How should I tell my parents that im dating a guy 9 years older than me?

[melita200818]

I've just turned 20 years old, and ever since then my attraction of men is threw the roof. alot of guys alot older and a little older are contacting me. well theres this one guy who met who is 28 turning 29 in november, he is a nice guy and extremely handsome and just someone I can see myself dating (I don't mind the age at all). But the one thing im really really worried about is telling my parents about it. Like Im wondering how I should tell then and when i should tell them? and how do I get over the fear to telling them? cause im afraid of there overall reaction. tell me you guys stories of having to deal with this type of thing.

[lupa]

"Mom, dad, I've met a man who is 29 and I like him. I think there may be something there, so I plan on dating him."

[dreamergrl]

You shouldn't fear other people's reaction if you're confident in your choice.

 

Although...

 

I don't think a 29 year man has dating in mind when it comes to a 20 year old. But that's just MO

[MissJoness]

a 28 year old woman is just too old for him huh? the women in his age group don't even have wrinkles yet and he's going after you who is 20. i feel so old

[Teslacoil]

I have another suggestion. Don't date guys 9 years older than you. 90% of the time it does not work.

 

You're 20 years old, barely not a teenager anymore. I'm not 29 anymore, but I can tell you that when I WAS 29, I would have considered myself a creepy old man for even considering dating someone who was 20. 25 at the minimum.

 

29 vs 20 - you're both in completely different life stages. Plus the borderline pedophelia.

 

Tell your parents though, and if you decide to date him, best of luck to you.

[CaliGuy]

Do you need to tell them?

Why do you need their approval?

 

You are an adult and free to make whatever decisions you want to in your life. You do not need your parents approval to date someone and if it bothers them, that is THEIR problem, not yours.

[Rebellious]

meh, 9 yrs is nothing. A 20-yr old guy is unlikely mature enough for you. My average is 15-20 yrs younger.

[quankanne]

*are* you dating him at this point?

 

if not, see how the relationship goes ... if your family asks, tell them that he's a really nice guy, (list attributes) and leave it at that.

 

if it gets to a serious point, casually mention the age difference, just keep it low key. If YOU make a big deal about it, it's a red flag to them. However, if they just know "Joe, the really nice guy Melita's been dating" they're not going to look at it as an age thing, just that you're happy with him.

 

come to think of it, I never really mentioned ages to my parents when I dated ...

[CaliGuy]

I have another suggestion. Don't date guys 9 years older than you. 90% of the time it does not work.

 

Source please?

 

You're 20 years old, barely not a teenager anymore. I'm not 29 anymore, but I can tell you that when I WAS 29, I would have considered myself a creepy old man for even considering dating someone who was 20. 25 at the minimum.

 

Maturity is not determined by physical age, but by EMOTIONAL age. I have met many 29 year olds that act 16 and many 25 year olds that are at a 40 year old maturity level.

 

29 vs 20 - you're both in completely different life stages. Plus the borderline pedophelia.

 

That's the most retarded statement I've ever read on LoveShack.

 

Tell your parents though, and if you decide to date him, best of luck to you.

 

It's none of her parent's business who she dates. If they don't like it, tough noogies.

[dreamergrl]

Source please?

 

 

 

Maturity is not determined by physical age, but by EMOTIONAL age. I have met many 29 year olds that act 16 and many 25 year olds that are at a 40 year old maturity level.

 

But it's not healthy for a young person to have to mature quicker then average (which is what you are showing with the 25 who are as mature as a 40 year old).

 

A 20 year old needs time to be 20 - and will get that less being with a 29 year old.

 

 

That's the most retarded statement I've ever read on LoveShack.

 

It was only a few years ago that she was still considered a child.... What does a 29 year old need with a girl who has little life experience? Perhaps control?

 

 

 

It's none of her parent's business who she dates. If they don't like it, tough noogies.

 

I personally like for my friends and family to support who I am dating. Family is important to me, and if I wear to marry a guy I'm dating someday, he'd be part of the family too. Why harbor resentment?

[sweetjasmine]

Plus the borderline pedophelia.

 

It's not borderline pedophilia. It'd be borderline pedophilia if the OP had just hit puberty.

[aerogurl87]

Age is nothing but a number if you're at the minimal age of consent as an adult in my opinion. I'm seeing a guy who is much older than me and things are going great between us. As to telling your parents, I wouldn't tell them his age unless they ask. I remember telling my parents that I was dating a guy who was like three years older than me and they freaked out. Granted he turned out to be a jerk, but without all that information they still went crazy. If they ask, I'd casually mention his age, but if they don't I wouldn't tell them really. As long as he treats you good and you both have a healthy and happy relationship, I don't see the problem.

[CaliGuy]

But it's not healthy for a young person to have to mature quicker then average (which is what you are showing with the 25 who are as mature as a 40 year old). A 20 year old needs time to be 20 - and will get that less being with a 29 year old.

 

I'm not saying anyone should force her to grow up. Some people are just markedly more mature at a younger age than others. Some 20 year olds never feel the need to drink, party and act like a general irresponsible jackass.

 

It was only a few years ago that she was still considered a child.... What does a 29 year old need with a girl who has little life experience? Perhaps control?

 

These are ASSUMPTIONS, folks. Unless you are sitting in his/her shoes, please refrain from making blanket statements about their relationship. Why does it always have to be something negative, all the time, every time?!

 

Sheesh.

 

I personally like for my friends and family to support who I am dating. Family is important to me, and if I wear to marry a guy I'm dating someday, he'd be part of the family too. Why harbor resentment?

 

Yes, family is important. But they should SUPPORT your decisions, not chastise them, as long as they are not detrimental to your health. In other words, if the guy isn't a criminal/abuser/etc -- if he is proving himself responsible and loving, then her family should support her.

 

If they give her a hard time based on his age alone, then that's a really ignorant and "seat of the pants" decision that shows they don't care if she is happy or not.

 

They care if THEY are happy.

 

And last time I checked, they aren't dating her boyfriend. SHE is. She is the one who needs to be happy and whether they approve or not should not effect her decision either way.

 

One other thing. Our society says that at age 18 we're adults, free to make whatever decisions we want under the rules/laws we live under. If that is the case (and it is) then who is ANYONE to tell her he is too old for her?!

 

Sheesh.

[BCCA]

a 28 year old woman is just too old for him huh? the women in his age group don't even have wrinkles yet and he's going after you who is 20. i feel so old

 

Im 28, and women my age are looking for guys 35+. Its not that easy, Id love to meet someone my age, but the girls Ive had mutual interest in are all at least a few years younger.

 

And age is really nothing but a number. Some of the older women Ive met have been among the most immature and selfish brats. I would date a 20yo, personally, although my preference is someone 24+.

[dreamergrl]

Im 28, and women my age are looking for guys 35+. Its not that easy, Id love to meet someone my age, but the girls Ive had mutual interest in are all at least a few years younger.

 

And age is really nothing but a number. Some of the older women Ive met have been among the most immature and selfish brats. I would date a 20yo, personally, although my preference is someone 24+.

 

I'm 28, and steer clear of anyone over 33 these days. Well 28 in 3 weeks

 

Perhaps you're one of the few decent guys who would date a 20 year old, but from experience, not much good comes out of dating someone who's in a different place in life.

[BCCA]

I'm 28, and steer clear of anyone over 33 these days. Well 28 in 3 weeks

 

Perhaps you're one of the few decent guys who would date a 20 year old, but from experience, not much good comes out of dating someone who's in a different place in life.

 

Ive dated women older, some 8-9 years older, and some 5-6 years younger. From my experiences, there has been older women who acted like they were 15, and younger women who acted like they were 50. Age is relevant; someone can be much younger and still at the same place in life.

 

I know girls my age who arent looking for anything serious, and I know girls who are 20-21 and want to get married. Its a crapshoot, the age alone makes very little overall difference.

 

I realize that there are guys out there who date much younger women for some sort of control, but there are just as many - if not more, women who date older guys for money. Its the PEOPLE and not their age that you gotta watch

[CaliGuy]

Ive dated women older, some 8-9 years older, and some 5-6 years younger. From my experiences, there has been older women who acted like they were 15, and younger women who acted like they were 50. Age is relevant; someone can be much younger and still at the same place in life.

 

I know girls my age who arent looking for anything serious, and I know girls who are 20-21 and want to get married. Its a crapshoot, the age alone makes very little overall difference.

 

I realize that there are guys out there who date much younger women for some sort of control, but there are just as many - if not more, women who date older guys for money. Its the PEOPLE and not their age that you gotta watch

 

BCCA, that's exactly what I've been trying to say.

 

Metal age does not equal physical age and vice versa.

 

And I don't date younger women because I need some sort of control. I date younger women because I relate to them better. I do prefer younger women who are mature for their age, not 25 year olds that act 15.

 

There's always the assumptions/nay-sayers/doubters/etc that exist when something doesn't fit into their view of the world.

 

IMHO, it's your life to live. Live it as you feel best (within the rules/laws of the Country you live in) and don't EVER live your life to pleas others. That is the quickest path to failure and an unfulfilling life.

 

Do good things.

Be a good person.

Just don't live for other's approval.

 

Cheers.

[dreamergrl]

But, I think, It's much more common for a 20 year not to know what they want in life, then a 35 year old acting like a 20 year old.

[BCCA]

My opinion on this situation comes from the fact that the two most immature girls Ive ever dated were my age, and 34. Both of them acted worse than girls in 1oth grade, and had no qualms about handling things the worst way possible and being incredibly selfish; in fact one of them said something I'll never forget: 'I know Im just being a selfish brat, but thats just how I am' Wow, right?

 

I date younger women because I relate to them better. I do prefer younger women who are mature for their age, not 25 year olds that act 15.

 

I agree with you there. I tend to have a sort of immature sense of humor, and younger girls seems to get it better. And like I said, all the single girls my age that I talk to on a regular basis all want a guy who is 35+.

 

And Ive never been one to really care what other people thought. I met a girl I thought was really cool the other day, and she ended up being 18. Im not really going to all out pursue her, but if she wants to hang out or we run into each other again, Id be all for it. She was mature for her age, but still had a juvenille sense of humor, just like me.

 

If I cut down my dating pool to women who were at most 2 years below me only, Id be shooting myself in the foot for no reason.

[BCCA]

But, I think, It's much more common for a 20 year not to know what they want in life, then a 35 year old acting like a 20 year old.

 

My ex was 27, and was without a doubt the most immature woman I have EVER dealt with. Overall, you are right, but you would be surprised how many people 25+ act like they still need a date for prom

[CaliGuy]

But, I think, It's much more common for a 20 year not to know what they want in life, then a 35 year old acting like a 20 year old.

 

I'm sure it's probably more common. It's the "suggestion" that it's not possible for a 20 year old to know what they want in life or to be more mature than most other 20 year olds. I would argue that it's more common than you think.

 

The problem is putting a number or percentage on it, which IMHO is nearly impossible.

 

My opinion on this situation comes from the fact that the two most immature girls Ive ever dated were my age, and 34. Both of them acted worse than girls in 1oth grade, and had no qualms about handling things the worst way possible and being incredibly selfish; in fact one of them said something I'll never forget: 'I know Im just being a selfish brat, but thats just how I am' Wow, right?

 

So the last girl I had more than 2-3 dates with was 32. She was mature from a personality standpoint but as far as having her life together, she still lived and acted like a 22 year old. No steady job, doesn't really want to work a "regular" job, stays up all hours of the night, no real direction in her life.

 

No, she didn't do stupid childish things. But she also didn't act like a mature 32 year old either.

 

 

I agree with you there. I tend to have a sort of immature sense of humor, and younger girls seems to get it better. And like I said, all the single girls my age that I talk to on a regular basis all want a guy who is 35+.

 

Well when you hit 40, you're going to start to notice a wall. Whereas at 39 it was no uncommon for 25 year olds to hit on me, when I turned 40 that dwindled a lot. I think when I hit 41 next year it will go away for good. I think 39 is the magical age. When you hit the Big 4-0, you're tend to be viewed as washed up (no matter how good a shape you're in physically and no matter how good you look on the outside).

 

And Ive never been one to really care what other people thought. I met a girl I thought was really cool the other day, and she ended up being 18. Im not really going to all out pursue her, but if she wants to hang out or we run into each other again, Id be all for it. She was mature for her age, but still had a juvenille sense of humor, just like me.

 

Hey like I said, I have 17 year old grocery clerks hitting on me. Doesn't mean I am going for it (and I am not) but it's a nice compliment that even someone that young finds me attractive.

 

If I cut down my dating pool to women who were at most 2 years below me only, Id be shooting myself in the foot for no reason.

 

You'd pretty much cut your dating pool from 75% to about 10%. That's not good odds

 

My ex was 27, and was without a doubt the most immature woman I have EVER dealt with. Overall, you are right, but you would be surprised how many people 25+ act like they still need a date for prom

 

The that brought me here was 27 when I met her. For the first 6 months or so she acted very mature. Then all the sudden it was like she was back in high school. I couldn't stand to be around her because all she wanted to do was run wild the reckless. Not my cup of tea. My drinking/partying/sexual conquest days are over. And that's A-OK with me.

[sweetjasmine]

Perhaps you're one of the few decent guys who would date a 20 year old, but from experience, not much good comes out of dating someone who's in a different place in life.

 

I agree with this. Sometimes age doesn't matter, but sometimes it does...

[kiss_andmakeup]

My boyfriend (who I have been with for about a year and a half now) and I started dating when I was 20 and he was 31. I didn't even mention the age to my parents until they met him, because I knew once they did, they wouldn't care. And I was right. Why do you even need to mention it to them? Men tend to not look that different between the ages of 25-35 so they probably would have no idea what age he was, even if they saw him.

 

I say cross that bridge when you come to it. Why worry about it now? When it's time for them to meet, they can make their own judgements, and ones that aren't based on age. It's not like you're gonna be bringing over a guy who looks like your grandpa for dinner.

[Star Gazer]

Stage of life and chronological age aren't always one and the same.

 

I'm 28, and steer clear of anyone over 33 these days.

 

That's just silly. At your age, I'd expect most 28 year old women to be perfectly compatible with someone who's 34. When I was 28, I wouldn't date UNDER 30.

 

FWIW, when I was 20, I dated someone who was 29. Ironically, it didn't work out because I was dating him because I thought he'd be more mature. Turns out he had the maturity level of a 15 year old boy.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Perhaps you're one of the few decent guys who would date a 20 year old, but from experience, not much good comes out of dating someone who's in a different place in life.

 

That's the thing though...they're not necessarily at different places in life.

 

Many men in their 30's (or late 20's) find that women their age are gung-ho about wanting marriage and kids, when they don't necessarily feel the same way. As for me, at 22, I'm not ready for marriage and I don't think I am going to have children at all (I have my reasons). My boyfriend may be 33, but he also is not ready for marriage yet, and doesn't want to have children. He is also starting a new career path so is "starting fresh" in a way, and I, having just graduated from school, am starting my career as well. We are in very similar places in our lives.

 

To me, the only time age really creates a problem is when there's a big generation gap (i.e. "he could be her father!"), because it's likely the younger person will spend a good part of their adult life as their spouse's caretaker.