AnswersPls Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Hi Guys. My ex and I have broken up about 3 months , no longer in contact. But I am still in contact with his close group of friends. We have been together for 4 years. So I am very close to his friends' wives (girl gang). But, when there is a big occasion, like birthdays etc, its either me or him who joins. I feel that there is a strain to the friendship and it is getting more difficult and painful for me as I still love my ex very much. Can I seek the opinion of fellow LS members, shall i maintain or just lose this friendship. Pls help.. I am cracking my brains over this .
acd303 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 yes i meet ocasionaly with mutual friends, though it is like putting a salt on the wound My stomach feels uncomfortable when i hear about her from them, even mentioning her name races my heart... oh, well... these pains of stomped love
Author AnswersPls Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Hi Acd, In this case, are you saying that it is okay to meet up with the mutual friends? How long have you guys broken up? Are the friends superficial? Do you have such problems like awkwardness? How far do you go to maintain the friendship?
acd303 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 It is 9 months, 8 months no contact... Yes it is awkward, but i try to stay calm and not touch the subject , though they (mostly girls) always ask: do i still love her, do i have a girlfriend etc. At first months emotions led my actions, now i try to be polite because it is DONE, there is no need to talk about it . They seem to be very interested in my problems and whats going on in my life and very honest, no superficiality at all. Anyway, i guess it is ok to meet with mutual friends. Come on, these people haven't done anything wrong to you and if they are interested in maintaining a friendship with you, so why not? But you got to be strong, as you can hear about your ex something you would not like to know, and we all know these repetition of painful memories, feelings and other little hells...
Author AnswersPls Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Ya i Know.. it sucks to hell to hear about him. I am glad you are surviving strong Are you over her?.. Like really over over her? Nothing about her can impact you further?
JMA707 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Hi Guys. My ex and I have broken up about 3 months , no longer in contact. But I am still in contact with his close group of friends. We have been together for 4 years. So I am very close to his friends' wives (girl gang). But, when there is a big occasion, like birthdays etc, its either me or him who joins. I feel that there is a strain to the friendship and it is getting more difficult and painful for me as I still love my ex very much. Can I seek the opinion of fellow LS members, shall i maintain or just lose this friendship. Pls help.. I am cracking my brains over this . Yeah, I keep in contact with a couple mutual friends. Her best guy friend is one of my best friends too so its kind of hard not to haha...but it really does hurt to hear about what shes doing...sometimes i wish my friends werent her friends too, but then again, thats how we met each other...If you do keep contact with mutual friends i would try your best not to bring up anything about your ex because you might learn things you dont want to hear. I made that mistake and believe me...it hurts. Ignorance really is bliss
Darren09 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 if you still love them i know what i would do and that would be to ditch the friendship group. thats prob because i just couldnt handle hearin about them or even the risk of been in same room. but thats just me these people havent really done anything wrong but its got trouble written all over it if you ask me.
Author AnswersPls Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Hey guys, thanks for the replies. Well. its is really painful when you hear about them.. I just wanted to share that i went drinking with his friends yesterday night. And i got wasted. started crying louder and louder.. Its bad. Now i have to beg his friends to not tellmy ex what happened. Gosh. Anyway i guess they feel that its unfair to me.. So my ex's bestie is going to help me to sound him out. But I really do not wan to know or hear anything anymore . I really want to move on. But its just so hard not be around them.. HELP!! Can someone just scold me to my face and tell me Yes or NO. Stay friends or not? If not to stay friends, then what should I do and how to avoid them to make them feel that I love them, but have no choice..
acd303 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Ya i Know.. it sucks to hell to hear about him. I am glad you are surviving strong Are you over her?.. Like really over over her? Nothing about her can impact you further? I don't want to be with that person anymore, but am i completely over her? It is hard to tell, because i still think about her everyday, though memories aren't painful anymore. I know that it is cliche to say "it will get better after some time", but it is actually true:) She ended it immature, childishly so i even don't want to be friends with her and follow strict no contact. I can say what i know from my experience: breakup will make you stronger and more confident person and you deserve BETTER. Hey guys, thanks for the replies. Well. its is really painful when you hear about them.. I just wanted to share that i went drinking with his friends yesterday night. And i got wasted. started crying louder and louder.. Its bad. Now i have to beg his friends to not tellmy ex what happened. Gosh. Anyway i guess they feel that its unfair to me.. So my ex's bestie is going to help me to sound him out. But I really do not wan to know or hear anything anymore . I really want to move on. But its just so hard not be around them.. HELP!! Can someone just scold me to my face and tell me Yes or NO. Stay friends or not? If not to stay friends, then what should I do and how to avoid them to make them feel that I love them, but have no choice.. YES and show the best of you, when you are around them
jlr Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I make music, and some of her friends from high school are in a band. While we were dating, my band played lots of shows and toured with them, so we became friends. After the breakup, those guys were all confused and thought she was nuts for doing breaking up with me. One of them in particular reached out to me and told me he wanted me to know he was my friend too, regardless. And that he thought she was being a jerk to everyone. So I see the group of them sometimes musically related, and then me and the one dude have become good friends, hanging out, etc. His relationship with her as a friend has become less. I never wanted to get in the way of her friends, so I try to stay away when there's some big get together, knowing she's known them first. But alot of times, they invite me and want me to come. I don't if I know she may be around. They don't talk about her to me. They all know how painful it is for me. Just this weekend, they were playing a show and they asked me to come along. While we were at the place, she had called various members of the group to find out where they were playing because she wanted to go. None of them would call her back. They just kept asking each other if they should let her come, worried it'd be hard for me. Eventually, it got to the one guy who I'm friends with in the band, and he asked me: Do you want me to tell her not to come, that the other guys wondered what to do. I felt bad being put in that position. Flattered that they were worried about how I felt, and were putting that first. But I felt bad. So I just said, look, I don't want to be the person who says if someone can come or not. It's your call. If I'm uncomfortable, I'll just take off, that's my deal. Anyways, I'm not sure what they told her, or if she just decided not to come after that, but she never showed. It's sad. I never would have wanted it to be like that. To be an issue. And I wouldn't want her to be pissed, thinking I'm trying to hang out with her friends all the time. I usually stay away, but this time they asked me, and I didn't think she was wanting to go. Anyways. My point, this can lead to drama sometimes, for sure!
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 well let me tell you two perspectives... I dated a guy who not only worked with me but also lived with me (as in we lived in the organization we worked for). we were bassically obligated to see each other at least once a day. He and I both had the same friends because they were from the organization. Lets just say my best guy friend was his roommate and still is. In any case, was it weird?? hell yeah! Trust me, especially if you still have feelings for them, and there is a chance you will drink, trust me there WILL be drama. And if he doesnt show up or she doesnt show up because you are there, that alone puts a strain for everyone. Thats actually what happened to my ex. He was with a girl for 5 years and her friends became his friends. Well when they broke up they tried to keep going as usual but it was just too hard. The last time he was with them he came back totally defeated and depressed because she had been there. On top of that sometimes mutual friends will stall your moving on. In his case the friends kept telling him she still loved him etc which totally killed him. (haha there is a reason why he is my ex right? obviously still too emotionally involved with his ex). In any case we both chose two different paths. Since i was totally over the guy i dated I chose to continue my friendships. Over time it became normal and even he and I starting hanging out by the end. My ex decided to cut it cuz obvisly he couldnt handle hearing about his ex or having his friends encourage a reconciliation. (which btw sounds like thats what your friends are doing) Now he is meeting new people, without any connections to his painful past and he is on top of the world so it worked for him. In my case, I still hear about my ex and in fact I just heard he is getting married. Im not gonna lie, it still affects me but not cuz it hurts me still, more like once you care about someone what they do affects you (and he is making a huge mistake! but i cant say a peep!) anyway hope my stories helped. choose wisely
EmperorR Posted September 21, 2009 Posted September 21, 2009 I dumped my mutual friends because they were her friends not mine and that what it comes down to. I had a feeling they were feedig her info so I just cut them off.
Author AnswersPls Posted September 22, 2009 Author Posted September 22, 2009 Hey guys. Thanks for all the information and stories. I have decided that I will not stay too close to them, but i will still keep in contact as they have been extending their help to me. Anyway I have decided not to meet them. But still continue to chat with them via messenger. In this way, I still do not lose the contact, yet I can be around them. It painful but i will persist this way!
Maoky Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 Even though they are 'mutual' friends, the thing I've learned is that they will usually always take one side over the other, depending on whoever is closer. I told one of our mutual friends about our break up and how I was missing her, handling it, etc etc. Next day I find out my ex knows everything I said >_> Just a small note, find your own, close friends to confide in. Mutual friends aren't always explicitly 'mutual'.
Recommended Posts