EricaH329 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 "Its called a breakup because it broken" Haha, I got that book a few years ago. I also got the book "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". Both are great books.
Author NSW768 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 reading no more mr. nice guy today is doing a lot for me. i wish i had the book 3 months ago. im really feeling good today. im still thinking about her, but in a way different way, kinda like a see you later/ill be better off way. good stuff
jaybird1043 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 NSW... You and I could not be in more of the same situation. My ex was model and too, I think I miss hew looks more than anything else. I just wrote a pro vs. con list. her pro list was nothing but her looks. I don't believe I'm this shallow, I never thought I was... The thinking about her with someone else is the same thing that ruins my day and has been since we broke up. i cannot wait unto the day I go to bed and realize I did not think about her at all... Glad you like the book, I too wish I read it some time back, oh well there is always tomorrow. A fas as being with other people, I'm just not there yet, I think that would even make me upset. God could you imagine being with a girl then crying afterwards???!!! Haha
Author NSW768 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 ok need to get this out. right now im feeling so empowered like really good. and all i want to do is tell her off. seriously i just want to write the nastiest email ever and send it to her. i feel like such a douche the way i acted at the end, but i know why she dumped me and those things are so pointless i just want to rub them in her face. tell her im moving on, she lost the best thing in her life, and blah, blah blah ill be the bigger person and wont, ill continue NC and maybe that will make more of a point. doubtful though. i really want to tell her off. im not going to do it, but **** im jacked up right now.
Author NSW768 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 NSW... You and I could not be in more of the same situation. My ex was model and too, I think I miss hew looks more than anything else. I just wrote a pro vs. con list. her pro list was nothing but her looks. I don't believe I'm this shallow, I never thought I was... The thinking about her with someone else is the same thing that ruins my day and has been since we broke up. i cannot wait unto the day I go to bed and realize I did not think about her at all... Glad you like the book, I too wish I read it some time back, oh well there is always tomorrow. A fas as being with other people, I'm just not there yet, I think that would even make me upset. God could you imagine being with a girl then crying afterwards???!!! Haha like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall? thats a good flick to watch now also.
Author NSW768 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 i just typed out this email. im not going to send but i wanted to get some opinions on where i am and if im not moving on. "These last weeks have been very painful for me. I realized however that I cant rely on someone else for my own happiness. I have to be be happy in my career, my independence and my life. I have to be happy when I'm alone and spend more time with my friends and family. I have to work towards what I want this life to be and look forward to a future where i can be confident not relying on others. That being said, I still have very strong feelings for you. These feelings cant be described in a word as love or infatuation. They are the strongest feelings Ive had for anything, ever. I will never lose them. I'm not asking you to take me back or if you want to try again. Ive accepted and moved on. I wouldn't want to go back to what we were before because then we are just putting this off or ignoring our paths. If we do somehow find a way, it must be a new and different so that we can both be happy and successful. I just want you know how i feel and how i will always feel. If it was meant to be we will find ourselves together again someday... Nsw
PuertoRican Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 That e-mail is good, but you might wanna stay with the NC for a while longer....how long has it been?? And BTW, i love that book It's Called a Break Up BEcause It's Broken! My cousin had the book on her dresser and i read it last month and ended up buying it! I even underlined some parts to read real quick when i start to feel weak or get an urge to contact my ex. Also, jaybird made me laugh with what he said about moving on too fast!
Author NSW768 Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 well she broke up with me 2 weeks ago last wednesday. i contacted her 10 days later, we had a good talk, and then the following monday i sent the text. i guess it hasnt been even a week from this last monday. im hurting myself more i know by waiting 4-10 days and then contacting her. i was thinking (although ill prolly feel much different by then) of sending that letter months from now.
Author NSW768 Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 oh man want to talk to her so bad right now. im really freaking out. trying to put this on here instead of doing it. NC is so weird. she hasnt contacted me in awhile but does respond quick to any contact and picks up her phone. i doubt that means anything. i wonder what she is feeling right now. if she even gives a ****. im sad and i getn sadder...STRENGTH!!
logitech Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 NSW I feel your pain. My ex broke up with me 8 weeks ago. I am trying to do NC and currently I am at the 1 week mark since beforehand we had varying levels of contact for whatever reason. I know if I was to try and contact her she would be reciprocal as well. For me I guess though, I keep reminding myself that she has left me for a reason. In the end I sit here thinking about her, but then I think she probably has thought about me nearly as much. In the end, does she even care about me?? Last night I went to watch a football game with a friend, who in turn is my ex's sister's fiancee. Everything is always ok to begin with but toward the end of the night I had a moment because I found out something about my ex that I felt was such a massive shift in her character that it like it was part of the reason she left me. It's so annoying to be out having a good time then all it takes is one stupid trigger. Arrgh, sorry for venting my piece here and hijacking your thread.
Author NSW768 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 i called her. and we talked. i basically layed it down like i did in the letter i wrote above. i asked if we could meet so i could say all these things, but then just let it all out. she said she still needs time. she said shes very lonely and there is no one else ( i know her she's telling the truth) i said i dont want to be friends and i dont want or am asking you to come back (of course this is what i want) till we both can enjoy life by ourselves and be independent. we ended the convo ok, she said i could still call her and i said i probably wouldnt. but that she could call me. we said goodbye and i said i love you (i regret this) and she didnt say anything. it was like a 20 minute conversation with me doing a lot of the talking. then i texted her. i said i feel really good about that convo and then made a joke about why we broke up (because i started wearing boxer briefs and she hated them). that got her going and we texted back jokingly about a lot of things. it went pretty good ( prolly like 10 texts each back and forth basically about keeping up with our tv shows and families, with a little flirting)and then she stopped texting back but i didnt persist (bout an hour ago). i know she is probably confused and ill give her another 7-10 days b4 i say something else. now you may look on this like, dude your just setting yourself up for more heartbreak. shes giving you bread crumbs. get over her. and you may be right... and i understand that. but from studying (and i mean 100's of threads) on here i feel like this is not like a lot of these situations. Im stuck somewhere in the middle of most of these advice threads. like the ones that are like "this is why your ex aint coming back" and like 1/2 of those dont really relate to me. we didnt have a huge fight. she doesnt have another dude. we still get a long great she just got scared about living her life. and i understand even if she does come back the odds are against me. big time. but im going for it. and the being independent thing isnt a ploy to get her back. im really going to do it, for myself, get a new career, work on my life. so even if it doesnt work out im in a better place. really if we had ended it there i wouldve felt better then i did b4 with NC. im going to try. slowly. i might as well try. the pain has already been immense and id rather look back on the situation like i lost her but i gave it all i got, instead of I moved on and did NC because i wasnt sure what to do. she might want to be friends and i dont want that. im still going to try. whats a little more pain...
Author NSW768 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 i texted her last night, "i miss us on sunday nights" and she texted back "sundays are hard" breadcrumbs?
northstar1 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 My friend, I'm sorry, but it seems pretty clear that this effort you are giving is pretty one-sided You are initiating texts and she is replying - texting is a lazy man's way of communicating at a distance - it can involve little thinking or expression or even emotion You told her you loved her and she left you with silence Your subject matters were trivial - things you would talk to a coworker about. She eventually stopped replying - likely she got tired of the conversation. sorry man, but I see nothing in those exchanges that suggest she is looking for any sort of reconcilliation. So yes, these would be breadcrumbs, she's doing enough to keep you wondering and hoping (and it may not even be a deliberate action on her part) but isn't showing any effort on her part.
Author NSW768 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 i guess your right. im going to make one more push later this week. if that fails then i will move on with my head high.
northstar1 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 i guess your right. im going to make one more push later this week. if that fails then i will move on with my head high. Dude, I've been there. I tried the friendly banter with an ex after we broke up and it was met with the same sort of casual indifference. It hurt, but I realized I was worth more than what I was getting back so I stopped and went NC.
Author NSW768 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 that sucks. everything your saying is true. i feel like she still wants me but is fighting with herself over her independence. i cant sit around and wait because i think she'll find someone else. idk. i want to fight for her, show her that things can be different and to not be afriad of us... is it all in vain?
northstar1 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 that sucks. everything your saying is true. i feel like she still wants me but is fighting with herself over her independence. i cant sit around and wait because i think she'll find someone else. idk. i want to fight for her, show her that things can be different and to not be afriad of us... is it all in vain? My feeling is this man. If she undoubtedly wanted to be with you, nothing would stop her. She would literally bang down your door to tell you it was a mistake, she wants to try again etc. Actions show true intention. Sittig around and watiing will likely result in a few scenerios -You will stay in neutral, where you can't move forward with your life and be happy, yet you won't be going back to the past. -She may find someone else, and while you wait around on breadcrumbs, if/when that truth comes out you will go back to day 1. -You are basing your happiness on someone else, which is never a healthy state of affairs. Look man, we've all been there, at least for a little while. However, the choice is yours, you can play the odds she will realize the mistake and come back to you, or you can realize that it is over and it's time for you to grasp your own future and stop talking to her.
wondering_girl Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 i definitely understand how you feel, but mine is the reverse, it is my bf of 4 years that's giving me the silence answer after i've professed my love for him and how i want to work things out. it's the hardest thing to accept but we have no balls in our court now, we've given EVERYTHING to them, and i don't even know who i am anymore, it's up to them if they want us back, and as hurtful as it is i've taken my bf's silence as the end, i'm not going to lie, a little part of me is hoping that he'll have a revelation and come back but i don't want to hope for anything and then i'll end up getting crushed in the end ya know?? i've been in NC for 8 days now.. i wish i could stop counting? *hugs* NS, i hope it will get better...... it's even harder to follow my own advice
Author NSW768 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 thanks i appreciate all of this. i took the train into NYC yesterday and i actually had a moment where i just let her go. idk what was on the ipod, but tears came to my eyes and i didnt feel that bad and thought about her just being a chapter in my life. then i got sad like 5 hours later and texted her and then her response gives me false hope. going go NC. havent been able to go more then 10 days though so far. sucks.
EricaH329 Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 thanks i appreciate all of this. i took the train into NYC yesterday and i actually had a moment where i just let her go. idk what was on the ipod, but tears came to my eyes and i didnt feel that bad and thought about her just being a chapter in my life. then i got sad like 5 hours later and texted her and then her response gives me false hope. going go NC. havent been able to go more then 10 days though so far. sucks. You will go through moments of happiness, empowerment, contentment, anger, sadness, every emotion you can think of. Sometimes all at the same time. It's like a rollercoaster ride. You'll have your ups, and you'll have your downs. That's all a part of the healing process. What you are doing though is prolonging it. The longer you stay in contact with her, the longer it's going to take for you to get over her. You need to find the strength to walk away. Not contact her whenever you are at a point of weakness. It's hard, there's no doubt about that. You gotta stay strong!! Don't give in when you are at your lowest.
Author NSW768 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 so i saw her the other day. i know, i know. it was very weird. really what it showed me is A) how screwed up she is, and B) how i could take her off the pedestal. see our whole breakup went down on the phone and text, so when she actually said it was over i hadnt seen her for 3 weeks and obviously had built her up in my head and imagined she had been living it up and how great she is/was. anyway seeing her really made me realize that she is who she is and not some god. and the stuff she used to rationalize the breakup seemed extremely trite. like stuff i did 2 years ago, that really was just so obscure and stuff we had discussed ad-nausem ( i didnt like her apartment for example). she told me she spent her birthday at the same restaurant we went to this night with some 40 yr. old dude from work, (were 24) and that it wasnt like that. they are just friends. i didnt really care, i kinda just laughed it off. i could tell she's extremely confused and that if she wants to hook up with a 40 year old guy with a kid then thats weird and screwed up but absolutely her right. she also told me she is giving away all her clothes (?) and she sits in her apartment alone every night pretty much. she hugged me crying as we left and I stayed strong. i told her she was beautiful and handed her the letter i posted above with some extra parts and telling her after this its NC for me (in the letter). and that was it. i feel really good now for some reason. i guess its cause i realized she wasnt that great. like your history brings you back and produces those good memories but when i saw her I could see right through her. for what she is. and thats a lost, confused, scared girl who abandoned me because...well because she's scared. we didnt fight and we didnt argue to much. that was thing that made me so confused about this whole thing is that there wasnt any big argument or infidelity. she emailed me in the AM telling me the letter made her sad and she loves me still. and is sorry. and thats fine. i feel really better and can now start my healing properly. i dont know if it was the right thing to do. u guys will probably tell me it wasnt. but i feel good now. not great, but over her and dwelling far less.
wondering_girl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 hi NS, i think you got the closure that we're all seeking here, i'm sure in the future she'll realize what she lost, but who knows, it maybe too late then you know... i'm glad to hear that you can now start healing..... *hugs*
Author NSW768 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 im not waiting for her. i really am moving on. it was just good to say goodbye in person. we were best friends. It was almost like u have the best friend and then they go off to college and you go off to college and you see each other at Christmas break and you have so much in common from the past but you've both kinda changed. it was sorta like that (only in the span of 5 weeks)
Author NSW768 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 the other weird thing about the conversation was when it kept getting emotional she said, " i cant feel this, i have to block it out" and like stare strait ahead. it was very strange and I could tell she (well duh) is blocking this all out and not dealing with it. which is not good for anyone. i felt sorry for her mental health when i saw this.
wondering_girl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 awesome with moving on, i wish i'm strong as you are NS.. i'm trying.. urrrgggh, that's how my last silent dinner with my ex-bf (i think?) he just stared at me and barely said 3 words... he just kept staring?? i was kinda disturbed.. here's a joke... i was like um i thought you were ready to talk? "am i being punked??" lol no i didn't say that - just trying to lighten the mood i'm still super sadddddddddddd!
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