the bulb Posted November 24, 2003 Posted November 24, 2003 well.....ive looked at nyc apartments , found a couple, now contemplating telling my wife im leaving. though my marriage was no where near the best, it was no where near the worst. my wife did the unfathomable thing of not growing in my direction. this direction was not above her....just perpendicular. she is one of the sweetest persons i know, and for that i am trully sorry for what im about to do. if youve read my previous post here,then you know that i "cheated" on my wife recently, so im not the nobleman by any means. i think that this will come as a semi shock( we havent had sex,due to me,for the past 3 weeks,and little physicalness,again due to my guilty feelings), but i have given her some cues and had some talks about separating within the past 3-4 months. anyways im sick to my stomach to tell her and i guess basically destroy the future vision that she has had of us. i do not think that i could continue with her, as i feel that we really are two different people, i have a great fondness for her, but not the connection that we had years ago. does this make me a bad person? we are mentally and philosophically very different then we were when we got married. my wife is very humble,shy and conservative. she does not enjoy the things that i do,and have worked hard to be able to enjoy. i guess thats why i cheated with a person ( i know her 2 years,)who is so the opposite of her. i havent felt that passion and intensity for many years. it is obvious why people who cheat on their spouses do it (at least for me). so...do you guys think im going about this the right way? telling her that im moving out and ask for the divorce?do you think that i should be blunt about this or take a few hours of explaining this (minus the cheating part)? once again thank for your helpful replies
Tony T Posted November 24, 2003 Posted November 24, 2003 What would have been really nice is if the two of you had used effective communication all along in order to grow in similar directions or at least to have a greater respect for each other's path. At any rate, you should talk to her...you should have talked to her long ago. I'm really sorry but I'm sort of pissed here. It would have been so much more humane had you cued your wife in on your dissatisfaction and the reasons why long ago than to spring this on her when you're ready to leave. You must talk to her and give her detail (except for the cheating.) She will feel a lot better about you leaving knowing that you have kept this to yourself all this while instead of talking to her like healthy couples do. I hope you learn better communications skills in the future or you'll end up the same way again in the future. Good luck and be kind to your wife.
Noguts Posted December 5, 2003 Posted December 5, 2003 ...been there! I was ready to bite the bullet, but my wife wouldn't let me, instead, she tried to kill herself. So I am still stuck here....
Summerday Posted December 5, 2003 Posted December 5, 2003 Wow! can you tell me more about your story? How did your wife trying to kill herself make you feel?
moonspinner Posted December 5, 2003 Posted December 5, 2003 my wife did the unfathomable thing of not growing in my direction. this direction was not above her....just perpendicular. she is one of the sweetest persons i know, and for that i am trully sorry for what im about to do. if youve read my previous post here,then you know that i "cheated" on my wife recently, so im not the nobleman ... Like Tony said, it's too bad you guys didn't get to work out the kinks as they arose..However...it takes two, obviously and I wouldn't assume all the blame myself Bulbman. Where was she when you were-a-changing? Alot of folks sleep walk through their relationships only to wake up to find their partner gone. I know, it happened to me...I stopped paying attention...and he wasn't tapping me on the shoulder letting me know about it either....so he went away one day and never came back.
Arabess Posted December 5, 2003 Posted December 5, 2003 Bulb, I think you are handling this the only way possible. I don't know if I would go into the whole affair description with her. Why add insult to injury???? I would explain why I wanted/needed to get out of the marriage....and let it go. Noguts, I think alot of guys fear that will happen to them. I wouldn't stay with someone just because they played the 'suicide' card though. I'd wait till she was better....then I would leave. THEN, if she does a repeat....her problems are bigger than what you can handle in the first place. No wonder you want out!
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