DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Went out for my brother's birthday with a group of about 20 friends. Meet a girl who was there with her best friend. Me and girl hit it off, exchange numbers, I wind up driving her home and call her a few days later to hang out. She tells me that her friend really likes me and she wouldn't feel comfortable going behind her friend's back. I tell her I like HER and not HER friend. Then I ask her if that's really the truth or maybe I did something wrong. She says it's not the case and she would REALLY like to go out with me, she just doesn't want to have drama with her friend. I'm trying to find a way to make all parties happy here, without insulting anyone. More than likely, I'll probably just move on because of the hassle, but this girl definetly has potential and feels like she is in a tough spot. On another note, my brother actually went out on a date with her friend and things went ok, but she is not his type. He told me that she just seems real desperate to be with ANYONE right now. Me and her barely spoke for 5 minues at the bar, now she likes me? How can I salvage something out of this?
bluewolf17 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I don't think you can. Here is why. Girls talk. If the girl you liked really liked you and wanted to see you, she would ask her girlfriend. If the girlfriend really said "oh I like him, you can't have him (even though she went out with your brother) then the girl you liked probably would have pushed her friend more into being okay with it. Or she just would have seen you anyway. Her friend sounds like a nut. But in the words of Kenny Powers, "Your F#iking out".
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 If your brother went out with the friend, none of this should matter. You can't date her anyway, right?
ReturnToSender Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 This situation sucks. And the way shes handling it sucks. If her friend is calling the shots from the get go...then even if you two do end up dating, you can be sure her friend will be calling the shots in any aspect of your relationship. Seems to me she cant think for herself..not cool.
Author DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 If your brother went out with the friend, none of this should matter. You can't date her anyway, right? This girl is just really desperate and lonely. I hate to say it but its true. My brother didn't like her, so she just goes down the list of potential suitors. BUT I DON'T LIKE HER EITHER! I mean this girl HAD to see that I was talking to her friend for an hour and a half. Didn't say much to her, why would she "like" me, she doesn't even know me?
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 You could be putting too much blame on her, though. In truth, she's not the reason your crush won't date you. Your crush is the reason. She's the one making the decision not to.
Author DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 You're right, at this point i'm just going to leave it alone.
GiveAndTake Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 So what if your brother DID like her? Is she then off limits to you? I'd work on that just long enough for you to begin dating the one you like.
Author DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 I asked my bro to "take one for the team" but he refuses...that's how great the other one is....
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Honestly dude, I dont buy it. I dont think the girl is interested. Ive know girls to date guys their friend liked all the time. You cant help who you like, and people understand. Youre not an ex, youre a guy she talked to for like 5 minutes. She has no 'claim' on you. I think the girl just changed her mind, and is blaming her friend.
Author DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Honestly dude, I dont buy it. I dont think the girl is interested. Ive know girls to date guys their friend liked all the time. You cant help who you like, and people understand. Youre not an ex, youre a guy she talked to for like 5 minutes. She has no 'claim' on you. I think the girl just changed her mind, and is blaming her friend. I called her out on that though and she said that she really would like to. She could've just left it alone but she made that a point to the conversation. Well what does the barber say?........NEXT
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I called her out on that though and she said that she really would like to. She could've just left it alone but she made that a point to the conversation. Well what does the barber say?........NEXT Dude...you really think shes going to tell you the truth, which would make her feel bad, when she can lie, and pretend its not her fault?
Author DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Dude...you really think shes going to tell you the truth, which would make her feel bad, when she can lie, and pretend its not her fault? All she had to do was NEVER answer the phone and I wouldn't have called her again. That would have been even easier than lying.
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 All she had to do was NEVER answer the phone and I wouldn't have called her again. That would have been even easier than lying. One possibility: She learned from experience (as many women do) that simply ignoring phone calls/texts/emails is not enough to deter someone from repeatedly contacting her to ask her out. Not saying she's right, but it sounds like she's displaying fairly typical (and fairly immature and inexperienced) girl dating behavior.
vanilla87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Sounds to me like her friend is either jealous and competitive by nature and always likes to up one on her friend or she is using the friend as an excuse to not date you... either way its just sounds like she isn't that into you as you are into her...
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 All she had to do was NEVER answer the phone and I wouldn't have called her again. That would have been even easier than lying. 'Plausible deniability' is a trait common in most women. It basically means if she can tell herself that her friend liked you and it wouldnt be right to date you, then she cant date you, and its not just that she isnt interested. By ignoring your phone call, she feels guilty because thats 100% on her. Also, a lot of guys dont call once and leave it alone, and then she still might have to run into you again.
Lish Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 This girl is just really desperate and lonely. I hate to say it but its true. My brother didn't like her, so she just goes down the list of potential suitors. BUT I DON'T LIKE HER EITHER! I mean this girl HAD to see that I was talking to her friend for an hour and a half. Didn't say much to her, why would she "like" me, she doesn't even know me? She sounds like because she's lonely, she doesn't want her friend to find any happiness either and so uses the loyalty card to prevent anything from going on. If she's lonely, her friend (the one you like) is probably good company and fears you'll take her away.
Author DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 'Plausible deniability' is a trait common in most women. It basically means if she can tell herself that her friend liked you and it wouldnt be right to date you, then she cant date you, and its not just that she isnt interested. By ignoring your phone call, she feels guilty because thats 100% on her. Also, a lot of guys dont call once and leave it alone, and then she still might have to run into you again. Makes sense, thanks for the insight.
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 My post does too It does, and that actually crossed my mind, but I think at the end of the day, if she wanted him enough, she would go for it. The lonely girl is going to hate on every guy she meets just because she doesnt want to be the only girl alone, but that tends to be easy to notice.
joliegems Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Either she's lying or she doesn't have the heart to left you down honestly. IMHO, why keep going with this? If you absolutely MUST pursue this, then the only thing you can do is hook up with her friend. Treat her poorly and break up with her. Then it should be smooth sailing to get with the girl you like. Also, if she doesn't get with you then you will know that she was telling you a lie about her friend being in the way.
Author DustySaltus Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 It does, and that actually crossed my mind, but I think at the end of the day, if she wanted him enough, she would go for it. The lonely girl is going to hate on every guy she meets just because she doesnt want to be the only girl alone, but that tends to be easy to notice. Both of you make a lot of sense but I guess the point is now moot as the girl I really wanted to go out with called me yesterday and asked me out. So I guess she was telling the truth, oh well. Stay tuned. Table for three please, lol.
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Both of you make a lot of sense but I guess the point is now moot as the girl I really wanted to go out with called me yesterday and asked me out. So I guess she was telling the truth, oh well. Stay tuned. Table for three please, lol. Sounds like she changed her mind This is why you just saying 'sure I understand, no worries' and backing off was the perfect move. She might have thought about it, and said what the heck, lets take a chance here. Awesome news, dude!
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