aaronno9 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Some of you may of read my story in the coping thread. But to cut a long story short, I was best friends with my G.F for about a year, but she was in a relationship so nothing ever happened, we just hung out at college ect. Eventually she broke up with him, and we where together a week later. We spent a very happy 3 years together, and then a not so happy 1/2 year. We never had any breaks or cheated or anything. We where still very much in love. My commitment just wasnt there. So we broke up 2 months ago. 1 month of just chatting every now and then, followed by 1 month of seeing each other again and exploring the possibility of getting together again. While this period was going on, she met somebody else. Nothing ever happened, but he wanted to get with her. I didnt have to balls to man up and tell her I wanted her back, to much pride mabeys? In the end she got sick of waiting and went out with the other dude, and told me she just wanted to be friends. Shes still texting me daily, and even wants to go out tomorrow just to hang out in the park. Many of you guys will know this feeling - Im at the lowest point in my life. Everytime my phone goes, Im litterally praying its her. So when it is I cant help but to reply, and I didnt even think about saying no to hanging out with her. Now my question is, should I keep replying and meeting her? I know shes still going out with this other guy, but Im also pretty sure she still loves me, and shes not egotistical at all, so its not like shes just trying to get me to bite for her ego. Do I keep up what im doing? or do I just go N.C to avoid falling into the friend zone and hope she decides one day she wants to be back with me?
Mustain2234 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Some of you may of read my story in the coping thread. But to cut a long story short, I was best friends with my G.F for about a year, but she was in a relationship so nothing ever happened, we just hung out at college ect. Eventually she broke up with him, and we where together a week later. We spent a very happy 3 years together, and then a not so happy 1/2 year. We never had any breaks or cheated or anything. We where still very much in love. My commitment just wasnt there. So we broke up 2 months ago. 1 month of just chatting every now and then, followed by 1 month of seeing each other again and exploring the possibility of getting together again. While this period was going on, she met somebody else. Nothing ever happened, but he wanted to get with her. I didnt have to balls to man up and tell her I wanted her back, to much pride mabeys? In the end she got sick of waiting and went out with the other dude, and told me she just wanted to be friends. Shes still texting me daily, and even wants to go out tomorrow just to hang out in the park. Many of you guys will know this feeling - Im at the lowest point in my life. Everytime my phone goes, Im litterally praying its her. So when it is I cant help but to reply, and I didnt even think about saying no to hanging out with her. Now my question is, should I keep replying and meeting her? I know shes still going out with this other guy, but Im also pretty sure she still loves me, and shes not egotistical at all, so its not like shes just trying to get me to bite for her ego. Do I keep up what im doing? or do I just go N.C to avoid falling into the friend zone and hope she decides one day she wants to be back with me? This is where someone (I guess I'll take that role) suggests that no contact is supposed to assist with healing, and any secondary benefit (such as an ex reaching out for a second chance) is a bonus. Look at your scenario. You've been friends with her following the breakup for how long now, a month? How has that worked out? Also, she does sound egotistical. She moved on to this other man because she was tired of waiting for you? Cmon, I know women have come far enough in this society where they can express their willingness to re-start a relationship without public scorn. You should undergo NC, but be aware, the result may not be what you want. She may not come rushing back. You have to understand that is a real possibility. Look at it as, at worst, you're just speeding up the inevitable. That inevitability being her exclusiveness with this guy, dropping you as the second option, and leaving you with your heart in your hands. Let me try to give you some perspective. My most recent ex and I have been broken up for a year and half. Following the breakup I did everything I could to remain in her life. In the beginning I thought, "it's only (x) number of months following the breakup, she may change her mind! I should prove to her I'm in her life!" It didn't work. What you should do, because I know damn well NC is too difficult to immediately implement, is try deviating from the norm for a bit. Whatever you do, concerning replying to her texts or hanging out, change it up a bit. Instead of replying immediately to her texts, wait a day. Instead of hanging out at a park, tell her you have other plans. This should be a real test to see how she handles the change. I remember a time when I would always reply to my exes texts immediately. One day I took conscious notice of this and purposely didn't reply for a day. It was as if she didn't know what to do with herself, thought maybe my phone was busted or that he original text didn't go through. When she asked why I didn't reply sooner I said I was busy, but was very coy about it. Yes, It's a game; but she's playing one as well. So is your ex-gf.
Author aaronno9 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 TY for the reply. I guess I need some outsider perspecitve on the situation. I think at some point we all think or relationship is differant to anybody elses and that things might turn out differant for us, but in reality thats just not the case. I had many chances during the relationship to keep her around, and another chance during the last month but I just couldnt admit how I felt. Now its to late. Id like another shot, but I know I dont really deserve it. Its just so damn confusing with her still wanting to keep maximum contact all the time!
Mustain2234 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 TY for the reply. I guess I need some outsider perspecitve on the situation. I think at some point we all think or relationship is differant to anybody elses and that things might turn out differant for us, but in reality thats just not the case. I had many chances during the relationship to keep her around, and another chance during the last month but I just couldnt admit how I felt. Now its to late. Id like another shot, but I know I dont really deserve it. Its just so damn confusing with her still wanting to keep maximum contact all the time! What exactly were these chances you had to keep her around? I'm just guessing here, but are these examples of something rather small that -- upon reflecting on it later -- you inflated its meaning? I'm thinking of examples like her saying, "let's go out tonight," and because you didn't, you believe it caused her to move on. Unless she literally said, "I want to get back together with you," and you didn't jump on it, what you view as a blown chance wasn't at all. Also, concerning maximum contact; I'm sure she still loves you. It's just, at this moment, she doesn't love you as much as the other guy. I know if I were him I'd be PISSED that my girlfriend is talking with her ex every day. That would prove to me she has doubts about our relationship and wants the safety of her ex, who is proving he's more than willing to wait around.
Author aaronno9 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 No, the chances where very obvious. She essentially told me. During the relationship, I just needed to up my commitment. During the last month after the B/U, I just had to tell her I loved her and wanted her back and she would of accepted. It sounds so stupid I know, but I struggle so much to talk about my emotions in person, to anybody. She gave me time but I just expected her to do all the work, which I think for her was to similar to the relationship. And all the while I was avioding being serious, the other guy was trying his best to win her. I asked about the new guy. She doesnt love him, but she does like him, and is still going out with him. I cant imagine he'd be thrilled if he new we where still talking daily and hanging out. But that just makes more questions in my head. Why would she be risking it with the new guy, just to casually hang out with me? Its the first time ive been through break up, so I dont know how to deal. The weird thing is, this last week has been so much harder than the actual break up was.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 You know what the problem is, and you have the means to fix it- but instead of telling her that you love her and want to make things work... You are lamenting to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Tell her how you feel- problem solved.
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