BigTenInchRecord Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Alright, so I'm new here, and I'm sure my story has been heard hundreds of times and I honestly just need to write some stuff out, but any feedback would be appreciated, because I really don't understand what happened here. **Oh and sorry I didn't realize this would get so long, but if you wanna know the jist, just know I was in a seemingly fantastic committed relationship (still relatively new, about 8 months, 4 months official), and then go down to about paragraph 3, where she went on a trip** So basically, I met this girl last November at my university. I'm a few years older, but same grade (I took time off). We'd been in a few of the same classes, but I didn't ever talk to her til about a month before the semester ended. We became friendly pretty quick though, and the 4-5 times we chatted before winter break were quite flirtatious but also intriguing. Let me just say that this girl is absolutely gorgeous. Apparently she'd been eyeing me all semester, but just didn't know how to break the ice. So as you can see, I was digging this girl and decided to keep up contact over winter break, just to see where it went. So after talking a few times through facebook, we advanced to phone chats and chatting on AIM, which I actually only started using again to chat with her. We kept up contact pretty frequently, and eventually one drunken phone call led to us both knowing we were into each other. So we keep up contact for the rest of break, and the first day school was back we met out on the town, and let's just say things went good. Both very excited to see eachother even though we'd only talked in person a few times. Took it kinda slow the next few days but we saw a lot of each other and spent a lot of time together, mainly just making out and talking and whatnot. So eventually it progressed, became more physical and emotional, but we still took it very casual. After about 3 months of this around March or April one drunken night out we both confessed we loved each other and wanted to be official. So basically things were great, we had a lot in common, always hung out, great physical relationship, strong attraction, the works. We virtually never fought, it was actually kinda strange. We were both extremely nice to other, and gave each other tons of space. She went out with her friends all the time, I saw mine. And we still had tons of time to spend together, and lots of love. So things were great, and of course summer break comes on. She was pretty upset the last few days knowing we were gonna be a few hours apart, but we vowed to see each other every 2 weeks. For the most part, we kept that, and saw each other for like 3-4 days at a time about 6 or 7 times. Now every time we saw each other things just were better and better. She genuinely seemed to love me, and told me she did all the time. I've never seen a girl more excited to see me, and more depressed to part with me then her. We both got along great with our families, and apart talked on the phone pretty much every day for 30 minutes to 2 hours. Now all along she would constantly talk about how she couldn't wait to get back to school. She got a new apartment and had me help her furnish it, cause she said I'd be over there all the time. She complained that she shoulda worked in the town our college was (I lived locally), and said next year she def would. Basically a lot of talk like this would come up about the future, and she seemed very sincere. So anyway, the last time I saw her was about 3 weeks before school started, and a week later she had a trip abroad lined up with a huge group of students. Before she went she kept saying how she wasn't really looking forward to it, even made jokes about me worrying that she would run off with a foreigner. All very playful. So basically the last time we saw each other, we were closer then ever, and we had enjoyed a great weekend. So we talk a few more times before she leaves then she says she'll call when she can. Now, I basically didn't hear from her at all while she was away. At first I figured she was busy or had trouble calling, then I got a bit worried. But about a week into the trip I got a email from her saying sorry her phone wasn't working, she loved me, always thinking of me, misses me, and can't wait to see me. So I thought everything was cool still, and even when she got back she called me right away. However, I noticed she was just slightly different. It was late though, I figured she was jet lagged, so I chalked it up to that. She didn't say I love you though, but then again we didn't say it every time. So I called her the next day kinda late, she didn't answer, again I figured she was sleeping. The next day she was supposed to be back in town, but I never heard from her. The day after, she texted me in the morning that she was moving in that day asking if I'd be around. I said yeah, asked her to lemme know if she wanted help. She didn't get back to me all day. Now this was odd, because every time she was in town seeing me was her priority. For instance over the summer she came to town to see a band with her friends for two nights...didn't get to her place til 2 in the morning, but still insisted I be over. So I sent her a text asking if everything was ok, I'd hardly heard from her. She called me, said yeah, she was just tired and busy, said she'll shower and call me back. But I could tell something was up, her voice was just not excited at all. She called me back later which I missed, and she texted me saying she was exhausted, and that I should come over tmrw afternoon. Same **** the next day, text me the morning saying she's got errands to run and she'll let me know when she's home. Didn't hear from her all day til 10, then I got the tired run around again, although she said if I really wanted I could come, so I said nah I'll see you tmrw, cause I was annoyed. Now I knew something was wrong, she'd been in town for two days, and made no effort to see me, and at around 10oclock both nights said she was tired, which was very early for her. I ended up asking her if something was wrong with us cause she was acting weird, and she said "I don't know I dont think so, I'm sure things will be fine when I see you, I really do miss you, we gotta talk and catch up". So I ended up seeing her the next day for like half hour before class, and she was noticeably different. Not interested to talk to me, kinda distant, talking about how she wanted to study abroad. So later that night I was like we didn't get a change to talk at all, and she responds like 3 hours later, yeah I know, sorry. So basically I tell her, we really gotta talk tmrw, no matter what. So we had class together, and then I waited around for her for another class, and then we had our talk. She burst into tears telling me how much she loved me, I thought she was gonna confess to cheating. Then she said she had a lot of time to think on her trip, and said it didn't feel right. Our personalities were too different, she feels she need to be alone, and she broke up with me. She did say she can't help but feeling she might be making a mistake, which I almost wish she didn't cause I think that gave me a twinge of hope. So basically, I got completely blindsided by this. It was honestly the last thing I ever expected to happen. All summer things were just so great, and it really did not seem like she was putting on an act if she did. She would always talk about the future with us. She gave up going to see her school friends and party with them to see my band play 3 nights and a row where she had to drive quite far to meet me(and she hadn't seen her friends much at all over summer), but it was never up in the air, she said she'd choose me always. I even remember after the 3rd night/show, we sat on the stage holding each other, and she asked me if I'd ever been in love before, and for real just looking in her eyes it genuinely looked like she loved me. The last time we visited she wanted me to come a day earlier and was upset when I left on Sunday as she wanted me to stay into the week, so she definitely wasnt trying to distance herself then. It just did not make sense to me how someone could act that way all summer, then go away for a week and a half and be a different person. The trip she went on was a program for Jewish folk, and they had to attend classes on Judaism and whatnot, so I asked if it was because I wasn't Jewish. She said it was not, which I believe cause she'd been attending similar classes at school last year while we dated. I asked if she met someone, she denied it, kinda sketchily though, like "nothing happened, nothing happened." So anyway, she broke it off, and I was pretty devastated. This was only a few weeks ago. I didn't talk to her for about 10 days, then it was her bday. I contacted her and wished her happy bday, exchanged simple how are you's and whatnot. She actually said to me, "I'm alright but I seriously have to tell you I miss you, I've been so afraid to call you blah blah" So yeah she said she misses me and loves me, but still stands by her decision, would love it if we could see each other and be friends. So again, after that I stopped contacting her. Today I saw her on campus and she came over and sat and we chatted for a few, basic friendly talk. I know this has gotten really long, so I'm gonna finish it up here. I really loved the hell out this girl, and while it's not my first relationship, I'd say it's my first true love...I'm also only 21. I would have done anything for this girl, but I'm not necessarily Mr. nice guy pushover, I am pretty easygoing though. She always had tons of guy friends but I never got jealous, I respect she has her own life. But, I will say it's also true that I never realized what I had til it's gone, but it could just be that I really miss the companionship of a woman, as the breakup is still fresh. I'd love to have her back, but I'm not delusional, and I'm not really trying to get her back. Honestly, I'm just trying to move on...though I hate the fact that I know if she called me to see me I'd probably oblige. Part of says though if she could change on a dime like that, I could never really trust her, and it's obvious she doesn't really love me. But anyway, I'm just baffled how a person who really seemed to love and care for someone can just become so different all of the sudden. How can one go from literally insisting on talking to me everyday all summer to not talking to me at all? I know she said she missed me, but it just doesn't make sense. And I really thought every time we saw each other things were better and better. Could I have been so wrong? I'm a pretty level-headed person, and yes I did have my doubts about the relationship at several points, but isn't that natural? It all progressed so naturally too, I'm not the type of dude that would tell a chick I love them if I didnt, and we didn't say that for about 3-4 months, so this relationship was NOT forced. By that I mean it's not like she decided to be my gf too soon without thinking about it, cause we saw each other for a longgg time before being official, but were still kind of a couple, just unofficial, you know? Yeah, so I don't know, this stuff is just mind boggling. It sucks too cause it isn't the first chick who's seemingly turned on a dime on me, but damn, if this one doesn't hurt the most (granted the other was just after a few dates). It hurts also that I didn't mean enough to her for her to wanna talk to me about how she was feeling, and not even really give me a chance to see her and hang out, or maybe give the relationship a little time, hoping things would be back to normal when we were together again. It also sucks cause when I saw her today she just looked so goddamn beautiful, and it's frustrating knowing I had that, but lost it as quick as I found it. It's hard to think I'll ever be able to find a girl as easy-going, sweet, talented (she sings), and beautiful as her...not to mention her body! Sorry again for the length, I wouldn't be surprised if no one reads this. But if any of you people got through that, I really appreciate your time, and would appreciate some advice/ thoughts even more.
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