I just need someone to H**P me through this. . 6 years. And a baby!

[caseymw25]

Hi first time posting. well heres my story me and my ex have been together for 6 years we fought to be with each other in the beginning for racial reasons. but i was only 17 so after awhile the family finally took him in. hes just half mexican. no biggie. but anyways he just broke up with me a month ago i will say that before that i broke up with him a couple of times and took him back, i would say i was just frusterated we had just had our baby. he had no job and we lived with my mom. i finally kicked him out to where he now lives with his parents. about 2 miles away. but we were together. i treated him like crap after the baby didnt think about his feelings and was just frusterated. our son is now 9 months old. well he just started community college and broke up with me in his 2nd semester hes about to be 27 im 23. it was a month ago he broke up with me, i broke! i couldnt believe it i had i guess came to realize what i had done and how i had acted and me crying and i have done the begging the letters emails etc. pushed him away further. he says he doesnt want to be in a relationship with anyone at all at the moment. about 2 weeks ago i went through our phone bill online and discovered he was talking to another girl. he goes to school with. wrong thing to do. i called her. started some big time drama. he did admit they did some thing. not sex. but he says there just friends. she wants him and he doesnt want her. he doesnt want anyone. we were going to work it out but i made a mistake by texting her and she threating me and telling him she would flatten his tires. so he came over yesterday i guess to finally get it through my head that were done for now, but what i dont understand is he tells me he loves me and is still in love with me but doesnt want to be in a realationship right now. but he can hang out with her and i can do whatever i want. i just dont get it. he says he doesnt have the realationship feelings for me right now. but hes in love with me? he says maybe one day when he wants to be back in a relationship that i will be the first person he comes to. and i love him so much i swear im willing to wait. but im so confused i want my family back. i dont want to have another man and my son have a step daddy. i dont want any of that. i love him so much 6 years now. im so torn. what do i do? i cant go NC cause we have a baby and he says he wants us to be friends and that maybe ya know we will be back together one day. it hurts but what do i do??? whats going through his mind? i know i hurt him i guess its karma. i just want my man back. my family. he told me yesterday that love is like a boomarang. guess thats true? he said in the future that if im with someone else that he realizes that he made a huge mistake but for now he doesnt want to be with anyone. i need help coping. he says he needs to focus on school and getting his act together and i guess he felt he couldnt do that with me. and one more horrible thing im so close to his family im going to his brothers wedding in missouri next month. riding with him and our son. OMG!! i am severly depressed over this i just cant come to the thought that we are over after 6 years?

[Pain Redefined]

This is what some men do. I call it, "Keeping your options open". Now, you need to ask yourself two very important questions. 1. Do I want to be with someone who has the ability to do this to me? 2. Is our rollercoaster of a relationship the best thing for me and for our child. If the answer to any of those is no, walk away now. Trust me when I tell you, sooner or later these will again creep up and create more harm than good. Sooner or later one of you will initiate the break up again. HOWEVER! if you want him back and truly believe you can make it work, I will tell you how to do that.

 

Ignore him.

 

No calls, no letters, no tears, nothing. Keep busy. Do your normal things but do not involve this man in anything that you do in your life. It will be hard for you. You will want to call him, you will want to email him or whatever. Don't. Seperate yourself from his life. Mutual bills, cell phones, items that you have that are his, give them back.

 

This is not a permanent fix to issues in a relationship. This works because when someone tells you that they love you but they don't want to be in a relationship right now what they are really saying is:

" I have you here for me anytime I want. I am in a different place with different options that I may or may not want to explore without you holding me back. If things do not work out, I know you will always be there for me to fall back on"

 

Painful to hear, but it is true. Take his safety net away, most times, people come running back.

 

People always want what they can't have and have what they don't want.

 

 

G'luck.

[caseymw25]

yeah this has been going on for a month now of my begging. today i havent called him at all or txted him at all. for the first time. he did say he is not in love with me yesterday. and this girl just mixes me up i wish she was out of the picture. you make perfect since in what you said. but i do want him back. im going to take your advice. he knows i work full time and come home to our child so he knows im tied down busy. and i know hes mixed up because he cant find a job ever and i always was there for him. i even told him that last night, that i would always be there. big mistake?. im guessing this girl hes talking to is just a crutch to get over me. i dont know. but im so close to his family his mom calls me her daughter in law. tears me up. i know i want him back.

[Pain Redefined]

You never want to say to an ex that you will "Always be there for them". That is like saying "Hey, you fked me over and left me holding my heart in my hand for another woman, but hey! if things do not work out, I will be here".

Do not be that woman. Let him realize what he is missing. Prioritize yourself and your child above his feelings. Once he realizes this he will see what he has lost. I will tell you however that people who do this are prone to doing it again. So yes, if you want him back, what I said is your best bet, however my actual advice would be to say "Good-Bye and Good-Luck". Again though it is very easy for me to say it as I have not walked at all in your shoes. In the end, only you know what is best for you and your child.

 

<3 G'Luck.

[caseymw25]

i txted him last night and asked him if we would ever be together again he said... maybe one day when god sees fit. he keeps telling me that if we were meant to be then god will bring us back together.

[caseymw25]

Yes its just hard to let go. and he knows the pain i feel because i have done it to him. so he tried taking it easy on me. i guess i do just need to let go. its just very painful. and has made me lose 13lbs i couldnt afford to lose.

[boogieboy]

i txted him last night and asked him if we would ever be together again he said... maybe one day when god sees fit. he keeps telling me that if we were meant to be then god will bring us back together.

 

he keeps saying that to keep you on the hook, and he also doesnt want to say straight up that he can never see hi,elf with you again.

[Pain Redefined]

It is the way of the world my friend. Sometimes you are on the top of the mountain, sometimes you are at the bottom looking up. Regardless, you will have to start the climb up again. Everyone does.

I know how much it hurts. You start to think about all the little things that you miss. The things that, you may not have noticed before. The smells, the places you used to enjoy going or places you used to go. What I think I know about love is vast, what I actually know is nothing. About the only commonality I have ever noticed with love and relationships is this:

 

Each time I feel I am in love I tell her so. She tells me that she loves me. At that moment I finally feel I know what love is. Then, for whatever reason, that relationship ends. Love finds me again and I think to myself, wow...this is more love than the last! This is great! Then again...it seems to end. Each time I think that there is no way I could love the person I am with anymore than I do now, each time I think I have finally realized what love is...someone else comes along and redefines it for me. Although each time love has been fleeting and temporary for me, I look forward to the person who will redefine the meaning for me. This is hope. This is what keeps us all going.

[caseymw25]

i sent this to him today. maybe this will help me to move on.

 

[FONT=Arial] hate to do this, but it seems you are much happier with spending your time with another woman and i am not blind. So im sorry you didnt want to work things out with me after 6 years and our baby you strayed to another bitch. We could have worked it out you know me. i would have done anything for you. and i loved you so much that i would have supported you in anything you did and not stood in your way. i know you maybe mixed up with whatever, and im sorry about the past wish i could take it back, people make mistakes and i have thought alot about what i said and how i treated you was harsh, but we had just had cayden and i was so mixed up. i apologize for my actions. i guess it was just too late for me to prove to you that i can make you happy again.. we had some really good times these past 6 years. i wont forget those. wish there would have been more. but anyways i cant see myself with anyone else but i guess time will heal me. But its clear that you can. so im just going to let go. thats all i can do. she makes you happy then very happy for you. so with that said ill meet you one day so we can take the phone completly out of my name. you can do what you want. and the insurance if you want you can pay me $47.00 a month for. Wish we could have worked this out. I guess its safe to say that im out of your life right now. except for cayden he will always be in your life no matter what. [/FONT]

[caseymw25]

im so lost. i just wish the pain would go away. worst thing is i cant stop looking online at his phone bill i was paying for. i can see everything except the transcript of the txt. makes me wonder so much what they say. and the calls shows me everything. i tell myself to stop looking but that doesnt work. is it that easy to fall out of love with someone after problems? and run to someone else? im so hurt. its been a month and a week now.

[caseymw25]

i was going to do that but 1 i dont have a computer i can download it to i use my work comp. i want to do it, but just cant download it. or have the money right now. spent it all on him in the hopes of getting him back. wrong thing to do. i know i know.