gavinus Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I have posted before so Long story/short: My ex was abusive, physically, emotionally, verbally to me. Went out 3 years, she dumped me twice. She gave me a birthday present for my Birthday, I then told her to not become a stranger, she laughed at me, and told me we should tell each other when somebody new comes into each others life. (Previously she said she would not miss me, but miss having a boyfriend and only stayed with me because she lacked the confidence to leave, and said she could have settled for me but did not want to, she did not respect me) so I returned my Birthday present to her, and said I appreciate the effort but I am returning them to keep my self respect. 24hours later she replied I respect your decision and wish you well. I was really upset because she had not treated me well but abused me and had not respected me at all so one line of text could not change that, whereas I helped her get a house, new job, clear some of her debt. So I stayed NC. Her birthday came and went, and after advice from people here and friends etc I stayed NC. So it has been 2 months of NC now. It seems so unfair . She has convinced herself she is a great person, surrounded herself with people who tell her that, and forgiven herself for her treatment of me, it seems she has won and has moved on....but the scars of her abusive treatment towards me still remain. I still remember the hurt she inflicted on me, and the way I felt. Now I feel guilt for returning her gifts. I can't tell her how much she has hurt me because I am sure she does not care...and if I were to tell her what good would that do? I am trying to move on with my life but it seems like I have lost and she has won, am feeling pretty low
Maoky Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 You're not alone. Plus, if she has people surrounding her that are boosting her ego, why not do the same? You have your own friends and family, you have self-respect; start treating yourself to what you deserve. Trust me, you do NOT want to break NC if you're still recovering. I was desperate for my ex to talk to me again, 'cos we've only uttered a few "hey how are you"s since the break up, and unfortunately, about 10 minutes ago, she messaged me. I was so grateful for maybe, a split second, but it was so painful responding and trying to have a normal conversation with her. I had to cut off the conversation early, and now I feel like I've gone back to the stage where I'm hoping she wants me back. Do yourself a favour, and go out, exercise, do something, but don't break NC, unless it's just a short simple gesture of hello or something if you happen to pass them by. You said it yourself, your ex was abusive and hurtful towards you. YOU deserve better.
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