Why do people keep putting themselves through relationships if it ends like THIS?!

[That_girl]

I don't understand why we keep doing these things to ourselves when we know that every break-up is going to have a horrible outcome.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years...or he broke up with me I should say. It's just sickening to think about all of the times we've said we'll always be together, and we'll never stop loving each other. Only to get to this point...

It's been a rocky relationship...we've had our share of the good and the bad. But the most difficult part is that I love him so much and he was my best friend. I can't IMAGINE going on without him. I know that eventually I will be fine. But I feel like I'd be better off with him. I don't want to lose the love of my life over something so petty. But so many arguments have been leading up to this point.

Basically there is a consensus on both parts that neither party is "giving" enough to the other. And both of us are too selfish. But I'm not the one who is willing to part so easily. He is.

I just hate life right now. I know I am going through some kind of depression because all I feel like doing is sleeping and not talking to anyone. My friends don't help much either because they are all busy with their own ****. I don't know what to do except keep blaming myself and feeling awful about everything. All I can think is what did I do to deserve this?! And this only makes me feel worse because I know that there are so many other people in the world that are suffering far more than I am.

 

Basically......I feel your pain people, I feel your pain.

[wondering_girl]

hey girl, i completely feel your pain too, my bf is my best friend too and had known him for a while and now i'm left in an unknown state or i might as well consider it as a break-up, he said he wanted to talk and during dinner, he barely said two words to me as he wasn't ready to talk.. i don't know if he's scared to end it or what not.. but being left out in the cold is soooo tough, i have those moments too where i'll blame myself, moments when i'm mad, cry, can't sleep, can't eat... i know everyone keeps saying "it'll be ok" but right now, it's soo hard for me to see that. i wish there was a button that would make it go away...

[PuertoRican]

Man, three years is a long time!! Just wondering, how old are you?...I got dumped in June after an 8 month relationship and I'm still shaky on the moving on thing....it sucks especially when your "used to be" significant other moves on before you ... in my situation he tells me he wants to be with me later just not now....idk if him sayin that should make me happy just to live with FALSE HOPE or if i would be better off if he never told me that...but what im tryin to say is that i can only imagine how devastaed you are considering i went through/am still dealing with pain after dating someone for 8 months...we're all here to support eachother through this stuff so keep postin! Take it easy =) you know things will get better

[wondering_girl]

it's so rough, we date for 4 years.......

[Notsogood]

it's so rough, we date for 4 years.......

 

I feel your pain, 5.5 year relationship ended for me. I'm 24 now, so it was pretty much my entire adult life. Before I met her, I used to party all the time and did not know what I wanted out of life. After we hook up, I settled down and concentrated on my studies and career, and was pretty successful and got a job as a stock trader for a top investment bank. She was my best friend and my inspiration through all of this. Now she's gone and I'm back where I started - no drive, no ambition, no motivation, no idea what I want from life. Making money does not drive me anymore when there is no one to share it with. I'm trying to look towards the future but its tough when everything Ive worked for suddenly dissappears and I'm left with nothing but this emptiness in my heart.

[logitech]

Hey Not so good. My story is about the same as yours except I am 2 years older. So yeah, I feel the same.

[PuertoRican]

Are you kidding me? You should be so proud of how you overcame yourself in the past! The only motivation you need is YOU!! People would die to be as successful as you had once been, and you still can be!

[Trialbyfire]

That girl, you know that great relationships aren't that difficult, don't you? They're not fraught full of drama, although of course, there are times that you will fight. When you're caught in a relationship that's so difficult, it's like you put up with the low, lows, just to get those sky-high highs.

 

Maybe it's time to start deconstructing your relationship and try to figure out what he did wrong to begin with. Next, when you're strong enough, take a look at what you did wrong. Then balance the two. You might be surprised at how much you learn in the process, if only about yourself.

[splintered thing]

I don't understand why we keep doing these things to ourselves when we know that every break-up is going to have a horrible outcome.

 

They don't have to be horrible. You can love someone without owning him, you can enjoy the present without knowing the future.

 

Maybe dealing with breakups is a skill just like knowing how to fall safely or knowing how to regain control when your car starts to skid. I've long since gotten to the point where I can switch from thinking we're in a deep and serious relationship with plans and dreams...to listening sympathetically and giving advice as a friend when my suddenly ex-partner happens to mention they've finally met the real love of their life, without missing a beat. ...or at least no more than one beat.

 

Breaking up, suddenly or otherwise, is a change, not necessarily an end. You don't have to stop caring for someone just because the ways you can show it have to change.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Trust me I can relate. I almost feel a bit cheated, seeing as in childhood you're fed all this cock and bull about a prince and princess and a happily ever after....I wonder why I ever needed to be told that, when the reality or relationships is so different and so confusing. I felt like I met the one and lost the one and all my emotions now are this really numb, 'under the surface' blur of love, hate, anger, upset, dissapointment - I can feel myself getting a bit colder and almost feeling relationships cannot make me happy because I simply don't have the belief that they can last (which of course is a self-fulfilling prophecy). But honestly at the moment most couples I know are either based on a lie (cheat), have broken up or are secretly unhappy. I only know a few genuinely happy couples and they seem few and far between. It puts me off striving for this seeing as right now the hurt is only making me more and more bitter.