leap83 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well, today came an interesting e-mail in my Inbox. He managed to write a letter. WOW! Anyway, he said how he wants more time to pass between us meeting as friends because he believes that is the only way of building a proper friendship. Now, first thing that REALLY made me annoyed was the fact that he e-mailed me - that I call cowardly. So, without any hesitation, I wrote back saying that I have thought about our situation and circumstances and that I don't think we can build a "proper friendship". I also said I have mixed feelings about this. I was blunt and I'm so ready to cut off any communication and NOT be friends (as much as it hurts). I told him that we should "discuss" whether it would be a good idea to "preserve the friendship or move on." He already made the decision for BOTH of us to "let some time pass" before we're friends. Sorry buddy!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!?!?!?! Since when does he make decisions for me?! Whether he'll call or not, I don't really care. I have no idea what to tell him anyway - I have mixed feelings about everything we went through and serious doubts that we can build any kind of friendship on this bond. Why the heck would he even want to build friendship?! It's making me angry (as much as I would like us to be friends). So, I don't know what to tell him (if he gets the balls to call - what a douchebag).
Serena2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 So, I don't know what to tell him (if he gets the balls to call - what a douchebag). Leap -- His response is SO cowardly!! He hides behind the computer screen and pushes buttons because he can't man-up and have a mature discussion with you about the direction of the relationship and hear your response!! It's not only cowardly, it's selfish, disrespectful, and unfair!!
Author leap83 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 I'm trying to string together an e-mail that will end this for good. I need your input on what to say in it. I don't want to sound rude or a bitch - I want to walk out of this with dignity. I have thought it through and I believe I deserve MUCH better treatment than this and thus, I have decided to cut off ALL of the strings. This is going to be VERY hard for me to do... I started off by saying this: "Dear ______ After careful consideration and further thinking about the possibility of friendship, I have decided that we cannot remain friends. As much as I believed and wanted to in the beginning to remain friends, I'm unfortunately going to have to remove that option from the table. " I don't know how to continue. I don't know what to say. It sounds so formal... :S
Serena2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Leap -- You already responded to his e-mail, right?! I wouldn't send another response. I think I'd leave him with your initial response and go NC.
Author leap83 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 The initial response gives him an option to contact me. I don't want him to do that. I want my book back and out he goes. That's why I want to send this other piece of e-mail.... I responded too quickly... Honestly... I don't know what I want. I get his drift - it is too early to go out as friends. He didn't call because we would end up discussing this and he hates that. However, letting time pass and "building proper friendship"????? wth is up with that?! I don't even know what that means...
Exit Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Well you rushed the first email and sent it, now you're working on another email yet still saying "I don't know what I want". Don't say anything to him until you at least make up your own mind. I don't see any benefit to you being friends with him, but that's up to you.
Author leap83 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 exit: yeah... you're right... What is the benefit? I wonder why the hell didn't he have the balls to say he doesn't want friendship - instead of hoping to build a proper one once time passes.... what is there to hold onto? Nothing. I deserve better. I didn't send out the second email. I probably won't. I won't say anything anymore. Precisely because I don't know what I want...
writergal Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Leap I can relate to what you're feeling because I just recently heard from my ex-bf via email. He responded to an email I sent him a couple of days ago; which asked him if would consider giving us a chance to be friends. I shouldn't have been shocked by his response b/c it was indicative of how emotionally closed off he'd become to me when we dated. In his email response to me he announced that he'd moved to another city for a new job, so that he could find happiness and healing again. Did he acknowledge my question about being friends? Nope. He completely ignored all the personal content of my email, and kept his response devoid of any emotional language. I was extremely disappointed but not surprised by this. So, you shouldn't be surprised and let it upset you that your ex-bf also hasn't validated your feelings or proposed the two of you try being friends right now. He's probably emotionally closed off to you now, as my ex is to me, because he's moved on with his life and doesn't want to look back to his past, which would be you. If you don't know that you want to be friends with him right now, that's normal too. I think I'm pushing it too soon with my ex to go the friends route. And anyway, if you're ex treated you badly in the breakup, do you think he'd treat you any better as a friend? I know I won't hear back from my ex via email (I sent a response to his email yesterday), b/c I told him that with the physical distance between us, a friendship is more possible and for him to let me know what he thinks. Maybe your ex was right in saying to let some time pass for you both to emtionally detach more, and settle back into your own lives for a few months before even considering a friendship. Sometimes we can be friends with our exes if enough time passes. And sometimes, no matter how much time passes, we just can't. It all depends on how the r/s went.
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