf that way. That does nothing but hurt him and make him question you and the relationship. Don't bring it up again until you fall in love with him...then you tell him that you're in love with him.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 OP, if you're in a relationship and this guy is on your mind when he's not around, which means you are having this little conversation in your head about him, and this experience feels elemental to you, regardless of 'butterflies', you're in love with him. Oh, ****.
BentSpine Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 I agree with your partner. It's either Love, or it isn't. Anything else seems to me like trying to make it sound better than actually is, and dishonesty is my pet peeve.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 Problem? Hopefully a good problem That remains to be seen. LOL
Sam Spade Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 If a gf of mine gave me this speech, I would immediately check out of the relationship (and just use her as a friend with benefits for the free hanky-panky) . While the jury is still out on me and my current gf, our ILYs, as casual as they ar, they are at least without a qualification;
RedDevil66 Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 I never fell in love with my BF but we grew into something better which was deeper more spirital love. In love or goo-gaga love is really just a chemical reaction which helps the species procreate and survive. I've been in goo-gaga love before and it was blinding and I never really grew to love them because I was just weighed down with being "in love". Being in love and loving someone are two very different things and I would pick spiritual love anyday over being in love. But I'm much older and had my share of the goo-gaga's
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