JustMe03 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 DH and I just had our 3 year anniversary this past sunday. Monday I found emails in his "sent" folder to other men from the week before talking about having them come to the house "before [his] wife gets home," etc. This is the 4th time in 3 years this has happened. The first was a text I found before we'd even made it a year to some girl who's number he got from "Online Booty Call" asking to meet him someplace for a blowjob. he said he was sorry & he never met her, blah blah blah & he didn't want to lose me over some stupid text message. It was because we hadn't had sex in awhile. The 2nd time was shortly after we moved into our house. I was getting on the computer & he had left his email up. There were some suspicious subject lines, so I got nosey & looked at them. He had put an ad up on online booty call & was emailing people (women) wanting to meet up, giving them his cell number, so on & so on. I ripped his ass, his was sorry, same old same old. It was also because we weren't having sex often enough. I told him the next time this happened would be the last time. He understood. The 3rd time I was taking his car to work so he could take mine in for an oil change. There was an email on the passenger seat back & forth with a man! I couldn't believe it! Not only that it happened again, but with a man? The texts & prior emails had been to women. So once I got into work, I called him confronted him. He straight out lied to my face (or rather voice) & said he was pretending to be a 16 year old girl to catch predators!!! Seriously...if you're going to lie, at least make an attempt. So I told him he was obviously not doing that, because he had sent a pic of himself & told the guy which "guy" he was in the pic. Anyways, he gave me the same reason, that we weren't having sex much, blah blah blah. What really chaps my ass about the 3rd time is a couple days prior, he actually had the gall to give me an ultimatum that either our sex life got better or he was gone!! That was about 6 months ago. Which brings me to the 4th time. I'm at the point now that after re-reading what I've got down so far, I don't know why I'm even bothering. He's been getting counseling for ptsd from the military & supposedly has told the couselor about it. Now she wants to talk to me & get my take on it. I would just leave, but we've got a 1 year old little angel that I really don't want to get hurt. I'm thinking separation (trial, not legal) for about a year (with marriage counseling), then see where we are at that point. Another part of me doesn't even want to bother with that & get a divorce. I'm keeping my son as my priority in this whole mess, and kids aren't stupid...if I spend the next 50 years of my life in misery & total distrust of my husband, I think that would hurt him (my son) even more. I don't know what to do.
EcstasyX6 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 When you truly love someone, you have no desire to see anyone else I believe because that person makes you happy and feel fulfilled. A one year old is much easier to leave with than an 11 and 14 year old. At that point, they can suffer much more deeply. Younger is better IMHO.
Author JustMe03 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 He says he's never actually followed through with any of the messages, but I don't know that. Like I told him, his word really means nothing right now. He claims it's an "outlet" (his word) in dealing with his stress & the counselor apparently told him it's a "coping mechanism".
jennie-jennie Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 If it was me I would get my son out of there because I wouldn't want this man to be a role model for him. I say get a divorce, it is in both yours and your son's best interest.
jennie-jennie Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Your husband sure has been sloppy. It is almost as if he wanted to get caught.
KikiW Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Take your kid and go. It won't get any better, he's lying through his teeth, and if this is what you found, imagine what you haven't seen! You need to keep yourself safe and get yourself tested for STDs. And yes, it is much easier to leave now with a 1 year old than with a 4 year old, or 7 year old, or 15 year old. Earlier is better. You told him after the second time that anything else would cause you to leave. You're on your 4th time. You know what he's doing? Laughing his @$$ off at you because you don't mean what you say. You are just going to stick around because he can try feeding you crap about catching pedophiles online or whatever lie he can come up with. Show him you mean what you say, that you have a backbone of steel, gather the evidence, and get thee to a lawyer!
whichwayisup Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Your husband has some issues, as well as his PTSD that needs to be fixed.. If you love him and want to give your marriage one last shot, do counselling, together and apart. Atleast this way if it doesn't work out, you'll know you gave it your best. But, if you feel separation or divorce is the best thing for you and your son, do it.. No regrets.
mungosmum Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 DH and I just had our 3 year anniversary this past sunday. Monday I found emails in his "sent" folder to other men from the week before talking about having them come to the house "before [his] wife gets home," etc. This is the 4th time in 3 years this has happened. The first was a text I found before we'd even made it a year to some girl who's number he got from "Online Booty Call" asking to meet him someplace for a blowjob. he said he was sorry & he never met her, blah blah blah & he didn't want to lose me over some stupid text message. It was because we hadn't had sex in awhile. The 2nd time was shortly after we moved into our house. I was getting on the computer & he had left his email up. There were some suspicious subject lines, so I got nosey & looked at them. He had put an ad up on online booty call & was emailing people (women) wanting to meet up, giving them his cell number, so on & so on. I ripped his ass, his was sorry, same old same old. It was also because we weren't having sex often enough. I told him the next time this happened would be the last time. He understood. The 3rd time I was taking his car to work so he could take mine in for an oil change. There was an email on the passenger seat back & forth with a man! I couldn't believe it! Not only that it happened again, but with a man? The texts & prior emails had been to women. So once I got into work, I called him confronted him. He straight out lied to my face (or rather voice) & said he was pretending to be a 16 year old girl to catch predators!!! Seriously...if you're going to lie, at least make an attempt. So I told him he was obviously not doing that, because he had sent a pic of himself & told the guy which "guy" he was in the pic. Anyways, he gave me the same reason, that we weren't having sex much, blah blah blah. What really chaps my ass about the 3rd time is a couple days prior, he actually had the gall to give me an ultimatum that either our sex life got better or he was gone!! That was about 6 months ago. Which brings me to the 4th time. I'm at the point now that after re-reading what I've got down so far, I don't know why I'm even bothering. He's been getting counseling for ptsd from the military & supposedly has told the couselor about it. Now she wants to talk to me & get my take on it. I would just leave, but we've got a 1 year old little angel that I really don't want to get hurt. I'm thinking separation (trial, not legal) for about a year (with marriage counseling), then see where we are at that point. Another part of me doesn't even want to bother with that & get a divorce. I'm keeping my son as my priority in this whole mess, and kids aren't stupid...if I spend the next 50 years of my life in misery & total distrust of my husband, I think that would hurt him (my son) even more. I don't know what to do. I came upon this site a couple of days ago. I posted my sorry tale of finding out my husband of 31 years had been continually visiting whores for, at least 20 years!!! The pain of that knowledge is beyond comprehension & words. I wish to God, I found out about his foul behaviour when I was younger. I never wanted nor deserved a bogus marriage and neither do you. You must not waste your life with someone who is not worth your love and loyalty. I know you want it to be a lie. I know you're searching to rationalise his behaviour, PTSD ect. I think you're idea of a separation is a good one. During that time, take stock of your options. Make sure you and your child will be financially cared for. Keep in mind, that you are young, worth soooo much more, and the world is your oyster! If you feel a degree (if you haven't got one) will benefit you - just do it. It can be done, even while working full time and having a family. If that's not what you want, think of something that will interest you, will be demanding and will stretch your mind. Its frightening to take any step into the unknown, but the rewards are priceless. Once your I year trail separation comes to an end, you'll feel more fulfilled, more confident and stronger than ever - you can take on the world! With or Without him. Go for it.........
Author JustMe03 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 Well I applied for an apartment this past weekend. I told him I wanted a trial separation. He has his moments of "dealing with it", but most of the time he plays the "woe is me" game. I told him 6 months. He's planning on going to Virginia to stay with his brother, because he doesn't have anyone here he can stay with. He says he's planning on going to counseling at the VA hospital there. Unfortunately we won't be able to do marriage counseling until he's local again. We were going to try co-habitating for awhile until we were able to financially make it work in our own places, but a week of that & I can't take it, because he won't leave me the hell alone about everything. He wants answers to all the same questions & I can't give him any answers right now. Mainly because I haven't had enough time to myself to figure it out. I did tell him it all comes down to whether or not I can trust him again & that may never happen. I guess now we just wait and see what happens.
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