DustySaltus Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 True story: A few years back I met a woman at bar who was wearing jeans. We went out on a date and she slips on the sidewalk. Well, she has a prosthetic leg (below the knee) which happens to fly into the middle of a busy street. I'm SHOCKED but I run to get the leg for her because I'm afraid a car may run over it. I come back to help her up and she's pissed at me because I didn't run over to her right away. The date ended weird and we never spoke again. Two Questions: Do you think its fair that someone should disclose something like this before you go out on a date with them? I'm just wondering.... Didn't I do the right thing by grabbing the leg?
ReturnToSender Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 She may have been upset more out of embarrassment than of what you did. She may also have not been quite ready to bring up the subject of her prosthetic leg...especially if it was a 1st or 2nd date... I mean like...I have an insanely huge scar on my wrist. Its not something I point out or want everyone to know the story of when I meet them. Its only when I get the feeling that this coudl turn into something that Ill bring it up. But I can assure you, the story behind it would scare off any normal healthy guy if it was one of the first things I told him about myself. So..do I think its fair to not put yourself on the table and disclose everything about yourself right from the get go of a relationship..sure. Theres nothing wrong with taking the time to decide whether or not this is someone you want share something that willl leave you feeling completely vunerable. Her reaction..its not you, its her feeling awful about what happened. Nothing to stress. Thats for her to deal with in her own time..to take the experience and learn to handle it in the future.
tinktronik Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 No I don't think you have to disclose every "little" thing right off. And yes, I personally do think if you can't tell with clothes on it is a little thing. And yes, I think grabbing the leg from the street was reasonable.
Thornton Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I think it's something that she should have disclosed, because it would be a deal-breaker for a lot of people, and not disclosing it could be construed as basically wasting people's time if they're not prepared to date someone with a disability. However I can also understand why she didn't disclose it - she wanted you to like her as a person before you rejected her purely because of the leg, and I guess that's happened a lot of times. Perhaps you thought you were doing the right thing by grabbing the leg, but I can also understand why she thought you should have picked her up first before grabbing the leg, because the person is more important than the prosthesis. I don't think you necessarily acted badly, but perhaps picking up the girl before the leg would have been more appropriate.
Mahatma Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Imagine just sitting here helpless. It is very embarrassing I am sure. I would have likely done the same thing as you though.
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