ratingsguy Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 A female friend of mine is wondering if she should be upset over this. Her boyfriend was traveling not too long ago. While on the first leg of the flight, he met a woman and they started talking. Once they landed, they found out that both of their connecting flights would be delayed because of weather, so he invited her to come with him to one of the bars in the terminal. This is what my friend is a little concerned about - He offered to buy her a drink, but she initially said no thanks because she said she had a boyfriend. He said it was ok because he had a girlfriend and after a little prodding, she agreed and they had a couple beers. Nothing happened beyond that. My friend found out because her boyfriend was traveling with a mutual friend and he mentioned it in casual conversation. My friend's boyfriend was a little annoyed that he brought it up, and now my friend is wondering if buying her a couple beers was harmless or a sign of something she should worry about. I'm kind of on the fence with this one. I have a girlfriend, and I don't think I'd do that with a complete stranger. But maybe it's not a big deal... I'm not sure. What do you guys think?
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Yes, I think it's disrespectful of him to insist another woman let him buy her drinks, and then of course not tell his gf anything about this. I'd also be suspicious that he was annoyed at his friend for mentioning this in front of the gf...if it was all on the up and up and he wasn't attracted to her etc. there shouldn't have been an issue.
bhweller Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I always chat up women on the plane or in the airport if they seem receptive but I know its just killing time. overall that is harmless.
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 He couldn't have chatted with his buddy that was on the flight?
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Did he kiss her? Did he f*ck her? Did he do anything that his GF wouldn't like? No. Chillax, NA.
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Two things that would make me uneasy as the gf are: 1. He "INSISTED" on buying this woman a drink/drinks after she declined and 2. He didn't mention to his gf that he met someone and bought her drinks, and was annoyed that the friend mentioned it in front of her. It's not just that he was being friendly and was consequently open about it with his gf. It doesn't matter if he cheated on his gf or, he was disrespectful.
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Did he do anything that his GF wouldn't like? Apparently so.
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 2. He didn't mention to his gf that he met someone and bought her drinks, and was annoyed that the friend mentioned it in front of her. Because he knew she'd flip out! Is a guy simply supposed to avoid all women entirely if he has a GF?! PS. Buying someone drinks means nothing in itself.
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 On top of that, the other woman apparently had a problem with getting a drink with a strange man because of her relationship status. That tells me that either yes, it is in fact disrespectful or "iffy" OR that for one reason or another she was getting a more than friendly vibe from this guy.
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Because he knew she'd flip out! Is a guy simply supposed to avoid all women entirely if he has a GF?! PS. Buying someone drinks means nothing in itself. To you it means nothing. But I'm sure you'd agree that you don't speak for all people. So because he knew she'd flip out, the omission is justified?
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Because he knew she'd flip out! I also don't think that doing something you know your partner won't like is an excuse to do it anyway and not tell her about it. That's probably not the best way to make your partner feel she can trust you.
ReturnToSender Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 He might have been annoyed because it wasnt a big deal. Doesnt seem to me it was a big deal...especially seeing how he was there with a mutual friend, the idea that be all over another woman in front of him (and it doesnt seem thats how it was) is pretty slim. I used to travel a lot, and all the time would end up on long layovers and have drinks or even meals with someone Id met on the plane...male or female. I trust myself afterall. And more often than not...it was just someone to talk to and hang with that Ill never see or talk to again. Its nothing. If it was a guy that he talked to and had a drink with over layover..would it have been an issue? Prolly wouldnt have been a second thought.
carhill Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Here's how it will go.... She'll be angry He'll be contrite He'll romance her They'll have make-up sex Life will go on Rinse and repeat as often as you like. Some of this stuff is so predictable
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I'm sure you'd agree that you don't speak for all people. I agree. So because he knew she'd flip out, the omission is justified? All I know is that a lot people in relationships are uber-possessive and jump at the chance to get jealous. HER reaction is just as un-trusting as his supposed deviation.
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well, there was obviously something her boyfriend felt wasn’t quite kosher given that he didn’t bother to mention it and got upset when his friend accidentally did. Maybe on the surface he felt it was harmless, but avoidance up to that point sure indicates he correctly guessed that his girlfriend wouldn’t feel wholly comfortable with it Hopefully, it was just a brief encounter in an airport and no harm done once they went their separate ways. Unless they exchanged contact information or something. I think the fact that she heard it from someone else makes it look like he was trying to hide something from her, and therefore makes it a much bigger deal than it actually was. I'm kind of on the fence with this one. I have a girlfriend, and I don't think I'd do that with a complete stranger. But maybe it's not a big deal... I'm not sure. What do you guys think? Me too, only because I don’t personally know whether this is too far out of character for either one of them. Things that are “okay” for one individual or couple might not be for another. Like you, this sort of incident would give me and my partner a reason to pause, but only because it would be so far out of character for either one of us.
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 All I know is that a lot people in relationships are uber-possessive and jump at the chance to get jealous. HER reaction is just as un-trusting as his supposed deviation. Who knows what her reaction would have been if it hadn't been some big secret that was kept from her.
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 All I know is that a lot people in relationships are uber-possessive and jump at the chance to get jealous. HER reaction is just as un-trusting as his supposed deviation. Could be. Here are 2 alternatives, though. -He comes home and tells his wife the story. She sees honesty and has an opportunity to address any questions right of the bat. Instead, now she has to mull over why her husband would hide something so seemingly innocent? -Let the chick buy her own drinks.
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 honestly, sometimes men (and even women) end up creating these enormous sh*tstorms because they simply can't make their mouths tell the truth. THEN they want to blame their partner for being insecure. Lying. Either outright or by omission creates insecurity. And sometimes, insecurity breeds lying. chicken egg chicken egg chicken egg
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Could be. Here are 2 alternatives, though. -He comes home and tells his wife the story. She sees honesty and has an opportunity to address any questions right of the bat. Instead, now she has to mull over why her husband would hide something so seemingly innocent? -Let the chick buy her own drinks. X2 Well said.
New Again Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 honestly, sometimes men (and even women) end up creating these enormous sh*tstorms because they simply can't make their mouths tell the truth. THEN they want to blame their partner for being insecure. Lying. Either outright or by omission creates insecurity. And sometimes, insecurity breeds lying. chicken egg chicken egg chicken egg I'm your biggest fan
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I'm your biggest fan Score! :bunny:
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Its nothing. If it was a guy that he talked to and had a drink with over layover..would it have been an issue? Prolly wouldnt have been a second thought. Of course it wouldn't have been an issue. Unless he's bisexual. I doubt it would have been much of an issue either, had he not purchased drinks for the girl and had mentioned the encounter to his girlfriend.
ReturnToSender Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Of course it wouldn't have been an issue. Unless he's bisexual. I doubt it would have been much of an issue either, had he not purchased drinks for the girl and had mentioned the encounter to his girlfriend. I dont know..I guess its situational. If my bf were to give me a detailed list of all the people he had a drink or a meal or spent any time with, Id be bored out of my gore. If my ex were to outline every single person he talked to on a plane, Id still be sitting there with him. The only time any of us say anything is if it was a particualrly interesting convo...something interesting enough to share with me. But if it was nothing, and all but forgotten once the moment passed... And, as Ive mentioned in another thread, my guy, and most guys I know, always offer to pay. I dont know if its upbringing or demographics or what...but I find it more interesting to hear a guy didnt pay... Paying isnt a sign of romantic interest...its just being a guy. But I realize big time that people are different, and people treat others differently than what Im used to seeing...so all of my experience may not even apply here... I leave y'all to it..lol!
bluewolf17 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I would say the most girlfriends..would not have a problem with what he did. He talked to someone on a airplane. Big deal. He then had a layover, and filled the time chatting to that person who happend to be a girl. And sure, he bought her drinks, but he may have just bought her drinks because he is the one who offered up the invitation. (For example, when I ask one of my friends out to dinner, I do so in mind that I would pay). This portion is not a problem. What is a problem is that in not telling her about, it creates the illusion of hiding something. It gives her a reason to feel suspicious, and she had to hear about it second hand. He should have just told her, and this probably wouldn't have been a big deal, or a deal, at all.
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