CarrieT Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I have officially been single for 13/14 months now. I have had less than spectacular dates via the dating sites (and only four or five to boot). In an attempt to just have a physical connection, I have had remarkably mediocre sex via Craigslist with three or four guys. I can say I learned THAT lesson so I will go back to celibacy (i.e., No Sex is better than Bad Sex). Over the weekend, I had the most disturbing dream about my Ex: I know he is seeing another girl (she WOULD have to be an Underwear Model, wouldn't she? ) In the dream, I dreamt that *I* had become my Ex and that his new girlfriend thought I was him. I decided to treat Her the way I wished He would have treated Me and in a very disturbing way, She cuddled up to Me and loved ME more than she ever loved him, believing I was really him. But it has made me all very sad. I never would have thought that I would not have someone to love and take care of. I am used to taking care of my man; keeping his favorite foods in the 'fridge, having his clothes cleaned and pressed, keeping his home clean and decorated in a way that makes him happy, partaking in his interests even if they aren't necessarily mine, and (when he lets me) giving him Happy Endings. And yet my businesses are booming to the extent that there is more work to be done than I can handle and I am hiring more and more employees to lesson my burden. But for each success, I have no one to share these joys and the loneliness pervades. Perhaps the clincher that pushed me over the edge today was that one of the men with whom I engaged in sexual contact several weeks ago was answering someone else's ad for a Casual Encounter, but he mistakingly sent his response it to me (I don't want to know to whom he WAS redirecting these correspondences). It was odd to read their correspondence. I know when it comes to men having anonymous sex, it is just a meaningless conquest for them and I am not special, but one can't help but want to believe they ARE special, or at least memorable. I'm just another woman he f***ked and he has already moved on to try and get another, but it emphasized how meaningless my own sexual encounters were. So here I sit, with dozens of pieces of jewelry I need to make (I'm a jeweler) and no energy to get them done. I am sad and lonely and finding it hard to get the momentum to move forward...
BW007 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I miss SF. I lived there for 8 years..I don't think you should bum out about CL hookups, after all you yourself had 2 or 3 of them too. I am in the same boat, trying to meet people again and it SUCKS. At least you have a self sustaining business. I had one out there too. Not here in Minnesota though. I wish I had someone to care for and care for me too. I am trying to figure out how to rebuild too. It knocked the crap out of me and my self esteem and I woke up from the relationship 5 years later to find I am 43 and that is a horrible age(for me) to be back on the market, and I don't even know where a potential future GF is anymore. Out here the Craigslist dating is pure hookers. Your dream is interesting, Did you feel sexual about it? I think that it is very easy to get a bit twisted about the sexual aspect with an x. I still feel strong inappropriate feelings about my ex which is polluted by the fact that she is with someone else. Not exactly a pick me up reply, but you are not alone.
boldjack Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Carrie, this is beginning to get a little old. You are having great success with your business, and don't have time to find a Man? Are you unattractive? No. What you are is a whiner. Hire somebody to take some of the load off and get out there and look!!! You are a goodlooking, rich woman, men should be crawling out of the woodwork. Are you too demanding sexually? Do you intimidate men ? Then work on being more positive and sensitive. You have to want to do this. Nobody is going to find you somebody. Go where men go. do what men do. Let people know you are available. You don't want to be alone? then YOU need to start the hunt.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Carrie, this is beginning to get a little old. You are having great success with your business, and don't have time to find a Man? Are you unattractive? No. What you are is a whiner. Hire somebody to take some of the load off and get out there and look!!! You are a goodlooking, rich woman, men should be crawling out of the woodwork. Are you too demanding sexually? Do you intimidate men ? Then work on being more positive and sensitive. You have to want to do this. Nobody is going to find you somebody. Go where men go. do what men do. Let people know you are available. You don't want to be alone? then YOU need to start the hunt. Bolds right Carrie get out there and look around take some time off get a assistant to help you and just go out for the day and take a good look around. Isn't there any one who you have noticed in your area that interests you? even a little? There not going to fall into your lap and while Internet dating can be OK it can also take quite a while to weed Thu the colorful ones you don't sound that patient. Finally what ever you do stop hooking up with crags list guys unless you want a flamen case of herpes to go with that depression your feeling? Or god for bid something worse you don't need a man whore thats what batteries are for afterall... Cheer up Hun and go find/get him!
splintered thing Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 And yet my businesses are booming to the extent that there is more work to be done than I can handle and I am hiring more and more employees to lesson my burden. But for each success, I have no one to share these joys and the loneliness pervades. So why do you need just one person to share the joys with? And why does it have to be a conventional-style romantic partner? What stops you from enjoying all that you have--plus the fact that you can have everything your own way with your own favorite foods in the fridge and your house and clothes just the way you like them? What stops you from sharing your joy with friends and delight in their joys, too? Sure, being with a partner is great...*if* it's the right partner...but whether you're alone or with friends the fact that business is good just makes it that much easier to have things the way you want them. Why not think about how nice it all is and devote, say, at least half the effort into making yourself happy as you'd described putting into making a partner happy?
xpaperxcutx Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Carrie it's your mindset. I believe your dry spell creates a psychological barrier that hinders you from developing a meaningful relationship. How would you view your ideal date? I think that's a question you need to ask yourself (considering your previous encounters on CL). I think you're a little too focused on wanting to settle down that your perspective on finding a great guy is out of order. It's not like you're supposed to dive off a bridge or run into traffic and find prince charming almost immediately, yet you should at least try to make an effort to start socializing in crowd friendly places so you can expand your network of potential dates as opposed to sleazy dates on internet forums. And being a workaholic is not an excuse.
Author CarrieT Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Slap upside the head is well appreciated. Thanks, all. I won't be a Dorothy Downer and woke this morning trying to Walk the Talk. Instead of sitting at home to do the email thing every morning, I'm gonna take the laptop to one of the local cafés and will hopefully start engaging in conversations with neighbors (something I've never bothered doing). And I am hiring an assistant -- he is starting next week so I'm hoping to have more time open for socializing. There is an elephant in the room, but I am eating him one bite at a time!
brock9911 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 yeah its the same old rut that you find yourself falling into because your trying to make other people happy along with yourself. f*ck everyone else and work on you. i along with tons of people on this site are in similar boats. several unsuccessful short meaningless relationships. comparing and over trying to make something crappy work. when you dont have interest in the person at all. just interest in having someone. concentrate on your job and yourself. make your money, make your living and live happily until something stumbles on to you. it feels good to be recognized, but worse to be pushed aside. good luck
Author CarrieT Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Slap upside the head is well appreciated. Thanks, all. I won't be a Dorothy Downer and woke this morning trying to Walk the Talk. Instead of sitting at home to do the email thing every morning, I'm gonna take the laptop to one of the local cafés and will hopefully start engaging in conversations with neighbors (something I've never bothered doing). And I am hiring an assistant -- he is starting next week so I'm hoping to have more time open for socializing. There is an elephant in the room, but I am eating him one bite at a time!
silic0ntoad Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Hey I'm a single guy from NJ. Lol. Too far away, but you could always go out to dinner with me if you're ever in my neck of the woods
Author CarrieT Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Hey I'm a single guy from NJ. Lol. Too far away, but you could always go out to dinner with me if you're ever in my neck of the woods Thanks, Silic -- and while I do visit New York now and then, I doubt I will have much reason to head to New Jersey any time soon...
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