New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I've already made my decision; I'm just curious about other people's take on this. I only have a handful of guy friends, and my bf has only met one of them (who is not the topic of this situation). The primary reason for this is distance - they're friends from school or whatnot and don't live near us. I'm currently up north for a couple weeks, close to where my school friends are located. This one guy friend just randomly made a last minute decision to go on a little road trip - his brother is taping a pilot for a major tv station and he wants to be there - dinner/drinks, the taping, crashing overnight and returning in the morning. Would you go?
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I would not go. Drinks and crashing overnight = not cool in my book. Especially since he doesnt know this guy.
Thaddeus Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Would you go?No. If the shoe were on the other proverbial foot - that is, if your man decided that on an out-of-town trip he'd be getting together with a female friend of his to go out drinking and then crashing - would you be OK with it?
tomtom26 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 From the sound of it, it seems you've already made your decision to go, and are looking for people to confirm your decision, which you probably feel is a bit wrong itself. I know you might want to go because it'll be fun and interesting, but I think your gut is telling you that it would look kinda shady and that if your BF found that, you would have some major explaining to do. If your relationship is something you cherish, I would either not go, or talk to your BF about it before you do.
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 My decision was not to go. I'm just curious about other people on here, because often when I'm reading other people's threads and posts it seems like they have such different boundaries from mine. I find it interesting.
kizik Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I've already made my decision; I'm just curious about other people's take on this. OK, so I don't need to read this then.
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 From the sound of it, it seems you've already made your decision to go, and are looking for people to confirm your decision, which you probably feel is a bit wrong itself. I know you might want to go because it'll be fun and interesting, but I think your gut is telling you that it would look kinda shady and that if your BF found that, you would have some major explaining to do. If your relationship is something you cherish, I would either not go, or talk to your BF about it before you do. If I had decided to go, or if I really really really wanted to go soooo badly and was seriously considering it, my bf would have been getting an immediate phone call at work! I definitely wouldn't try to keep it from him. I do think it would've been a really cool experience though.
Trialbyfire Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 No, I wouldn't go, even though I think of my close male friends as brothers. The only way I would go, is if my fiance could join me.
tomtom26 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 My decision was not to go. I'm just curious about other people on here, because often when I'm reading other people's threads and posts it seems like they have such different boundaries from mine. I find it interesting. haha, good choice!
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 haha, good choice! I agree I just see a lot of my friends (in their 20s) making "mistakes" like this - they would go in a heartbeat (and yeah, most of them would pitch a fit if their bfs did it); even my own bf, as a 30-something, seems to have issues related to boundaries still. It just seems selfish, self-centered, etc. to me. But, a lot of people don't see this kind of action as a mistake. And to be honest, one reason I'm curious is the responses to someone else's thread about someone's bf insisting on buying some woman drinks during a layover. To me that's similar to this situation, except that it's a friend and definitely only platonic. I seem to see threads/posts like that fairly often, but that's a recent one.
Hop_prophet Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I think you made the right decision and its obvious that you value the relationship. Its best to avoid these type of situations in serious relationships especially when alcohol and over night stays are involved. This can open up a huge can of worms later on even when it is completely innocent. My gf has done lesser but similar things on several occasions when I was out of town and it has caused issues. I felt really disrespected and have not fully come to terms with it yet. I'm sure your bf will appreciate you even more for considering him in this way. Just out of curiosity, did you bring it up with him at all?
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 except that it's a friend and definitely only platonic Google 'ladder theory' sometime, and you might rethink that Honestly, guys almost never just want to spend platonic time with a woman. You obviously only want a friend, but him? I dunno.
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 I think you made the right decision and its obvious that you value the relationship. Its best to avoid these type of situations in serious relationships especially when alcohol and over night stays are involved. This can open up a huge can of worms later on even when it is completely innocent. My gf has done lesser but similar things on several occasions when I was out of town and it has caused issues. I felt really disrespected and have not fully come to terms with it yet. I'm sure your bf will appreciate you even more for considering him in this way. Just out of curiosity, did you bring it up with him at all? Well, I had previously mentioned to him on the phone that my friend's brother pitched a show and it was picked up by this particular station. Since it had already been set up in this way, I did tell him - just a "remember how I was telling you about xyz? Well I said no, but I was invited to the taping. Maybe if the show gets picked up we can go together sometime!" If there wasn't that background, I don't know if I would have mentioned it. I probably would have, but it just seems more awkward to be like "hey, I was invited to xyz, but I said no."
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Google 'ladder theory' sometime, and you might rethink that Honestly, guys almost never just want to spend platonic time with a woman. You obviously only want a friend, but him? I dunno. That's actually why I have only a few guy friends - and they have been very carefully selected based on many factors I like to think otherwise, but you may be right...hence just one more reason I would never put myself in certain situations.
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 That's actually why I have only a few guy friends - and they have been very carefully selected based on many factors I like to think otherwise, but you may be right...hence just one more reason I would never put myself in certain situations. Youre a smart girl. Best not to play with fire if you want to make sure you dont get burned.
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Youre a smart girl. Best not to play with fire if you want to make sure you dont get burned. Well that's you and me; other people disagree and I'm fascinated with the other side of the argument
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Well that's you and me; other people disagree and I'm fascinated with the other side of the argument It never ceases to amaze me. 'This guy asked me out for drinks, and then back to his place, and can you believe - he wanted to have SEX!' If you dont put yourself in bad situations, you wont have to deal with bad situations. Sure, there is the possibility that this guy just wants to catch up, but there has to be at least an equal possibility that he wants to have a booze fueled sexcapade lol
caramel c Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I've already made my decision; I'm just curious about other people's take on this. I only have a handful of guy friends, and my bf has only met one of them (who is not the topic of this situation). The primary reason for this is distance - they're friends from school or whatnot and don't live near us. I'm currently up north for a couple weeks, close to where my school friends are located. This one guy friend just randomly made a last minute decision to go on a little road trip - his brother is taping a pilot for a major tv station and he wants to be there - dinner/drinks, the taping, crashing overnight and returning in the morning. Would you go? Considering all the circumstances, nope.
AlektraClementine Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Haha. You had me worried NA;) I wouldn't go either. Wouldn't even have to think about it.
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 It was a no-brainer for me too. But then when I told a couple of my friends about it, they were like "What?! Why didn't you go??!" And it seems that some people on this board might feel similarly in that, it's a friend. At least I feel like I see threads/posts along these lines fairly often. Probably not from most of the regular posters though.
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I'd only go if my BF could come too! So you mean if it was a completely different situation than the one the OP described?
Author New Again Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 I am a little surprised that not one person has been like, sure why not? I guess this was much more cut and dried across the board than I thought it might be.
Star Gazer Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 So you mean if it was a completely different situation than the one the OP described? Not completely different. I just don't like the idea of a sleep over with a member of the opposite sex.
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