Good ways to approach women?

[xXMarlboro_ManXx]

Guys and Gals chime in please.

 

I don't see em in class and I don't work with many of them I was wondering what is the best way to approach women and show my intentions.

 

Situation 1)

Nice girl sitting alone and not looking too busy. I want to say "hey your cute .." but that takes a lot of cojones but I never think that it would be worth it (maybe it is?).

 

Situation 2)

Girl is giving good signs but keeping to herself. I want to and have said "hey my name is ...." but it not the best way to show I am interested.

 

So basically what I am asking you see a guy that you are intersted in come up to you what do you want him to say. Is just saying something the most important part?

 

Thanks in advance for the input.

[SoulSearch_CO]

It would help to know WHERE you are trying to approach these women. Like give a specific scenario as to WHERE you are and I can maybe come up with something. But I wouldn't go with, "Hey, you're cute." Even from a REALLY hot guy, that would make me go . I would wonder what he's going to try to sell me today - Boy Scout popcorn?

[xXMarlboro_ManXx]

It would help to know WHERE you are trying to approach these women. Like give a specific scenario as to WHERE you are and I can maybe come up with something. But I wouldn't go with, "Hey, you're cute." Even from a REALLY hot guy, that would make me go . I would wonder what he's going to try to sell me today - Boy Scout popcorn?

 

I'm talking about more like college while walking around campus or like in the library where people study. Or basically any place not like a bar or something as social as that.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I'd say for me - the key is to be observant. Check out the outfit...anything to compliment her on? Cool shoes, a unique purse, etc? Or if she's reading a book, see if it's something you can relate to.

 

"Atlas Shrugged? Wow, that was a hard book to get through, but definitely rewarding." or if it's related to what they're possibly studying, you could go the obvious route of asking if that's what they're studying or if it's not obvious, just ask what they're studying.

 

If you go the compliment route, make sure it's genuine. But I would say a little bit safer than "Hey, you're cute." That's a little bit TOO far. Safe is shoes, clothes, accessories. I wouldn't be impressed if the guy knew the designer, I'd wonder if he was gay. But a well-thought out compliment from a guy (even if he's totally clueless) would strike me as sweet.

 

Just keep in mind...in places like a library where people are studying, generally they aren't interested in being approached. I can be really hyper-focused and to have somebody butt in when I'm getting deep into a difficult subject would be unnerving. So I could come across as uninterested in the GUY, when really it's I was more uninterested in being interrupted.

 

And then of course you'll have people that get annoyed at the mere fact that you are talking to them in public. Don't let it get you down. Increase your odds by just being friendly in general.

[wiko]

Comment on something about her, maybe a tattoo she has, some piercing, the weather (if it's abnormal, otherwise a little TOO cliche). Or a book she has on her and ask how the class is.

 

Just any type of normal conversation to start. Then if she's giving you positive signs, you can ask for her number. And if you're feeling some cojones shrinkage when it comes time to ask for her number, just remember that if you ask, she'll probably take it as a compliment even if she doesn't want to give it out (which may or may not be true, but it helps to think it does!).

[always_searching]

I've never been approached like this, but if I were, I would probably go on at least one date with the guy, just for having the gumption to say it:

 

*In the most confident manner possible* "Hey, my name is _____. I think you are one of the hottest women I've ever seen, and I'd like to get to know you better. How would you like to go to dinner sometime?"

 

I'm telling you: you only live once. I think it would be best to just go for it. The worst she can say is "No." However, most women I know really want men to be more forceful in pursuing them. Now, I'm not suggesting that you act like a creeper--looking her up and down and licking your lips in a provocative manner. I mean, be confident, act casual about it, and just do it.

 

[New Again]

I personally am VERY turned off by guys who approach me by commenting on how I look.

 

Literally the only exception to this is the following scenario, in which I wasn't being hit on:

In passing, as I was walking out of a building, and a guy was walking in, he did a double take and said "Wow, you are SO pretty." And I smiled, said "thank you" and we both kept walking. Totally made my day, but it would have been ruined had he tried to pick me up; I would have felt like he was just being a player and that it wasn't sincere.

 

SoulSearchCo gave good advice.

 

I think the best way to approach girls is just to be a good conversationalist. Talk about things that are going on around you. Make witty or insightful comments about these things. Or at least just bring those things up, because wthout knowing her more, that's what you have in common - where you are and what you're doing. It also gives you more room to continue the conversation; whereas if you comment on how she looks, or what her major is or where she's from, that's kind of a deadend, ya know?

 

Good luck!

[alphamale]

So basically what I am asking you see a guy that you are intersted in come up to you what do you want him to say.

they want you to say "hi, i'm brad pitt and i'm rich and handsome"

[Thaddeus]

"Hey, my name is _____. I think you are one of the hottest women I've ever seen, and I'd like to get to know you better. How would you like to go to dinner sometime?"

 

I'm telling you: you only live once. I think it would be best to just go for it. The worst she can say is "No."

Actually, saying no would not be even close to the worst thing she could do.

 

She could say no REALLY LOUDLY so that everyone else around hears him get rejected, then tell ALL her friends about this goofball that tried some aggressive pickup line.

 

SoulSearch_CO and wiko both have some good suggestions. Use your environment, cue in on to what she's wearing or carrying and use that as an opener.

 

Good luck!

[always_searching]

I personally am VERY turned off by guys who approach me by commenting on how I look.

 

Literally the only exception to this is the following scenario, in which I wasn't being hit on:

In passing, as I was walking out of a building, and a guy was walking in, he did a double take and said "Wow, you are SO pretty." And I smiled, said "thank you" and we both kept walking. Totally made my day, but it would have been ruined had he tried to pick me up; I would have felt like he was just being a player and that it wasn't sincere.

 

SoulSearchCo gave good advice.

 

I think the best way to approach girls is just to be a good conversationalist. Talk about things that are going on around you. Make witty or insightful comments about these things. Or at least just bring those things up, because wthout knowing her more, that's what you have in common - where you are and what you're doing. It also gives you more room to continue the conversation; whereas if you comment on how she looks, or what her major is or where she's from, that's kind of a deadend, ya know?

 

Good luck!

 

Well, I agree that conversation is a good way to meet friends who then may later turn into something more. However, I think that the best method of getting a girl's attention and letting her know how you feel is to *shocker*: Be honest.

 

Of course, if I get the vibe that a guy is just trying to pick me up by acting like an animalistic idiot, I am not going to be impressed. However, if a guy just came out and said how he felt and what he wanted, while doing so in a confident manner: I would absolutely give him a chance, regardless of looks, money, etc.

 

So, practically, if you want to make friends first: converse about the day, her clothes, etc. Though, realize there's always the chance that the relationship will always stay in the "friend zone."

 

If you want to get your feelings out there and surprise her with your assertiveness: be honest.

[always_searching]

Actually, saying no would not be even close to the worst thing she could do.

 

She could say no REALLY LOUDLY so that everyone else around hears him get rejected, then tell ALL her friends about this goofball that tried some aggressive pickup line.

 

SoulSearch_CO and wiko both have some good suggestions. Use your environment, cue in on to what she's wearing or carrying and use that as an opener.

 

Good luck!

 

I don't know...I just find this whole "Nice day," "Ooo...pretty shoes," "Interesting tattoo" to be a waste of time. The whole "game" of dating is just redundant to me. If someone likes me, I may find it initially charming that he's a bumbling fool who attempts to express his feelings through banal conversation, but in the end I would politely turn him down if he asked me out.

 

However, if a guy just came out and told me the truth: I would respect him and would go out him.

 

I think women are pretty good at spotting players--at least, I think they are pretty transparent. You can tell when a guy is being genuine and when it's a line of b.s.

[New Again]

Well, I agree that conversation is a good way to meet friends who then may later turn into something more. However, I think that the best method of getting a girl's attention and letting her know how you feel is to *shocker*: Be honest.

 

Of course, if I get the vibe that a guy is just trying to pick me up by acting like an animalistic idiot, I am not going to be impressed. However, if a guy just came out and said how he felt and what he wanted, while doing so in a confident manner: I would absolutely give him a chance, regardless of looks, money, etc.

 

So, practically, if you want to make friends first: converse about the day, her clothes, etc. Though, realize there's always the chance that the relationship will always stay in the "friend zone."

 

If you want to get your feelings out there and surprise her with your assertiveness: be honest.

 

I don't know...I just find this whole "Nice day," "Ooo...pretty shoes," "Interesting tattoo" to be a waste of time. The whole "game" of dating is just redundant to me. If someone likes me, I may find it charming that he's a bumbling fool who attempts to express his feelings through banal conversation, but in the end I would laugh if he asked me out.

 

However, if a guy just came out and told me the truth: I would respect him and would go out him.

 

I think women are pretty good at spotting players--at least, I think they are pretty transparent. You can tell when a guy is being genuine and when it's a line of b.s.

 

You certainly have a different take than most people. No one's wrong here; and no one approach is going to work with all or even most girls.

[CaliGuy]

Guys and Gals chime in please.

 

I don't see em in class and I don't work with many of them I was wondering what is the best way to approach women and show my intentions.

 

Situation 1)

Nice girl sitting alone and not looking too busy. I want to say "hey your cute .." but that takes a lot of cojones but I never think that it would be worth it (maybe it is?).

 

Situation 2)

Girl is giving good signs but keeping to herself. I want to and have said "hey my name is ...." but it not the best way to show I am interested.

 

So basically what I am asking you see a guy that you are intersted in come up to you what do you want him to say. Is just saying something the most important part?

 

Thanks in advance for the input.

 

Ok dude, here's some advice for you. If you approach women in a timid or shy manner, you're going to get chewed up and spat out. You need to be CONFIDENT in who you are. You need to NOT WORRY about rejection (80% of the women you chat with are going to reject you right off the bat without even knowing you so don't let it effect you).

 

If you are interested in a girl, smile and make eye contact. If she returns it, say HI. Say how are you. Introduce yourself. Say something funny but not awkward. Be calm, cool and collected.

 

Women can smell fear/timidness/shyness from a mile away and they will not be attracted to you if you display those qualities. Just be confident in who you are and you'll be fine.

 

Incidentally, to overcome your fears -- the only way to do it is to FACE them. If you're afraid to approach women you just have to do it and do it so often that it doesn't phase you anymore.

 

You feelin' me?

[always_searching]

You certainly have a different take than most people. No one's wrong here; and no one approach is going to work with all or even most girls.

 

LOL, thanks. I try.

 

You're absolutely right: every girl will respond differently to different methods.

 

Maybe it's best for the O.P. to find out about the girl and her personality from her friends/others before attempting to woo her.

[always_searching]

I agree with Caliguy 100% that confidence is key.

[alphamale]

if a woman likes you (physically i mean) most of them will go out of their way to make it easy for you to approach and talk to them.

 

in the initial phase of meeting its the woman who does the choosing and the man does the approaching.

 

but on the other hand there are many women who will not do anything if they like a particular dude. these ones you stay away from.

[xXMarlboro_ManXx]

Ok dude, here's some advice for you. If you approach women in a timid or shy manner, you're going to get chewed up and spat out. You need to be CONFIDENT in who you are. You need to NOT WORRY about rejection (80% of the women you chat with are going to reject you right off the bat without even knowing you so don't let it effect you).

 

If you are interested in a girl, smile and make eye contact. If she returns it, say HI. Say how are you. Introduce yourself. Say something funny but not awkward. Be calm, cool and collected.

 

Women can smell fear/timidness/shyness from a mile away and they will not be attracted to you if you display those qualities. Just be confident in who you are and you'll be fine.

 

Incidentally, to overcome your fears -- the only way to do it is to FACE them. If you're afraid to approach women you just have to do it and do it so often that it doesn't phase you anymore.

 

You feelin' me?

 

First of all thanks for all the good posts and helpful info.

 

I am confident in myself that I can make a good impression on any girl but I guess I am lacking the initial confidence to just go up and talk to them no matter of the situation. Maybe you guys can read more into this .. I am fine with a 1 on 1 situation or if I don't have to go out of my way to initiate something but having to go out of my way to do something I have no confidence in the initial opener.

[stepka]

I agree with the others that you shouldn't take rejection personally. Here's why: I was in a coffee shop one evening and reading a book and an extremely handsome younger man from India (?) came over to talk to me and asked me about my book. Since I'd decided that I'm not ready to date, and besides I couldn't believe that such a good-looking man would be interested in me, I didn't respond very well, though I wasn't rude--I just wasn't friendly either. He looked a bit dejected, and later I kicked myself, but there it was. Usually these things have nothing to do with you but the situation going on in someone's life and I'm going to try hard to remember that when I get ready to date again. His approach was great though--you've generally won my heart if you show interest in what I'm reading b/c that's what I love to do best.

 

But, the thing is, it doesn't matter how transparent your interest in her is--she'll figure you're flirting with her if you start a convo b/c men usually don't otherwise, and she'll be flattered as long as you're not creepy. Even if she shows no interest, she'll be flattered.

[caramel c]

In one of the situations you mentioned, it might be a little less akward if you approach her and ask if she minds if you sit there. If she isn't interested in company she'll make a quick excuse and you'll be gone. If she says she doesn't mind then she probably won't mind talking to you either.

[alphamale]

Even if she shows no interest, she'll be flattered.

no, she'll be thinking "great, another idiot trying to hit on me without me sending out the signals..."

[CaliGuy]

First of all thanks for all the good posts and helpful info.

 

I am confident in myself that I can make a good impression on any girl but I guess I am lacking the initial confidence to just go up and talk to them no matter of the situation. Maybe you guys can read more into this .. I am fine with a 1 on 1 situation or if I don't have to go out of my way to initiate something but having to go out of my way to do something I have no confidence in the initial opener.

 

Then if you see a woman you are interested in, SMILE and make EYE CONTACT.

 

If she returns it, she might be interested.

If not, move on.

 

But being apprehensive in making a first move simply means that the guy who DOES is the guy who wins (which won't be you!).

 

Do you want to be the HAVE or HAVE NOT?

[eiithan]

I personally am VERY turned off by guys who approach me by commenting on how I look.

 

I second this...NA, you are not alone. Whenever I get complimented over what I wear, I feel like the guy is seeing something other than me. At least for me the guy needs to focus on me, not my earrings/shoes/clothes/haircut. On the other hand, book is a good way to start a conversation as long as he does not pretend he knows what he's talking about.

 

Nowadays I prefer men who are straightforward. I have seen many cases of low-level interest where the guy gives out a mixed signal and I am confused whether he wants me to pursue him or what.