whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Jenny...Bugging you again..Don't like that you haven't posted...That means you've slipped and are back in contact with MM.. But, sadly, you may have to suffer some serious pain and heartache, possibly have a D-Day before you realize this is a situation that is going to kill you inside. Re-read my previous post, as well as many other OW's postings here, and those in the infidelity section as well, so you can see the betrayed spouses's side of this too.. Stay strong and please, don't take 'it' to the next level with him.
Author jennifer4 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 I'm here, and we still talk but nothing more.. I stopped with the pics too. I told him that's too much.. I know a lot of people here think we cant be friends but that's all we are and ever will be. thanks for asking..
justforfun Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Hi I'm new here but I have followed this thread and the brilliant advice. I'm in a similar position myself and it's really helpful. Well done Jennifer. I do respect the fact that you are able to still have contact with this man and not have an affair with him. It's possible. But it really depends on where this is heading. You've pulled back from the sexual element of the relationship. It doesn't sound to me as though you are trying to just turn it into a 'friendship'. I suspect that you'll have had enough of the 'friendship' after I while. The rest of your life will take back over and this situation will become less and less important. I honestly see him as someone you'll just nod and say hi to occasionally in future. It's funny how things can just fade away once you start to withdraw from them. And I think that is probably what you are doing. JMHO, been wrong before and I could be wrong again.
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I'm here, and we still talk but nothing more.. I stopped with the pics too. I told him that's too much.. I know a lot of people here think we cant be friends but that's all we are and ever will be. thanks for asking.. The thing is, it'll still be an EA. What you feel for him, the chemistry, the feelings will NOT go away unless you detach from him, rely on him less, exclude him from your life. The friendship is a selfish and self serving one, not an honest, out in the open one.. It'll also prevent you meeting someone else, let alone prevent you from opening your heart to another man.. Good luck Jennifer, and post back if you feel you can't handle the friendship, or if it ends up turning into something more..
Author jennifer4 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 well I met a guy.. But he's 24! single but 24,, I am 37! Anyway I told MM, he asked who it was, how old and when he found out his age he freaked, said "I thought you were looking for a serious relationship?" I told him I think this guy is nice and we'll see what happens and that I'm sick of being second best and putting my heart out there for a man I can never have.. He apologized and said he just wants me to be happy. He sent me 7 emails when i was gone! He is begging for me not to hate him and not to be mad.. I told him that maybe a 24 yr old isn't a good match for me but it wont be the last mistake or first mistake i've made- I told him the biggest mistake was having feelings for a married man. He told me he has feelings for me too, blah blah blah.. I was pissed! he has no right to tell me what kind of guy is right for me. I feel better now for getting that off my chest : )
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Ok, he IS reacting..He's JEALOUS! All the more reason for you to see that NO friendship can happen. Make sense? Again, the feelings - He has them, you have them.. NO FRIENDSHIP is possible.. Go for it! Even if the 24 year old doesn't last long, atleast he's SINGLE and not married, no kids.. If you're going to have fun, let it be with the young stud! Glad you feel better Jennifer.
Author jennifer4 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 thanks : ) yep, the jealousy thing freaked me out and I told him he has no right to tell me who to talk to.. He told me that he'll ignore me from now on.. but then said he's a friend. I told him a true friend doesn't ignore another. I guess you all are right, he is no friend. I sort of felt bad for telling him some of things I did, but ****, he deserves it. I have had feelings for him for too long. The 24 yr old is a nice guy so far, I'm gonna enjoy him while I can : )
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 hahaha.. He isn't your true friend..You know this and he knows this. His ego took a HUGE blow - Freaked out and got jealous.. Then he started to play the hurt puppy, FINE I'll ignore you then.. Then he did a 180, wants to be friends. You can have feelings for the MM, just know that it's pointless and going nowhere.. So, what's the point of it all? Don't feel too bad. Start SEEING MM's flaws. He is far from perfect, so taking the rose coloured glasses off, seeing him for who he truly is, IS going to help you in the long run. He sh*t smells just like everyone else's, and now that you've seen him knocked down afew pegs, he doesn't look as nice as he once did before. Go and have fun with the stud. Go on a date, see a movie, get to know eachother and forget the MM.
Author jennifer4 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 sooo true. He's not the same guy since I saw how reacted to me talking to another guy.. He told me he wants me to be happy but I told him that no matter who I talk to he's gonna find something wrong with them and tell me they are no good for me.. like he wants me to himself but not really, you know.. he wants the wife but also to have me in love with him and waiting.. waiting on what?? I'm not doing that anymore! There is also a guy I met,,but he's seperated, not yet divorced so I think that's still a bad situation, but he's a nice guy. I'm not gonna get involved though now.. thanks again wwiu : )
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Stick with the 24 year old. A separated man is just about as bad as a MM.. You don't know what is really going on there and anything could happen. Don't bother wasting your time on him either. Dump MM and SM. Go for YS (Young Stud!).
Author jennifer4 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 LOL--- thanks : ) I just started talking to him. I hope his age doesn't show too soon LOL
freestyle Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I'm really happy that you're starting to see more clearly, OP. You may have just dodged a bullet. You're right, had he remained your "friend", he would have been finding fault with or potentially sabotaging any prospects looking your way. Anything to sour your milk. Definitely NOT the behavior of a true friend. Boy, the nerve of that guy.............................I just love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning.......................................
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