mungosmum Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I lent my laptop to my husband of 31 years when he was taking a course in a different province. I visited with him in his hotel for a weekend. We had a nice time together, but I was upset that he wasn't too keen to make love, even although we had been apart for a number of weeks. Anyway I returned home, and he followed a week later for a few days and I took back my laptop. Unknown to him, I had installed Google desktop indexing, not to spy on him, I just thought it was a neat tool. He of course thought I'd never know what he'd been up to as he had deleted the history. Well, when I did discover his searches I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He had been looking at porn, but that faded into insignificance when I saw what he was really interested in. He was searching for hookers from the minute I had left from our weekend together. He was obsessed, he searched continually from 6 am throughout the day and night. He searched for every kind of hooker, street walkers, escorts, craigslist whores, strippers, independent providers etc etc. I immediately got in touch with him, he was working away from home at the time, and of course he denied anything had happened. I wouldn't let it go and insisted over and over for weeks on end to tell me the truth! Well he told me alright...On our 31st wedding anniversary! He admitted going with prostitutes for ten years!! I couldn't catch my breath, I was dumb struck, this couldn't be true, it must be a cruel lie, revenge for some slight I had caused him, I don't know how I got through the next few days, I was in total shock, how could my decent dependable husband do this? It was insane. I kept asking what on earth had gone wrong with our marriage ten years ago to send him to a whore. Well, again I got my answer, it wasn't ten years ago, it was twenty!!!! Its been 4 months now and I'm still reeling. He is going to a psychologist, who specializes in this "behavior". I'm also seeing a therapist. Couples councilling may be in the future, but I'm not on that road to recovery yet. The huge extent of his betrayal, lies and deceit are over whelming, I had no idea! Never suspected a thing! ( this has gone on over 2 continents) My world has collapsed about me. My marriage a lie, my husband a revolting stranger who has masqueraded for 20 years as my good loving husband. I'm 61, its horrible to know he's payed to f*ck women 30-40 years younger. I've asked how many? Hes changed the number of times its happened from the initial "too many to remember" to 1 or 2 a year, 6 or 7 now its 14. God only knows, and may be I shouldn't dwell on the numbers. I believe in his determination to stop. If not because he's been exposed, and has seen the real raw damage he has done, but for the fact the old f*ckwit is old and fat, and no self respecting whore ( a contradiction in terms) could act pleased to see him! One positive thing to heart break is its the best diet in the world, unfortunately it also ages you 10 years!
eeyore1981 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Wow. I have no advice for you, but wanted to acknowledge I read your post, and feel deep sympathy for you. I hope you have had yourself checked for STDs. Some do not show symptoms for years. What is wrong with some people? This is a terrible way to treat a fellow human being.
jennie-jennie Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Dito what eeyore said. What a terrible shock for you. You have come to the right place. Here you can talk about it. It will at least diminish your hurt a little, little bit.
Thornton Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 My mother left my father at the age of 59 and got a cottage on her own. She's lived alone for the last 5 years and says she's never been so happy. She adopted a little dog to keep her company, she can come and go as she likes and answers to no-one, she's joined clubs and goes out with her friends, and best of all she no longer has to put up with my father's bad behaviour. I'm just saying, despite your age you don't have to put up with this behaviour - in my opinion it's unforgivable.
PhoenixRise Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I have no advise. I just want to say I am so sorry you are in this pain. Nobody deserves what you are going through right now.
ReturnToSender Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Goodness...Im so sorry to hear what has happened! I cant begin to imagine the pain. Im with you that heartbreak is a great weight loss aid...I lost over 15lbs in 2wks when I found out my bf cheated on me. Its good to hear that he is going through counseling...who knows how things will go from here but there is that. I agree that you should get yourself tested, and continue to get yourself tested regularly at least until you are very sure of him and know that he is being faithful. Sad truth is...it doesnt matter how old he is or what he looks like...escorts will take his money as equally as they will anyone elses. The change has to come from within him. I admire your strength to confront him and not let it go...to get the truth out of him! I really hope the best for you!
Author mungosmum Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Thanks for your kind words, and taking time to respond. I understand that escorts(whatever they call themselves) dont care what a sad soggy apology for a man looks like. I was trying in a lame way to inject some black humour into the tragedy that has become my life. It is good about the weight loss, tho' isnt it??? A boob job & a face lift & I'm ready to go for the ride.... who knows where it'll take me. In the meantime, I'll make sure the old f*uckwit will pay.
Trialbyfire Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 If he can't afford to pay prostitutes, he won't get laid. Restrict him financially and his little hobby will be shot.
ReturnToSender Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Hah..no worries. I use humour to get through really tough times myself too. It really does help. And yeah, the weightloss thing, totally worked out for me cause that motivated me to start working on getting fit. Even though my bf and I were able to start to working things out again, I still plan to get my hair done up with extensions ($600! Ive never in my life spent any money like that on myself..lol!) and Im still on track to get implants as soon as I can too. I dont know..I guess its something about how I felt like.."Ill show him! Im gonna be fiiiiiiine and hes gonna be like...awe snap!" lmfao..childish maybe But it made me realize...its still something I can do for myself, cause it will make me feel good, and its about time I think about me for a change, instead of us us us us us! ..and I wont be in a position where I feel like crap about myself again and put up with anything. Love your attitude
Jilly Bean Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Take all his money, and kick his lying, whoring fat ass to the curb! Hell hath no fury!
hopesndreams Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Divorce him and go find someone who will love and respect you. I don't know how you are able to speak to him or look at his face. The best thing to do is erase him from your memory. Yes, 30 years is a long time, but no matter how long you are with someone, when you find out how nasty they are and the M was a complete lie, it's best to bury it, grieve, pick up the pieces and move on.
KikiW Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Wow, I am REALLY sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine how painful it is, I really can't. I wish you the very best...
Author mungosmum Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Wow, I am REALLY sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine how painful it is, I really can't. I wish you the very best... Its so heartening to know that even in the midst of all the misery and heartbreak we are all going through, its possible to reach out and comfort a stranger. I've read some of your posts, and theyre heartrendingly painful. but you still took time to respond to my sorry story. You know, reading your responses I just might kick him out of my life - forget couples f*ucking counciling, who needs that for a game of soldiers? I am worth so much more! I've been telling myself that I really shouldn't give up on 32 years together, But Hey, he gave up on our marriage 20 years ago ( maybe even longer? who gives a toss?) I've invested a life time with this man - well, its been a bad investment, time to get rid of the rubbish. But, in the meantime the sad old f*ucker is paying big time. I can get whatever I want, - Diamonds - no problem! just had a hot tub fitted. hes also going to pay for the plastic surgery. I'm also insisting he gets branded! A big painful ugly tattoo (not the trendy David Beckham variety) that will proclaim to all and sundry what a piece of scum he is! Then I'll kick his fat bum out of my life, He'll be left without a penny, I'll make sure he wont be able to go a whoring ever again! God, Anger feels sooo good! so much better than pain........ But I still love him 'tho, don't I (foolish woman) When I was younger, a bit of a flower child(shaved my legs, so wasn't a bone fide hippie) I thought old people(over 40) couldn't feel the intense love or sexual desire that I felt. Well get this, it doesn't change. my heartbreak is even more agonizingly, desperately gut wrenchingly awful as it was when i was dumped at 19, 20, 21 ......!
Author mungosmum Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Its so heartening to know that even in the midst of all the misery and heartbreak we are all going through, its possible to reach out and comfort a stranger. I've read some of your posts, and theyre heartrendingly painful. but you still took time to respond to my sorry story. You know, reading your responses I just might kick him out of my life - forget couples f*ucking counciling, who needs that for a game of soldiers? I am worth so much more! I've been telling myself that I really shouldn't give up on 32 years together, But Hey, he gave up on our marriage 20 years ago ( maybe even longer? who gives a toss?) I've invested a life time with this man - well, its been a bad investment, time to get rid of the rubbish. But, in the meantime the sad old f*ucker is paying big time. I can get whatever I want, - Diamonds - no problem! just had a hot tub fitted. hes also going to pay for the plastic surgery. I'm also insisting he gets branded! A big painful ugly tattoo (not the trendy David Beckham variety) that will proclaim to all and sundry what a piece of scum he is! Then I'll kick his fat bum out of my life, He'll be left without a penny, I'll make sure he wont be able to go a whoring ever again! God, Anger feels sooo good! so much better than pain........ But I still love him 'tho, don't I (foolish woman) When I was younger, a bit of a flower child(shaved my legs, so wasn't a bone fide hippie) I thought old people(over 40) couldn't feel the intense love or sexual desire that I felt. Well get this, it doesn't change. my heartbreak is even more agonizingly, desperately gut wrenchingly awful as it was when i was dumped at 19, 20, 21 ......!
Thornton Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I'm amazed that someone who's 61 is so computer savvy! My mother is 64 and she can barely send a text message, never mind post on an internet discussion forum! If you want to, you're not too old to divorce and enjoy your life - personally I couldn't look at the guy ever again once I knew he'd lied to me and disrespected me for 20 years.
KikiW Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Gotta say, I would probably have the same attitude... channeling all my pain into anger. And I agree with Thornton, I don't think I could stand to look as someone who apparently had no trouble betraying my love and trust for so long. That you even considered MC is impressive! I would have put some of his clothes in a box (not even luggage ;p) and told him to get out with the expectation of hearing from my attorney. It's understandable that you still love him - you have over 30 years of history with him. I'm sure as you process everything, you will mourn and move beyond it. The great news is that you seem a young 60+ My mother is about to turn 60 and most everyone thinks she looks mid-40s. Go out and pamper yourself, make yourself feel beautiful and desirable, go to a spa and get the works! Flirt with people! Smile more! You'll discover a fresh new life What a foolish pig to throw away such companionship. Absolutely foolish.
torranceshipman Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 So sorry to hear what you are going through - noone deserves this...what a huge shock. I agree that this shmuck does NOT deserve MC and having a counsellor to help him with his 'problems'?! I mean, seriously, he is a liar and a sleazebag who disprespected you continually - that's what he is. And to think he might have put you at risk all these years from STD's he might have gotten from these women.... You're still young (early 60's is young enough these days!) to start a new life...part 2 of your life story - being independent, breaking away from him and finding someone who truly respects you....that's an exciting future, even though the hard times you are experiencing right now must be really tough on you...the future will be bright without him, though, if that is they way you choose to go (I would!)
Author mungosmum Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 I'm amazed that someone who's 61 is so computer savvy! My mother is 64 and she can barely send a text message, never mind post on an internet discussion forum! If you want to, you're not too old to divorce and enjoy your life - personally I couldn't look at the guy ever again once I knew he'd lied to me and disrespected me for 20 years. Not so computer savvy, that i posted the same reply twice! But more computer savvy than that whoremongring piece of rank foul apoligy of a man I married! If I wasn't, I'd be living in the ignorant bliss, which has been my state of mind for decades! Quite frankly, I wish I never found out, not at this time of my life. But Hay Ho, I did, so must take stock and weigh the pros and cons of ending the marriage or not, I'm fortunate that he works away 2 weeks of every month (he always did this to me when he came home!!!) so hes not in my face daily. I hope this is posted as a reply to Thornton, if not, I apoligise and will brush up on my lack of savvey!
silktricks Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are doing OK. (Personally, I'd divorce him so fast it would make his head spin... )
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