hopefulguy Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Sorry for the long post. PLEASE take time to read as i have not updated my situation in a while. A brief summary...my ex girlfriend broke up with me over 3 months ago after 5 years because she needed to "find herself, make sure im the one, be independent.." all that good stuff dumpers tell dumpees when they start to have doubts, but she did still say she was in love with me even after the breakup. She always told our friends that she missed me alot but just needs time to herself. But now things have changed because a third party is involved. She's dating someone now. She said she really did want to be by herself but recently got in contact with an old friend that always liked her since they were younger, and things just happend. Even though it might be bs, im not mad at it. They started dating about 2 months after the breakup. I know all of this because she felt like she needed to tell me. We dont talk alot, we have LC (try to do NC) but circumstances with responsibilities and mutual friends always make us end up communicating one way or another. For some reason, it doesnt hurt alot that she's with the new guy and having sex with him. I always wonder why this is...i do always think of her and miss her, but it doesnt really hurt as much as i thought. Maybe because she's finally experiencing life and a new person as she has only been with me (probably one of the main reasons for her decision to breakup.) Ive been with a few other girls before her. We're both 22. We saw eachother at a friends birthday party. I figured she would be there but my plan was to say hi and thats it. That never happens. The times i saw her within the last months, we always end up drawing towards eachother. We small talk at first and then she starts reaching out to me and talking about life and asking me about my life. Our communication and connection was very powerful during the relationship. As the party ends (its pouring rain hard) I go say bye to her and she puts me under her umbrella to take me to my rides car. I tell my ride to meet me at her car so that i can walk her cause it was dark and no one else was around. We ended holding eachother like we did before when we walked. When we got to her car she gave me a kiss on the cheek (i know its only friendly.) So i gave her a kiss also, but i gave her "our kiss." hard to explain but the way i kissed her was like i use to...and her eyes lit up and she couldnt stop smiling. Everything happend so fast, i cant recall (we were both tipsy but not drunk) but i started kissing her neck and ears and she was feeling it also. But then it stopped and she said even shes not "together" with the guy shes dating, she doesnt want to disrespect him like that cause she really likes him. I understood and stopped, as its not good for me also because im trying to move on, but things happen. So then we realized my ride left me in the dust! LOL probably cause it got akward. So she took me home (we live in the same area.) And once again we started talking about the old relationship and her new guy. I told her i felt a little disrespected by her dating so soon cause it felt like what we had meant nothing. thats when she held my hand and said it meant everything because i was her first everything, ill always have a part of her, and not to think that way. then later on during the drive she just asked "do you miss me?" i was stuck cause i didnt want to give in as im trying to keep my dignity and not stroke her ego...but i said yes. i asked her also...and she said that she misses our friendship, and she misses us. then she started to say the new guy cant compare to me how i treat her, but she would never tell him that because they will be done dating if she says that. I dont know what got into me that night, but i asked if she can see me in her future. she said she hasnt really thought about it, i know this maybe the case as shes in the honeymoon stage with the new guy or that she doesnt want to say anything to me that will be disrespectful to him. i know she doesnt think of me nearly as much as she did after the breakup before he was in the picture. wether he's considered a rebound or not, i realize that she has her mind off of me for the most part. but then when we got to the driveway, the whole kissing thing happened again (we never kissed on the lips), then we talked and i went inside. The next morning I was fine, i was thinking about it. but what made it worse is that she texted me and said "good seeing you yesterday ." we dont contact eachother to help eachother move on, both try to implement nc, but just that night i guess something happend. I know it may not be a big deal, but i figured that the relationship failed because she no longer had romantic feelings towards me. I know we'll always have love/friendship/honesty/communication/loyalty and everything that are the foundation of a relationship, but I knew she started to lack the romantic side and attraction towards me. Now i turned her on and she admitted that she wanted it but didnt want to disrespect her new guy, and then she texts me the next day. She has never texted me the next morning any of the times i saw her the night before. (maybe 10 times after the breakup) Whats going on? Would she have gone through with being intimate with me if not with the new guy? We didnt kiss, have sex, or anything after the breakup because we knew it would make things more complicated. Now we've sort of both moved on. (obviously her alot more than me) I know what happend was wrong, but i am honestly a little happy to know i can still push her buttons . But i'll be doing NC again but this time theres no reason for contact in the near future. There are no plans or anything that will make us see/communciate again. Thank you for your input and time
goatboytone Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Dude, don't even start thinking about what could've been. I know it's hard but if she's with another guy you need to not even be contemplating if she would still have sex with you, sounds like she just wanted to use you as a bit of an emotional blanket, which is totally unfair. You seem to have your head screwed on though, good for you. Take it easy bro
Author hopefulguy Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Dude, don't even start thinking about what could've been. I know it's hard but if she's with another guy you need to not even be contemplating if she would still have sex with you, sounds like she just wanted to use you as a bit of an emotional blanket, which is totally unfair. You seem to have your head screwed on though, good for you. Take it easy bro thanks for your input man. but it really wasnt about what could've been or if she would still have sex with me. i guess i was really contemplating what part of me is she missing? i know for sure she is missing our friendship and connection...but i dont know if she can be missing anything else because the new guy is distracting her from this. she is getting all of the physical needs from him. it just gets me how her feelings drastically change. because just a few weeks before she hooked up with the new guy, she told everyone she missed me alot. now i know thats not that case. she still had the urge to be romantic with me but yet only misses our friendship? i know she needs to find her way and i need to stay away. she told me somethings missing in her life but she doesnt know what it is yet.
PuertoRican Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Let me just start off by saying excuse my informal typing but i have a lot to say to you and dont feel like being proper . ANYWAYS!! i can relate to like 1000 things in your post. my bf and i dated for 8 mo's and he dumped me in june..even tho u said she got a new guy in 2 mo's .. my ex got a new girl in the same week so i feel the "they rushed into it" feeling that you have as well...at least u had a month... anyways we have also LC because i try to keep myself from him...he keeps telling me he wants to be with me but NOT NOW...its so ridiculous! we have been in the same situation as u and ur ex where he has kissed me on the cheek and ive given him a massage while sitting ON his back when he was laying down..actually when he first started dating this girl we kissed on the lips (like 1 week into his new relationship)....its hard and it F----- SUCKS!! but i know i have to let it go...we didnt date nearly as long as you guys but the situation is still parallel....she said it was nice seeing u or w/e and my ex always says stuff like that too he even tells me he loves me but its just messed up cuz he wont break up with his girlfriend .... he told me he cant tell me why....w/e the hell that means?! ill give you some of my thoughts though..im goin to try NC...so far its been 2 days (b/c HE is always the first one to call///message me online///stop by because we live by eachother as well as u and ur ex....) so just the simple fact that he still tries to contact me proves that even though my ex and ur ex have a new "partner" they still think about us so don't tell yourself otherwise lol..but i reccomend moving on if you havent yet...even if its nothing serious (just be fair and let the new person know that you wanna go slow...) because when i started talkin to a new guy (i warned my ex that new guys come along when your single...cuz he thought it was all just a game) all of a sudden he got pissed about it and it bothered him and he told me he didnt think it would bother him that much....so if you havent moved on yet maybe she thinks she has you trapped or wants you as a safety net because thats what i felt like..but now im stickin to my guns. go ahead and try new things for YOURSELF! if she wants you back (nothings guarenteed but nothings impossible as well) then she will try to get you back no matter what even if you have "moved on" ... thats the stage im at right now...trying something new because other ppl deserve a chance with us too, you know? right now im takin things slow but it always helps to see that im not the only one in this situation =)
Author hopefulguy Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Let me just start off by saying excuse my informal typing but i have a lot to say to you and dont feel like being proper . ANYWAYS!! i can relate to like 1000 things in your post. my bf and i dated for 8 mo's and he dumped me in june..even tho u said she got a new guy in 2 mo's .. my ex got a new girl in the same week so i feel the "they rushed into it" feeling that you have as well...at least u had a month... anyways we have also LC because i try to keep myself from him...he keeps telling me he wants to be with me but NOT NOW...its so ridiculous! we have been in the same situation as u and ur ex where he has kissed me on the cheek and ive given him a massage while sitting ON his back when he was laying down..actually when he first started dating this girl we kissed on the lips (like 1 week into his new relationship)....its hard and it F----- SUCKS!! but i know i have to let it go...we didnt date nearly as long as you guys but the situation is still parallel....she said it was nice seeing u or w/e and my ex always says stuff like that too he even tells me he loves me but its just messed up cuz he wont break up with his girlfriend .... he told me he cant tell me why....w/e the hell that means?! ill give you some of my thoughts though..im goin to try NC...so far its been 2 days (b/c HE is always the first one to call///message me online///stop by because we live by eachother as well as u and ur ex....) so just the simple fact that he still tries to contact me proves that even though my ex and ur ex have a new "partner" they still think about us so don't tell yourself otherwise lol..but i reccomend moving on if you havent yet...even if its nothing serious (just be fair and let the new person know that you wanna go slow...) because when i started talkin to a new guy (i warned my ex that new guys come along when your single...cuz he thought it was all just a game) all of a sudden he got pissed about it and it bothered him and he told me he didnt think it would bother him that much....so if you havent moved on yet maybe she thinks she has you trapped or wants you as a safety net because thats what i felt like..but now im stickin to my guns. go ahead and try new things for YOURSELF! if she wants you back (nothings guarenteed but nothings impossible as well) then she will try to get you back no matter what even if you have "moved on" ... thats the stage im at right now...trying something new because other ppl deserve a chance with us too, you know? right now im takin things slow but it always helps to see that im not the only one in this situation =) wow puertorican, your situation really is similar except for the length of the realtionship. and also she does not contact me as much as your ex does. we dont see eachother or talk to eachother unless its a coincidence being at the same place, or that we have some responsibilities we need to take care of. she made it a point to not contact me as it will string me along, and she was doing a good job with it as i am healing when we did nc. at least your ex does show you he still loves you and wants you at this point...i dont think you should feel too discouraged. she use to tell me im the one for her but not now, but that was only right after the breakup. now she can be thinking anything entirely diff. and you are doing the right thing in being with a new guy. ive moved on for the most part but not to the point where im with a new girl. but since that night we hung out she texted me 3 of the next 4 days. and just yesterday she said she ran into a mutual friend and wanted to eat dinner with him and his gf. she texted me and invited me to see if i was cool with that. its weird cause we use to go on double dates like this before. HELP! should i go or not? i dont want to make it a big deal and act like im terrified to see her...cause im not. i just dont want to fulfill her needs of being her friend and live her previous life and her new life at once. that would be selfish of her. and she also contact my best friend wanting to hang out with him. she hasnt made an effort to contact me or any of my friends for 3 months and now she is slowly trying to get back into our lives again. please tell me what you think.
PuertoRican Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Alright, sorry for the "late???" response because the time on this blog doesn't match my time, and I'm new and couldn't figure out if other people responded to my posts. Anyways about the meeting up thing (hopefully it didn't happen already!!) I don't think you should do it because it will more than likely RUSH BACK ALL THE OLD FEELINGS!! and you will probaly feel like day one of recovering....NOT GOOD.....unless you are tottttttttttalllly certain that you will be alright! (Don't do it just because you miss her because you will actually end up DISSAPOINTED because you will not get the behavior//conversation that will satisfy you if you still want her back when she has someone new. Our ex's for the most part want us to be their safety nets and you can't do that! Even a little bit like seeing her because she might try and take advantage of leading you on at this "meeting". Also, even though you think it's good that my ex tells me he cares about me, it doesn't help at all!! First of all he TELLS me these things but doesn't SHOW me and we all already know actions speak louder than words. It just makes things worse because then im like WTH YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME BUT YOU STAY WITH UR GF?! So it's not fun. Even if he tells me he cares it doesn't mean anything because he isn't acting upon it....for all i know it can just be lies to STRING ME ALONG, which i am not falling for....therefore, sometimes they tellin you they still care isn't good unless they are single and being serious with you.
Author hopefulguy Posted September 21, 2009 Author Posted September 21, 2009 thats ok im fairly new to the site as well and i dont realize when people reply to a post either! you are very right...actions do speak louder than words, but it seems like as she has been doing more action. she never really contacted me before out of the blue. im sorry to hear what your ex is doing to you...but it seems as if you are very strong so keep up the strong will power! i will try to do as you are. in my situation though, she does not tell me any of the thigns your ex tells you, but she acts in odd ways that confuse me as to what she is thinking. we'll see but i know not to expect anything from this. as far as the situation, i have not gone out with her. she asked me last week and said it would be sometime this next weekend. my friends will be there so if i go it wont just be me and her. HOWEVER, i did inform you that she has been contacting me lately....she contact me again last night!! she texted me about a tv show that is about to start up again that we have been watching together the past few years. the commercials have been showing on tv so i know shes been thinking about me when she sees them. i never knew she would actually contact me about it. the reason i say this is because the past week and a half shes contacted me about 3-5 times. mostly small talk or finding the smallest reasons to make it a legit reason to contact me. she always told me she wouldnt lead me on and not try to effect me in any way to hold me back. but why has she been contacting me lately? i knwo shes missing me and thinking about me. but i dont know how much or what part of me shes missing....the guy shes with is totally opposite of me, and i know her and i have alot more of the same interests and things in common. what is she missing from me??
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