dopaminefiend7 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 [sIZE=undefined]he hasnt read it yet i have been on NC with him for a month....we have had 4 go rounds and the other 3 times were him over a 2 yr period..so im hoping hell have some empathy for my actions...thoughts? [/sIZE] [sIZE=undefined]hi.. [/sIZE] [sIZE=undefined]so i got scared and I’ m sorry I just bailed on you…I didn’t even try to talk to you or ask if everything was okay with you. I was just so badly hurt last time*****and I did not want to feel that way again so as soon as I saw the slightest bit of a red flag everything in me just said to RUN! I care about you so much and I want nothing more than to at the very least just be a part of your life. I also didn’t want to interfere with your sobriety as I always tend to do. Obviously there are feelings between you and I that no matter how much time goes by never seem to fade and that has got to mean something. Despite never really having a set plan I so enjoyed those few weeks we spent together. You were so affectionate and attentive and treated me better than any other time we were together and I can’t begin to tell you how much that meant to me. It was definitely appreciated and noticed. The bond that we share seems stronger to me than any other relationship I have had solely because it is a sober one. Every laugh, moment, word is meant and remembered which also makes it that much harder. For once I don’t even know if I really want to be in a relationship. Anyways just know that my backing out was nothing to do with you personally not that it matters now, but I hope there is still a chance we can be one day be friends. [/sIZE] [sIZE=undefined]your friend?[/sIZE]
JP2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I only wish I could get something like this from my ex after a month of no contact. That would definately make me think about things.
boogieboy Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Since that letter mentioned nothing about getting back together with him, theres nothing in there that he wants to read. Hopefully he wont respond, Im sure he doesnt want a friendship with you, where you get to only have the part of him that YOU want, and he doesnt get what HE wants which is all of you. If you dumped him, leave him alone. If he is hurting, anything you do short of reconciling will only make him feel worse.
Hop_prophet Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I hate to sound harsh, but I totally agree with boogie. I would think very carefully about the true motivation behind this letter before sending it. To me it is clearly selfish and designed to alleviate guilt on your part. It does absolutely nothing to help him move on. Furthermore it really appears that you are trying to string him along as a backup. If I received this it would only strengthen my resolve to maintain NC. These type of letters are very typical and upset me to no end.
Author dopaminefiend7 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 heres the deal guys...i DO want to get back together with him but i really dont want to drop all that vulnerability off in one email and just hope the hes gonna be cool about it...perhaps i didnt go the most honest way in doing it but...i wanted to make sure he doesnt absolutely hate me before i sent my heart over on a plate..been down that road with him before and it was hell...i dont want him to move on i want HIM to decide what he wants...the majority of you im sure didnt read my first thread...HE is the one who got scared and didnt call for days and then weirded out and didnt wanna make plans to hang...i just took action before he could...lets not visualize me as the main dumper ok...because typically in my situation as i have said before i am ALWAYS the dumpee...this is all very uncomfortable for me to be in this dumper position..
boogieboy Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 You, at some point, have to face possible rejection. So just send him an email saying you want to try again and why. Then all you can do is leave it open for him. Do NOT mention the word "friends". If you set the expectation that he will say no, then it wont hurt as much, and you will get a pleasant surprise when he says yes. But you have to risk the rejection. That letter sounds like youre giving up on everything.
Hop_prophet Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I did go back and read the earlier thread. The situation looks very tricky for you. If there have been that many breakups in the past then it may be best for both of you to move on. I would be concerned that he has fallen off the wagon. I think an in person visit would mean a lot more to this guy than a short email that basically dumps him in the friend zone. He probably needs the support. He not only has substance abuse issues but other issues that can be extremely emasculating. His pulling away may stem from feelings of inadequacy or low self esteem. I have been there and it can really f*ck with your mind. Or he may just need space to move on and get better since he is probably not in a place where he can handle this type of relationship right now. Anyway just show him your support and tell him you still have feelings for him and maybe things will work out for you two in the future. I wish you all the best.
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