NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 dumped me 2 weeks ago. i feel like the advice from this board is move on, you can do better, and i feel i can and feel good at points. then a thought pops into my head of her sleeping with someone else and i get so sad. like really upset. then i start thinking about having a future with her, a future without her. it all sucks. mistakes a made and **** i couldve said to not get to this level. i joined a gym and been hanging with friends but i still feel so lonely right now. i work in a single office by myself from 10-9 4 days a week and since its slow im having trouble staying occupied and find myself pining for the texts and phone calls that got me through the day. i broke NC and i sent her a smiley face the other day through text and she wrote back why did u send that? and is said "it was a mistake". idk what i expected to come from it and am now mad b/c i hadnt talked to her since the spilt and to break NC for that was worthless. i cant believe im still pining...i think i just needed to vent i guess.
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 ya know just writing this out made me feel a lot better.
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 My ex occasionally pops into my head also. It's hard and it sucks... but when that happens I try to remember all the bad things about our relationship and how much better off I really am. It's easy to get consumed in what could have been, or the thought of all the good times you once shared... but it's not constructive. The harsh reality is that you aren't together anymore. Whatever you once had, you don't now. Whatever plans you may have made together, are no longer going to happen. Once you come to accept that, it'll be much easier to feel better about the situation. It is hard to get out of your normal routine with a person you were once with, that's completely normal. But instead, find something else to occupy the time that you once had with them. While sitting at work, instead of pining for the phone call or text that will not come, if you are that bored, play solitaire, tetris, do something. Replace those moments with something of your own. Routines are not easy to break, but once they are broken... or replaced with something else... that becomes your new routine. Losing someone isn't easy. No one expects it to be. But you were alright before them, and you will be alright without them. The only difference now is that you have all the experience from that relationship under your belt. Whether you realize it or not, you have taken something away from that relationship. Whether it's the fact that you now know what you want out of a person, don't want out of a person, or just merely the fact that you now know you can love someone as deeply as you have. It sucks. It's hard. But pining away for someone who isn't coming back, who is gone, just delays the process of moving on. You need to sit down, get a good cry out, pick yourself back up, and move on with life. We all go through it at some point in time. And everyone comes out alive, and more aware. Let yourself get over this. You are the only one holding yourself back.
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 i moving on a lil bit everyday. i dont even bring the phone to work anymore just to avoid temptation.
jv032889 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 i moving on a lil bit everyday. i dont even bring the phone to work anymore just to avoid temptation. I've been without a phone for nearly two months! It does help the temptation. I never believed the saying " only time will tell". I can say now that time does ease the pain. Eventually, you will notice that you think less of ur ex. Give it a few months and you will be okay:love:
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 the one thing i cant get over and u guys gotta help me with this, was her beauty. she was a model for a bit and was just the most beautiful woman i had ever seen. i used to love walking into a room with her and the whole place would stop. i know its so ****ing shallow, and i shouldnt be empowered by someone else s beauty but i feel like im never going to see someone as beautiful being a part of my life again. the girls im meeting lately just dont stack up and its sad but im just trying to be honest.
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 i guess there are a lot of fish in the sea...
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 the one thing i cant get over and u guys gotta help me with this, was her beauty. she was a model for a bit and was just the most beautiful woman i had ever seen. i used to love walking into a room with her and the whole place would stop. i know its so ****ing shallow, and i shouldnt be empowered by someone else s beauty but i feel like im never going to see someone as beautiful being a part of my life again. the girls im meeting lately just dont stack up and its sad but im just trying to be honest. now that i read that aloud i feel like such a pathetic tool. who cares if she was hot. there's lotsa hot girls out there. get over yourself...and her
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 To be quite honest, finding someone else, or even the thought of finding someone else... should be the farthest thing from your mind. I felt like that too for awhile, that I would never find another person that matched up with him. Looks, personality, the works. But as i'm learning to move on, i'm also learning that it doesn't really matter if I do or if I don't. I'm going to be happy and content with myself, and that comes first and foremost. Once you have that down, everything else will fall into place.
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 thats good stuff right there. i just see all these happy couples around me (friends and family) and you feel like a reject and you just dont want to be alone.
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 thats good stuff right there. i just see all these happy couples around me (friends and family) and you feel like a reject and you just dont want to be alone. That, again, goes hand in hand with being happy and content with yourself. You'll be alright alone. As a matter of fact, right now, and anytime in the near future, you are going to be much better off alone. You need this time to focus on yourself. As far as the other couples go... not all relationship is what it seems. All relationships have their problems. But even so, you know how happy couples become happy couples?? By learning to be happy on their own first. If you aren't happy with yourself, getting into a relationship will only make you feel as though the other person can make you happy, and without them, you aren't happy. Not the way to go. No one should define you. You define yourself. Think about it.
PuertoRican Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I was reading what you've said so far and it seems like you have a lot of great advice. I was wondering if you could read my post and leave me a reply. Thanks in advance. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t202218/
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 That, again, goes hand in hand with being happy and content with yourself. You'll be alright alone. As a matter of fact, right now, and anytime in the near future, you are going to be much better off alone. You need this time to focus on yourself. As far as the other couples go... not all relationship is what it seems. All relationships have their problems. But even so, you know how happy couples become happy couples?? By learning to be happy on their own first. If you aren't happy with yourself, getting into a relationship will only make you feel as though the other person can make you happy, and without them, you aren't happy. Not the way to go. No one should define you. You define yourself. Think about it. im really glad you wrote this. i keep going out and meeting girls and getting numbers but i cant get myself to the point of doing anything. i think somethings wrong with me, but its really that it is just way to soon. i really have to deal with ME right now.
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 im really glad you wrote this. i keep going out and meeting girls and getting numbers but i cant get myself to the point of doing anything. i think somethings wrong with me, but its really that it is just way to soon. i really have to deal with ME right now. That's a common misconception. Just because you are going out and getting numbers, doesn't mean you need to date, or act on any of it. You just aren't ready, plain and simple. There's nothing wrong with that!! I'm not ready either, and I actually see that as a blessing. I finally have time for myself, to better myself and focus on what needs to be done to make myself happy. You need time for yourself. That doesn't mean no one wants you. Obviously. I'm sure there are a ton of girls that would love to be with you. But that's not what's important right now. Neither of us are ready for that sort of thing, try to see that as a good thing!! We don't need other people to make us happy... we have ourselves!! Once you find your own happiness, you'll realize that finding a relationship isn't a necessity anymore. You'll be doing great on your own!!
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 also the whole hooking up thing, is kinda like, well maybe she is hooking up with someone right now, so i should be. although that doesnt make sense at all it somehow rationalizes in your brain. im actually like 90% sure she isnt but u never know and that **** eats you up inside.
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 idk about that. i acted like a pycho there at the end
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Getting her back shouldn't even be an option right now. And as far as her hooking up with other people, who cares?? She's not your problem anymore!! If someone else wants to take on the trouble of being with her, then more power to them! You are much better than all of this. All you are doing by thinking of her hooking up with other people (and I know this from experience) is torturing yourself and causing more pain upon yourself. Why would you do that?? Focus on what's most important!! Getting you back to normal, if not better than you were before!! Just the simple act of thinking positively and optimistic will make a world of difference!
Author NSW768 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 to be honest i really dont even remeber who i was b4. that was 3.5 years ago and i was a way different person
EricaH329 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 to be honest i really dont even remeber who i was b4. that was 3.5 years ago and i was a way different person That shouldn't be an issue either! You don't have to go back to the way you were before, I would actually discourage you from returning to the way you were before. Make yourself into someone that you want to be!! A better person! Everyone has something they could work on, you will never become perfect, but you will become someone that you are happy with!! You'd be amazed at how much better you will feel once you start accomplishing the things you want to get done, including focusing on yourself and who you want to be. It's a great feeling, a feeling that no one else could ever offer you. Once you love yourself, you'll realize what you've been missing out on.
Author NSW768 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 guy just walked into my work. after some small talk he said what time you been here since? i told him and he said "it must get pretty lonely" i almost cried right there. it was pretty intense. so weird my emotions right now. all over the place cause 10 minutes ago i was thinking she just lost the best thing in her life and feeling was pretty good.
EricaH329 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 It's never easy getting over someone. One day you might feel great about it and yourself, and the next you might be back to square one. It's a rollercoaster ride that you need to be prepared for. It seems to me, though, that when you are at your lowest, you tend to wallow in it. Why do you do that? Those are the times when you should be the most optimistic. Yes, you are lonely. Yes, you miss her. But come on! We are all lonely at some point, don't let that drag you down!! It's hard to help someone when it seems like they don't want to get up off the ground. It's a lot of weight for anyone to carry, but you can do it! You are no less than anyone else. We've all done it, so can you. Pick yourself up! Get ahold of yourself!
EricaH329 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude. It just sounds like you need someone to give you a little tough love. If all other people are doing is giving you sympathy, after awhile, you start to think that you are a victim. I understand your pain. I just broke up with my ex fiance not even a week ago. This was the second, and last chance for both of us. It kills me! But... I know i'm a strong person. I know I have a lot to offer myself, and i'm not going to sell myself short because of another human being. Yes, I loved him very much, we were going to get married!! But he does not make me who I am. He will not ruin my life. He will not determine what mood I am in, and when. He does not deserve that. You owe it to yourself to start becoming a better you and pushing away from all the negative thoughts in your life.
jaybird1043 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I'm in the same boat bro, I downloaded "Its called a breakup because it broken", its for girls mostly but you can apply alot of the ideas and it will make you laugh at yourself! Also, check out the forum on No More Mr Nice Guy, its been a tremendous amount of help and I bought the book too. Work on you, being with someone else is like putting a bandaid on a broken bone! You are not alone...Trust me! Check out some of my other posts just from a few days ago, I was really bad and still kinda am but slowly getting better.
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